To Know Him

Top Ten Indicators that my man is out of town

2012-02-12T21:39:00.000-06:00

My peeps,

Nate has been out of the country for the past 19 days and I have two more looooong days to endure apart from him. He takes three to four international trips a year and this constitutes nearly all of his travel time on an annual basis. I love what he gets to do on these trips and wouldn't trade his being able to go for anything. This recent journey has included Dubai, of the United Arab Emirates, Chiang Mai, Thailand, and lastly Hong Kong. But no worries, I'm living it up in Nashville, TN, so don't be sad for me. His trip itself deserves a blog post of its own, but I'm using this one as a platform for the light-hearted self-awareness I gained during these 3 weeks.

For you see, a girl has to keep moving forward when her better half is across the ocean and even out of telephone reach. And I began to observe that I do things a little differently when he's gone. So I started a list of what those variances are. I did so partly because it leaves room for me to laugh at myself. And partly because it helped me for some strange reason. There's a gray line between keeping a softened heart while he is overseas: too soft a heart out of my love for him means I'm a blubbering mess most of the time because I miss him. But too protected a heart out of the desire to avoid a daily pity party leans itself towards a propensity of unhealthy independence rather than interdependence/dependence with my man.

So recorded below are a few of the things I recognized as the Top Ten Indicators that Nate-the-great is gone:

1) I sleep on Nate's side of the bed when he's not here. I don't know why. I don't even like his side of the bed. But it helps me for some reason. Don't judge me.
2) I also let our 65 lb., 2 year old boxer-mix (Hudson) join me. And he can hog the bed and I don't care. He keeps me warm.
3) In the mornings, I turn my praise music on loud while I put on my mascara. When Nate is in town, he's able to sleep a little later than I am, so I don't bust the praise as loudly.
4) I become completely obsessive about making sure the doors are locked. It's actually ridiculous how bad of a scaredy-cat I can become.
5) My frequency of cooking is disorderly and atypical. First, I start off cooking all the things that I love maybe a little more than Nate does. I become a Julia Child wannabee. I purchase more groceries and make more meals the first week than I can even consume. And then, somewhere around week two, I ask myself, "Self, why on earth are you cooking up a storm when you could be relaxing tonight and rockin out a piece of toast with peanut butter and a banana?" And so thyself starts eating like a college student again.
6) I become an employee for Nate's company, Grateful Inconvenience, Inc. No matter how much he prepares, when your husband owns his company and he is out of the country for three weeks, you may find yourself becoming an unofficial employee. I take phone calls. I make sure his invoices go out. And as he told me, there may be three or four packages coming in from Australia that he would want me to bring inside. Yep. A few packages. Or try over 30 large boxes that I came home to one evening and had to haul inside by my lonesome. The CEO of Grateful Inconvenience will be receiving an invoice from me. Grin.

7) And since Nate is Nate, there's got to be some drama for God to bring along the way. Like the text I got from him while he was in Dubai, at 2 a.m. my time, letting me know that he had lost his wallet or that it had been stolen. So he needed my immediate help in canceling all of his cards. Sure enough baby love. We both prayed that the individual who picked it up would need the cash that was in it more than he did. It took a few hours for the knots in my stomach to unwind. Nate reached hope a little more quickly than I did. I knew it for sure when I got the following picture and text from him: "Baby love, don't worry about the money we lost. I'm just going to belly dance over here in Dubai and get it back." (Yes...that's my man's version of belly dancing. My man who I can never get on the dance floor).

8) I get flowers. And it's typically quite the scene because he is sending me flowers for my birthday as he's not here. And the sweet lady at the front desk calls me downstairs to come get them. And then they're so big and heavy that I can't lift them. And I love them. Every year. And I try to make them last for as long as he is gone. And I do. I have two cherry blossoms and a beautiful orchid left from this.

9) Speaking of # 1 and #2, I'm not the only one who doesn't sleep well the first 5 nights he's gone. Our dog Hudson looks out our front window every night waiting for Nate to come home. He cries until I finally convince him to come to bed. He'll sleep for a few hours, wake up and realize Nate isn't here, and then go back to the front window waiting and looking for him. It breaks my heart and my sleep pattern in such a bad way that I'm puffy-eyed for days.
10) I jealously guard my weekend time to be still before the LORD. Yes, I get lonely. Yes, I miss my man like crazy. Yes, I have scheduled play dates with my close girlfriends and have an absolute blast. But when my husband is gone, I tell Jesus every time that I look forward with great anticipation to what He has just for me during this time. It's my time with Him. And His time with this child of His. And I long for it, guard it, and love it.

And before I close, if you're still hanging in here, you may need a little reminder that our God is a God of miracles. Forty-eight hours after Nate's wallet was missing, he received the following email:

Nate, My name is Jeff. I am in the US Navy and I found your wallet in
a taxi in Dubai on Friday, January 27. I caught the taxi from the Dubai
mall and saw it on the floor in the back and thought it best to NOT to
hand it over to the cab driver. I saw that you are from Tennessee (US)
and figured it would be best to get it to you myself. I did go through
the contents to find out your info and left a voice message on the
number off of your business card. I can assure you that all its contents
are accounted for... I will be in Dubai until about 2pm
today and then we leave. I was hoping to get it back to you before we
leave. My office number is XXX-XXX-XXXX . Hopefully you get this message soon so you at
least have that bit of peace of mind

Nate and Jeff are buddies now. When he received Jeff's email, Jeff was out at sea so they were unable to connect. Jeff mailed Nate's wallet out on the first shipment and I received it two weeks later, all contents contained therein.

Only God.

He loves Nate.

And He loves this married woman lavishly so in the absence of Nate's presence.

The opportunity of provocation

2012-01-29T12:53:00.000-06:00

He (Elkanah) had two wives. The name of the one was Hannah, and the name of other other, Peninnah. And Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. And her rival (Peninnah) used to provoke her (Hannah) grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat...She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly."

1 Samuel 1

Hannah knew provocation. She lived a life of maternal barrenness next to the woman with whom she shared a husband - Peninnah, who was nothing but fruitful. And Peninnah took full advantage of Hannah's barrenness. She provoked her about it. She sought much to irritate her. Every year, continuously, Hannah heard words that grieved her. So much so to the point that she was deeply distressed and wept bitterly. She was unable to eat. Her broken heart weighed her down. She was worn and anxious from the incitement.

And one day, in her deep distress and ongoing weeping, she prayed to the LORD. She vowed that if the LORD looked on her affliction and gave her a son, that she would give him to the LORD all the days of his life. And in His great purposes, He did just that. The LORD who had closed her womb, opened it. Hannah conceived and bore a son, whom she named Samuel.

Samuel, who is from the LORD, becomes the last of the judges and the prophet who initiates the beginning of the monarchy, anointing the first two kings of Israel: Saul and David. He stressed the importance of following the LORD's commands to both the people and their king in order for it to go well with them. He prayed constantly for them, instructing them in the way that was right, and walked before them all of his days.

Samuel existed because of the LORD, birthed from the context of a broken heart. Samuel came to be out of the prayer from a woman who endured words that said Samuel was not. Samuel's life was one of paramount purpose, bringing restoration to a woman's life that had been mocked to the point of deep distress.

And here in a late season, the reality that God's saving plan is fulfilled in the ongoing day-to-day lives of human beings has hit me afresh. For I've been provoked. It's been continuous, year after year, but the present moment has weighed down my heart . And I've had myself a good cry. And I've wept. The kind, for instance, where you have to leave church before the very end so as to avoid contact with anyone: my mascara was not waterproof and I could not get myself together. I'm worn from the provocation.

And though my form of my barrenness may differ, I too have dropped myself before the LORD and cried out for Him to remember me. And I know that He does, because He is with me at this very moment. And I too have asked Him to look on my affliction, and I know that He does because He is my El Roi. And I have vowed that I would allow Him to use this area of affliction for His glory, entrusting it to Him all the days of my life. For I believe His intent is to bring forth life from the circumstances that have set a tone of provocation. And I believe that He will birth in me something for His kingdom purposes, just as He birthed in Hannah a judge and prophet who marked the history of Israel in profound ways.

You may be far from a "Hannah" season. There may be no person, circumstance or thing inciting such frustration, heaviness and weeping in you that you're presently on the floor before the LORD. But if you are, I pray that He strengthens your inner being with courage to believe that He brings forth life from death. So hold on sister, for blessed are all those who wait for Him.

Sin of omission

2012-01-22T15:07:00.002-06:00

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

I've got a soft spot for my boy Gideon. He's a scaredy-cat, plagued by fear and unbelief, yet not necessarily paralyzed by it. At the very beginning of the introduction of his character, two examples of Gideon's lifestyle of fear appear. First, in Judges 6:11, we see Gideon threshing out wheat in a winepress, hiding himself and his sustenance from the enemy. Later, in Judges 6:25-27, the LORD asks Gideon to destroy the altar of Baal that his father has and to instead build an altar to the LORD on top of it.

In both instances, Gideon is afraid. He is afraid of his enemy the Midianites, others' perception of his actions and perhaps even the reaction of the idol he has established in his life. What would Baal do to he and his family? What would his father do to him? What could the Midianites do to him? Even further, what could this LORD do to him?

In spite of his fears, he goes forth and does the thing. He walks in that which God called him to walk in. He threshes the wheat, even though he is hiding from his enemy. And he tears down the altar of Baal, establishing an altar of God in its place, despite the fact that he does it at night, too afraid of his family and the men of the town to do it by day (Judges 6:27).

I see so much of myself in his story. Yet in a recent season, mine has an added dose of sin. Unlike Gideon, I did not go forth and do the thing. Gideon hid himself in the cleft of a mountainside or under the covering of a dark night sky, yet he still responded to God's call. On the other hand, I allowed myself to be paralyzed by fear and flat out failed to respond. I froze and my standing still equated itself to the sin of omission. Delayed obedience meant disobedience this time.

Gideon learned to function in his lifestyle of fear. He's got the act of threshing wheat in an awkward environment down pat. He's got the Baal worship thing down, surely established as a pattern of worship early in his life. It may or may not be working for him, but he's still doing it. Yours truly however, can't even claim that I was functioning well in this particular area. I wanted to be a functioning fearaholic at best, but God in His mercy, wasn't going to allow that either.

God speaks to Gideon early on: "I am the LORD your God; you shall not fear the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell" (Judges 6:10). And He has firmly, lovingly, spoken a word to me a few weeks ago: "I am the LORD your God Shelly, you shall not fear ..." That my friend, is a command, not an option, based on who my God is.

I am His, created and equipped to do the good works He has called me to do. And the same is true for you sister. You were created in His image, called to bear much fruit in areas that He has prepared in advance for you. Things He has called just you to do. Giftings He has given you. Resurrection power working in you, in this season, at this moment, for His glory.

He doesn't need me to make His name great. He doesn't need you either. But we are given the unspeakable gift of participating in His Kingdom purposes. Lord, in your mercy, I sure don't want to miss it.

So I'm going to go forth and do the thing, even if I do it afraid for a little while. For soon, I will walk more boldly in the spirit of power, love and discipline He has given me, realizing that He has not given me a spirit of timidity (2 Timothy 1:7).

I'll do it afraid then, backed by the power of a God who is more than able.

You are beautiful to me

2012-01-15T14:55:00.000-06:00

They are appalled
Your laws believed to be confining
Your truth believed to be irrelevant
Your life believed to be merely that of a great spiritual man

They are appalled
Your words believed to be heresy (John 6:52-54)
Your ascension believed to be unreal
Your existence believed to be finite rather than a living, continuously involved, intimate God

They are appalled
Your appearance so disfigured, beyond that of any man
Your form marred beyond human likeness (Isaiah 52:14)
Your kingship questioned and mocked

But I am in love
Your laws my freedom
Your truth my delight (Psalm 119:14)
Your life perfect, the atonement for my sin

And I am in love
Your words, divine revelation of the wonders of your Person
Your ascension, now at the right hand of God, ruling over all (1 Peter 3:22)
Your existence, with the first thru the last of all generations (Rev. 1:8)

And I am in love
Your appearance, robed in majesty and armed with strength
Your form, a slain Lamb at the center of the Throne, a Spirit, omnipresent
Your kingship, the Holy One of Israel, besides you, there is no God (Isaiah 43:15)

My zeal consumes me
Show us your beauty Lord

Because He said so

2011-09-27T21:51:00.002-05:00

When the Israelites cried out to the LORD because of Midian, ⁸ he sent them a prophet, who said, “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ⁹ I rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians. And I delivered you from the hand of all your oppressors; I drove them out before you and gave you their land. ¹⁰ I said to you, ‘I am the LORD your God; do not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you live.’ But you have not listened to me.” ¹¹

The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. ¹² When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.

The account of Gideon is at the center of a seemingly carefully constructed story of the twelve judges. Just like the judges before him, he is walking in a season which bears the weight of sin. The Israelites failed to destroy the Canaanites and their gods. Thus, a pattern is established. A Deuteronomic cycle is initiated. The Israelites cease serving Yahweh. He abandons them to their enemies. They eventually cry out for help. And God answers them by raising up a judge who will lead them into victory over their oppressor by His Spirit. At some time later, the cycle repeats itself.

Gideon is living in the beginning stages of such a cycle. God's people have not served Him. God has given them over to the Midianites. The Midianites ravage the Israelites' land, taking their crops and their livestock. The Israelites have to seek shelter in mountain clefts and caves for protection (6:1-6).

And there Gideon is. Threshing wheat in a winepress in the attempt to safeguard that which is sustenance for he and his family. Working in a place not conducive to his work. Hiding himself, his life and his food from the enemy who steals.

And there the angel of the LORD appears. Speaking a name over a man who does not reflect such an attribute yet. Calling forth life over those things which dwelt in the bay of fear and death. Empowering an available spirit to do that which He had called him to do.

"The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

We aren't provided with a prior account of Gideon, but I'm going to make the safe assumption that Gideon didn't feel very mighty or like much of a warrior. Now I will certainly give him some credit for being out there threshing wheat. He's being obedient to his call at that point in time. He's doing the small thing in the midst of challenging circumstances. But, when He hears God's call, his response is somewhat of a respectful 'Pardon me?' His lack of God-centered confidence continues: 'But I am the least in my family.' It gets worse, bless his heart. He asks for three different signs from God before he attempts the first battle and works in the night on one occasion out of fear that others may see him.

Maybe that's why I love my boy Gideon so much. Maybe that's why I love my God so much more. I can relate.

For when God speaks, words do not come back void. When God speaks, He accompanies it with action. When God speaks, heaven and earth are created out of nothingness. When God speaks, it is so.

It is a done deal for Him. Because He can see His purposes to completion.

And He does.

"But the Spirit of the LORD clothed Gideon, and he sounded the trumpet." And the Midianites were defeated with Gideon and his 300 men (Judges 6:33 - 7:25)

A man going about his ordinary business called to something extraordinary. A man lacking belief in what God said he would do, even after the signs, who was not just called to something extraordinary, but deemed something extraordinary.

A mighty warrior you are Gideon. Not because you have acted as one. Not because you have won a single battle. But because I say you are. And I watch over my Word to see it accomplished (Jeremiah 1:12).

The LORD God calls those things which are not, as though they are (Romans 4:17).

God calls you by name child. Dare to believe you are who He says you are. For even if you do not feel it is your present reality, the God who speaks can make it so. And you'll know it was all Him. Go forth, mighty warrior, in the empowering Spirit of Christ who is with you.

My olive oil was MIA

2011-09-18T19:18:00.001-05:00

¹⁷Though the fig tree should not blossom,
   nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
   and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
   and there be no herd in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
    I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
¹⁹GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
   he makes my feet like the deer’s;
   he makes me tread on my high places

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Habakkuk has challenged my prayer life lately. Though my preference would be to expound upon those three verses for three weeks, I don't think that's wise seeing as I haven't blogged in a year and I'd be boring y'all to tears. Instead, I'm going to note those seven words that have struck my spiritual core:

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD"

I'm stubborn enough in my faith to believe God for the impossible; I know He delights in it (Genesis 18:14, Jeremiah 32:17, Luke 1:37). On top of that, I'm learning to consistently ask Him to exceed my expectations when I believe those things for which I'm asking are in accordance with His purposes and glory in the church and in Christ (Ephesians 3:20-21). My intent is not to come before His throne in an over-confident manner, but I do believe we can approach it boldly, as a daughter who acknowledges her God's authority and power.

I'd like to call a recent season of mine "lack.' Not like Habakkuk's where he experienced the depletion, failure and absence of those things which were life-giving to him. But a lack nonetheless. A little spiritual, emotional, relational, material vacancies of some things that caused me to walk through 'Lack.' Now if I'm in Lack, I'm bound and determined to not miss out on what God may have for me there. Perhaps Lack and I need to be friends so that I can know God to be my Provider. Or maybe I've got Lack because there is an area of sin in my life that has put up a wall between the blessing and favor of my Father, who may withhold out of loving discipline until due time. Perhaps I'm bonding with Lack out of deep emotion over a loved one who is walking through a challenging season and I'm just not quite okay when they're not walking in the 'more' that I want so badly for them. So I've got some lack. The blossoms aren't there and the olive has failed to produce. And I'm not seeing the cattle and I even live in Nashville.

So one early morning, I prayed. I declared the promises of His 'Yes' over some things. I told the Lord how I knew He could deliver the impossible. By His grace, I truly did believe Him. I believed His Word. And I trusted His timing. I was all for whatever He wanted to do. And then I stopped my mouth long enough to listen and turned to my reading for the day.

And there, in those seven words, my spirit was stilled when I realized it wasn't more faith or perseverance that He was calling me to, but some joy. And not just a prim and proper clap of praise, but some serious celebrating. A flat out exultation in my God.

Not to ask Him for the 'more' I knew He could meet. Not to press in and let Him meet those 'needs' of mine. Not to believe by faith that those 'Yes' responses were mine in Christ.

And not that those aren't right. But I'd missed it. I was about to walk with 'Lack' as a martyr instead of a joyful child of God. Ain't right I tell you. Just ain't right.

Maybe each of those lacks have not been met yet. Maybe the circumstance hasn't changed. But, when I lift my gaze to the God who strengthens me, and He lifts me to tread on the high places, joy cometh. A little smile, a nod of who He is in the middle of the day and perhaps a flailing hand of praise in the middle of a jog.

Choose joy in the God who never fails you. For the fruit may not yield. That person may disappoint you. The job interview may not come yet. The child may still be a prodigal. Or the dream may wait. But your God is One worth celebrating. You may be surprised to find that you, who are willed to do so, can still bear much fruit when that which around you is barren. The joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

Stirrings in my soul

2011-09-18T17:57:00.000-05:00

Something is stirring in my soul. It has been for quite some time now, with the weight increasing over the last several months. So here, back in the sweet blog-land that I've missed, I will walk forward in one way that know how and write.

Hanging up my cape

2010-09-04T13:13:00.000-05:00

I'm not Superwoman. Nope.

Throughout the week, I long to connect with my siestas. I long to pour my heart out on these url-tagged pages in typical long-winded fashion over my dear Jesus. I ache when I cannot seem to find the time to express the beatings of my heart.

But for this season, I can't seem to make it happen. I have a new job that I started about a month and a half ago that requires me to rise and shine at 5:15. I jog after work (for a number of reasons) and don't get home until 7:15'ish pm. Thus, by the time I eat dinner with my dear man, shower and prepare for the next day, it's time for yours truly to hit the bed for some needed beauty rest again. Grin.

It's all I can do to keep up with the laundry, my house, a phone call or two to my immediate family, a text or two to my near and dear buddies here in Nashville and my church world. There are a list of things that I have had to take off my beloved to-do list for this season because I simply cannot maintain the unrealistic expectation that I can be Super-wife, Super-employee, Super-daughter, Super-sister, Super-friend, Super-stay fit and eat well girl and Super-blogger (to name a short few). I'm not much of a Superwoman at all actually.

In the sleepy hours of the early mornings, I cry out first to be God's alone. He's my Hero, and as I see it, that's all I really need anyway. Anything else as a need in my life must be an overflow of His Spirit working in me.

For His superior reasons alone and for His glory, I can't write as I would like to right now. I feel like I'm not fully alive when I can't, but I trust Him.

If any of you have some wisdom about juggling the demands of this life we live, I'll gladly receive it and take it to the Throneroom to ponder. Until then, know that I love you dearly and think of you frequently during my week, even in the early hours of a day while the stars are still twinkling in the sky.

Nate the great

2010-01-23T11:32:00.000-06:00

Sisters!

I've got so much to catch you up on, but I don't know quite where to begin. I've got some Jesus thoughts, some new temporary job thoughts, some of my recent birthday thoughts, and some pouting thoughts that I'm not in Houston this weekend for the Scripture Memory Celebration :)

I got a recent spirit reminder to 'be diligent' (it was a loving command, but a mighty strong one), so here I am, hoping to discuss each of the above mentioned topics throughout the next couple of weeks. But to start things off, I just wanted to invite you to join me in prayer for my husband as he leaves for Thailand tomorrow for two weeks. He and his business partner (Stephen Proctor) are going to lead visual worship at a conference as well as serve those who have labored for the Gospel in Asia, many in 'closed countries.' [Nate will also be doing some live art at the conference like he is able to do at the Deeper Still events...I'm his biggest fan when he does those things. Actually, a total dork about it. Grin]. It is usually a time of intense joy and spiritual battle for them as they take hold of this privilege. Below, is a short letter from Nate about the trip. And below his letter is a link that shows a short video from Stephen. I humbly beseech your prayers upon them and upon the thousands who will be gathered together for one purpose - His Name and His Reknown.

Hey friends,

I find it extraordinary that we continue to find ourselves in an international terminal headed to various nooks and crannies of the earth. It’s still hard to reconcile the fact that I couldn’t love more what we do and the continual clear leading of the Lord to do it! For however long we are allowed to keep engaging with people around the world we are going to do it, and I wish all of you could come along!

It continues to be so clear that God is present and working all over the globe! It’s often tempting to think that when we go to foreign countries in any sort of missions capacity we are somehow bringing God to that place. The more we travel and see our lives woven together with men and women of other cultures, we discover crystal clear evidence that God is fluent in every language; He knows the nuances of every culture, He speaks to anyone who will listen. He is there when we get off the plane and He is there when we leave no matter how spiritual we feel we’ve been!

Soon, we’ll be headed back to Thailand and Hong Kong. We’ve already got so many friends over there. People who are passionate about their pursuit of the Lord. Our desire is to take a few steps with them and perhaps encourage them a bit along the way. As much as it would be wonderful for all of you to be along with us, we know that isn’t possible, so we’ll do our best to give you a window into their world. Please pray for us. We need it all the time.

Love you guys,

Nate

Stephen's words about the mission trip

Love y'all,

You

2010-01-08T15:34:00.000-06:00

My sweet sisters,

I wanted to check in and let you know that I'm alive! Nate and I have been hiding, so I've not been on the computer in about a week. I've been sitting still, both physically and spiritually. Rest...sweet sweet rest. And time for two lovebirds to have some long overdue extended face time together.

There have been some messy events happening around he and I recently. Life really. Not really over our own personal lives, but over some of our dearest loved ones. Just the pure difficult reality of life. The battle is fierce and unrelenting. And so is the purpose of our God for His people and His glory.

I'll reconnect here in blogworld with you soon. But as I thought about you in the dwindling days of our vacation, I wanted to leave you with a youtube clip. It's a prayer, rooted in the African American spoken word, which I love. I was actually present at this church during its evening of worship back in 2001. The Spirit used her words to alter me and I have not forgotten them. I pray their power and life still you in your busy day and cause your heart to seek His face.

Psalm 27:8 "My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!'

Your face, LORD, I will seek."

Short and sweet, looking for a retreat

2009-12-29T15:08:00.000-06:00

Hi my sisters!

I've been rather wireless here over the holiday season, and unfortunately, I only have a wee moment here on this one. Also, I just ate five slices of pizza and a cinnamon role and they're making me rather sleepy, so I'm pondering an afternoon nap. Grin.

To forego all the things I'd love to blog about, like my first married Christmas and my Jesus, I'm jumping right to my reason for this brief blog, however direct and presumptuous it may be. In short, Nate and I are researching our get-away from the world options. He's got the rarest commodity in the Griffin household beginning around Jan. 1st/2nd and it will last for nearly a week. It's called time. And it will be his first break in 10.5 months. No exaggeration. The man needs to get away. And I, of course, would love to join my man for his mental break.

All that to say, if y'all know of anyone that has a cabin, a rental, a vacancy, or something along those lines, could you let me know? We are willing to travel. Or at least do our best :)

I apologize if this seems so impersonal. I noted it on facebook, and I felt like the word 'gumption' was written all over my forehead. It's a little much gumption for my personal comfort zone, but nonetheless, I'm desperate. So in the name of keeping my wonderful marriage wonderful, I thought I'd give y'all a shout-out.

My love to you all
PS - I pray you continue to ponder His birth. It has taken me over this Christmas like none other. I want Him so much more for all of us.

My body hates me

2009-12-08T15:34:00.000-06:00

Dear fellow bloggies,

I've had high goals of posting about a week ago, but shortly after Thanksgiving, I fell off the face of the planet. I'm not sure I've mentioned it, but November has been a bit of a rough month for me. For whatever reason, my body has become my enemy. Early in the month, I got your basic miserable cold. It then transgressed to a basic miserable sinus infection (prior to, during, and right after Thanksgiving). After four days of feeling normal and pretty confident that I had kicked all germs in the gluteus maximus, something really ugly overtook me late this Friday night.

Nate had left Thursday morning for the last Deeper Still event of the year. I had connected with one of my favorite single gals here in Nashville on Friday night, and returned home around 10:30 pm (b/c I'm old and I'm allowed to be in bed by then without feeling guilty!) And then it happened...baaah!

Not that you need to know the details, but since late Friday night, I've had a fever ranging from 100 - 101.5, a sore throat (understatement of this entire post), a 20 hour a day sleeping pattern, and I've been leaning over my porcelain bowl in such frequency that I have now noticed its brand is called 'Church.' Only in the midst of a raging fever, chills, and vomiting (excuse me for the gross factor), would yours truly begin to make a spiritual analogy over the fact that her porcelain bowl is branded 'Church.' But the analogies game...yes they did. And for your sake, because I love you, I'm going to spare you my hyperspiritual attitude.

To keep you siesta Mamas' fear at bay, yes I did go to the doctor. And yes, they did rule out strep and swine flu. Unfortunately, he never concluded anything else. Sweet.

But I am on an antiobiotic and I have returned to the land of the living, albeit only for a couple of hours at a time.

Other than that, HGTV is my very best friend when I'm awake. It requires me to say nothing (which makes my throat happy) and there are no food items or restaurants advertised during commercial breaks (which makes my tummy happy). Additionally, it requires zilch mental stimulation, so its rocking my present mental status.

I do miss you. I've wanted to read the blogs and connect with you in your Christmas seasons. It's always a tender, sometimes tough, but joyful time for me. I hope to return soon - with more words than my latest bah-humbug sick status.

Love y'all.

In the midst of my turkey consumption

2009-11-28T15:13:00.001-06:00

Hi all!

I hope you have been able to have a sweet time over the Thanksgiving holidays. Maybe you have had kids running around your living room, 5 am Black Friday alarm ringings, more turkey than you ever needed, or long-missed relatives' faces back for an overdue hug. Nate and I had a wonderful time visiting his sister's family and parents. I'll post pictures of my darling nieces and nephews soon! But until then, I thought I'd share what's been on my mind.

I'm always in a deep contemplative mood during the holidays. I don't want to come across as a solemn unhappy Scrooge during one of the seasons that makes me happiest. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love the Christmas season. Or maybe I will on a later post....I think the height of the joy I feel during this time simultaneously brings with it a depth of thoughtfulness upon those less fortunate. Maybe it's because five years of my Christmas holidays were burdened with five years of extreme suffering. Thus, I can't help but think about the widow, the unemployed, the terminally ill, the ears that haven't heard and the eyes that haven't seen. These forgotten ones are very dear to my heart, but ever near to me the months surrounding December.

For me, the turkey, the manger, the magi, the gifts, and the holy night are all united. They are woven together in my heart and I become lost in passion over the lost of this world. I've followed the weary sinful hearts of a wayward Israel all the way to the holy awaited night of a Savior born. And I cannot stand content knowing that there are those who do not know.

To let images speak more boldly than my words, I am sharing a video link that is beloved by my husband and I. It is one he spent months shooting the footage for, editing, re-editing, and more. And yes, he had a gifted team of irreplaceable help! It began last November, in the remote bush village of the Moi people.

If you click on the green box of 4 arrows, it will bring the movie to full screen, which is nice. You can watch it without buying it, so forgive me that the link I'm sending you to has the buying option. My intent is not to be husband's saleswoman. Grin.

But I do want us to consider the unreached and the lost in a time that can be tainted by business, materialism, or an aching belly from too many dinner rolls.

PS - There is a brief segment which is slightly heavy. The film is rather intense, so view it first before letting your children do so.

My love to you all....

Grateful Inconvenience's Film - Awayo

My love for carbs potentially justified

2009-11-18T19:19:00.001-06:00

I love carbs. There is nothing like a soft warm dinner roll to me. Or cereal, a waffle, a good sandwich, muffins, a doughnut, or an entire bag of chips to sustain my need to drink salsa with them. I love 'good' carbs too. I crave fruit at least twice a day and have to have it. But woe is me, those are carb-packed too.

For all of those brave people who prefer to keep care of their temples by moderating or decreasing the amount of carbohydrates they intake, I need to tell you something: We can still be friends and I do esteem you, just let me have that roll that you're not going to eat.

Combined with my outrageous propensity for being hungry and some colossal deliverance years ago, I am shameless about the fact that I like to eat. And I like to eat carbs too. And that is okay.

Because Jesus told me so. Yep. He surely did.

And today, I read about carbs being hot. And I don't mean hot in the Fahrenheit context.

I've undoubtedly read it before, but missed it until now. Y'all know how I told you that I've been in the Song of Solomon for a couple of weeks? Well of course I'm still there because I'm obsessed with details. Lo and behold, that aforementioned couple in holy, crazy, love with one another - they exchange quite the phrases of praise.

The young man, in his aching yearning for his bride, describes how lovely and dignified and beautiful she is. Do y'all know what he said in the midst of some rightly scandalous and romantic verbal exchanges???! This: "Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies." Song of Solomon 7:2

He notes her beauty from head to toe, and right smack in the middle of his googly-eyedness, he praises her belly and compares it to being a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies.

Wheat = carbs.
Encircled with lilies --> I'm going to go with those being our present day 'tire tubes' (with no iota of biblical validity)

She must have thought carbs were okay too. I'm pretty sure she and I could be friends. Or maybe not, because she probably wouldn't share her roll with me over Thanksgiving.

I could write a book on healthy and godly views towards our bodies, self-image, and the likes, so you must know that this isn't a subject that I take lightly. And maybe that's why I can laugh about it a bit in the midst of an image-obsessed world where thinness is sadly equated to be superior. This young man, head over heels in love, thought his belly-of-wheat woman was hot. And I like that about him. Grin.

So, just for me, over these next few holiday weeks, I will recall my Song of Solomon woman while I ponder that dinner roll. And I'll give praise to the Lord that my man still loves me with or without encircling lilies.

Better check yourself before you wreck yourself

2009-11-04T16:10:00.002-06:00

Sometimes as a kid, my Mom would use this phrase as a humorous and light disciplinary reprimand. It was usually spoken when one of us kids were on the verge of misbehaving or being on her 'last nerve.' I know between my two other siblings, we zapped all my Mom's nerves. Bless her.

"You better check yourself before you wreck yourself." Profound, right? Well, at least profound to me, because it made me stop and ponder where I stood in that moment. And it was usually too far across 'that' line that had been drawn for me.

I've been thinking about the phrase since I came upon something in the Song of Solomon two weeks ago. Now, you must know, the Song of Solomon is perhaps one of the books with which I am least familiar. My knowledge of it is completely inadequate and the various interpretations of it leave me a little overwhelmed. Nonetheless, the Spirit is our Teacher and He can lead us into knowledge and truth.

The one rare thing I feel safe to comment upon is this: "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." (SofS 2:7, 3:5, 8:4, and a variation of it in 5:8, ESV).

It really speaks for itself, so I don't know why I'm blogging about it. But I have been totally digging it. And it has been a verse that I've began praying over my single girlfriends, my engaged girlfriends, and even the potential unborn Griffin girl Nate and I could have one day (grin...).

One thing is for certain in the Song of Solomon - the young woman and young man are deeply and passionately in love with one another. Their descriptive words, longings, and compliments of one another are shameless, edifying, scandalous and pure (yes, those can go together in the proper marriage context). These two can think of nothing but the other and know without a doubt that they belong to one another. However, in the midst of consuming passion, so close to her marriage, the woman stops to plead and encourage her girlfriends 4 times to 'not awaken love until it pleases.'

Even in the best pursuits of holiness, the young godly single women of today have a rough time keeping love at a slumber. They are bombarded with emotionally-lusting movies and having to attend one wedding of their girlfriends after another. They are reminded of their singleness. Their Christian and wholesome times of nurturing are often imbalanced in a setting of hundreds of other single men and women, gathered together for the purpose of a teaching. But amidst the dimmed lights, eyes search from wall to wall for someone attractive or cute. And amidst the tables filled with Bibles and ready pens, sit girls' journals whose pages from only a night before echo moments of loneliness, questioning, and self-degradation. I declare myself a fan of such gatherings. But it desperately needs to be balanced with an individual's own time before the Lord as well as mentorship in some form by an elder (Titus 2 anybody?).

Even in the best pursuits of holiness, the young godly dating and engaged women of today have a rough time keeping emotional and physical love at a slumber. Let me tell you this darling one, all the promised commitment in the world doesn't justify the awakening of sensous love that leads to consummation. No matter how in love you are, no matter how hard it is (don't even get me started on how hard it is), no matter how ready you think you are, I am going to tell you like it is: You are NOT ready. Because you are NOT married. It is only meant for fulfillment in the marriage context. The end.

You, oh Lord, open Your hand and satisfy the desires of every living things (Psalm 145:16). The One who IS Love is the only One able to fulfill your need and desire for love, whether you're married, engaged, singled, or widowed. That is the reason we can pray this over ourselves and others all day long. And that is why we can courageously pray that our love is kept at rest towards the unknown or known significant other.

Girlfriend, your friends may tell you its time. Your heart may feel like it will die if it's not time. Your entertainment culture may tell you your behind time. But from the truth of His Word, and the power He puts behind it, we can be sure that if marriage is not the context, it is not time.

Siestas, would you please pray over the single ladies, friends and daughters God has placed in your sphere? Theirs is a tough lot. But not one that God hasn't called and meant to be pleasant (Psalm 16:5-6).

I ask now, in the zealous love of Jesus, that your heart oh sister, would not be awakened with emotional or physical love until it desires...or in other words, until the time is right on His Kingdom calendar. Or, as my Mom would say, check yourself before your wreck yourself girlfriend :)

[Disclaimer: I, like countless others I'm sure, have 'wrecked myself' to an unmentionable degree on an unnamed spectrum. So worthy of another post on another day, forgiveness is your's to be had if your love not only woke up but walked around a bit...He is our Righteousness.]

Job-matching

2009-10-26T12:08:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure I word-vomited, spiritually speaking, on my last post to y'all. I felt horrible about it before I even started. And I felt horrible afterwards. I get total 'booh' points for talking from Genesis history all the way to ... well .... Jesus. It's a problem when I've got 12 months of biblical heart-beat that comes out in the expression of one overly long blog on one verse. It's my fault for not giving outlet to my heart before now. My 52 page exegesis paper two semesters ago bore the weight of some of it, but y'all, it's been too long. My unwanted sabbatical from blogland I hope is finally coming to an end, but y'all might have to bear with me for a few posts until I can get some of it out.

Anyway, to be nice, and not dizzying, I thought I would share something light-hearted. So...here we go. Y'all know that I'm jobless. Thus, because of this, I'm registered with several different temp. agencies that send emails out once a week or so of potential employment opportunities. They seek to email me jobs that would be a match for my skills, education, and experience. Most of the time, they are in the ballpark with types of jobs that I could perform well. However, I got one recently that was such a shot in the dark, I got the giggles over it. Here it is:::

Company X (we'll say) is currently recruiting for a company in the North Nashville area - Not that I live in the North Nashville area...but oh well...I can commute.

We are looking for a motivated individual... - check!

...with Aluminum welding and MIG welding experience - Uhmm....Houston, we could have a problem.

This individual will be welding 95% of the time - Maybe they'll hire me for whatever it is I would be doing the other 5% of the time!

This position requires you to stand... - check! i can even do so in high heels.

...lift up to 50 pounds... - Uhm....Like, bench press style, or free-standing? I might be under-qualified, in all senses.

...bending, twisting, - Check! Sounds like we get to have a dance party.

and using hands. - Uhm...I went through an origami phase as a child. Does that count?

Must be able to pass a basic math test - Stank. I can't :( No lie y'all, I can only do higher-level math. Don't have enough common sense for it.

Candidate will be working first shift. - Hmm....I wonder how early that is going to be?

Working hours: 7:00 AM -4:00 PM A - Have mercy! Maybe they'll serve doughnuts in lieu of the disdainful hour I'll have to wake up, get ready, and make my commute to North Nashville

Company Y is a leader in matching great people with great companies - I thought so at one time.

Our experienced agents will listen carefully to your employment needs and then work diligently to match your skills and qualifications to the right job and company - Maybe they got me confused with my husband?

Whether you're looking for temporary, temporary-to-permanent or permanent opportunities, no one works harder for you than Company Y - I think they might need to work a little harder, or either I need to go take a welding class.

Your welder,
Shelly

The One who Keeps

2009-10-16T18:11:00.009-05:00

I got weepy over a set of bowls recently. Nope, it wasn't that I dropped and broke any. Nor was it that I walked in half-slumber on an early morning to pour that must-have bowl of cereal only to then find that no bowl was clean (talk about a bummer). The truth of the matter is that I got weepy over four hundred and forty bowls. Every stinking single one of them. Ezra did me in. Well, to be precise, the LORD did me in.

Maybe it is because I have been heart-deep for over a year in the study of the Northern and Southern Kingdom time periods (and no where close to being done). So don't question yourself and scratch your head if this means not more than half an iota to you. Because I've been bonding with this portion of the Word for over a year, I'm kind of all emotionally wrapped up in it. You would be the normal person. I mean, who cries over bowls?

Nonetheless: Here's the short story deal: Abraham --> Isaac --> Jacob --> born 12 Tribes of Israel --> from which is derived Judah --> born King David --> born King Solomon --> who builds the temple in Jerusalem. Solomon's bears a son, Rehoboam, who later becomes king. Rehoboam refused to lighten his father's tax burden on the people he now rules. So what happens? One of Solomon's able servants, Jeroboam, takes 10 of the tribes, and high tales it to the north. Taking these 10 tribes out from under the 'slavery' of the house of David, Jeroboam (northern kingdom) is the man of the hour. He was given word that God would build him a sure house and establish his kingdom (1 Kings 11). But stank, you know what Jeroboam does? Because he didn't want his own 10 tribes venturing back down south to worship in the true center and dwelling place of their God in the temple of Jerusalem, he set up two golden calves in their city of Bethel and told the 10 tribes 'Behold your gods, O Israel...' (1 Kings 12:28). (Can anybody say 'Aaron?') Stank - you would have thought they would have remembered the sin of their fathers here on this repeat, but nope :( For 208 years, those calves remain as a center of worship amongst the 10 tribes of Israel. And that's just the Northern Kingdom....

While Jeroboam leaves on his valid tantrum away from Solomon's son Rehoboam, and sets a plum line for the remaining history of the northern kingdom in idolatry, we hope for the best in the Southern Kingdom. Maybe they will obey God and His laws.The Southern Kingdom, the line from which God promised there would always be a 'lamp before Him in Jerusalem, the city where He had chosen to put His name' and dwell (1 Kings 11:36), does not meet God's hope of obedience and blessing. The lineage of Jesus during the days of the Southern Kingdom rocks out the following: pagan religious practices, cult prostitution, harlotry, murders, child sacrifices, payments to foreign kings for protection instead of seeking their God for help, witchcraft, idolatry, as well as placing idols in their very temple. Now, not every single one of their 20 kings is evil; some of them are wonderful kings, bringing covenant renewal, the removing of idols, and a trust for their God. But in summary, the Southern Kingdom, the line which God's promise was that He would always maintain a king on the throne for the sake of His servant David, cycles with evil and horrible sin, and fewer occasions of obedience and trust.

My heart broke over the cyclical failures of God's people - the people He had chosen for His very own possession. My heart broke for the deaf ears turned to the prophets that God sent again and again and again to warn, judge, and encourage His people. My heart ached for the curses of the Mosaic covenant that befell His people: In 586 BC, Nebuchadnezzar takes the people of Judah (our Southern Kingdom peeps) into exile in Babylon. The temple, where God had made His dwelling, He abandoned. Nebuchadnezzar, and the full weight of his army, destroy the man-made dwelling place of God. Truly, His glory has departed. And His people, a display of His glory, are at this time, a display of His justice, righteousness, and zeal, as He chooses, in His own timing, to love them with discipline. He will be their only God.

Nebuchadnezzar and his fellow Babylonians destroy everything, yet they carry off many of the temple furnishings for the value of their metal. And he places them in the temple of his god. The beautiful instruments used to worship the LORD of heaven and earth are placed in the house of a false god because of their material value (2 Kings 25:13-17).

And the clock ticks. And the exiles are weary. And the hope of a true Saving King surely comes to doubt in a man's mind. And the prophets lament over the destruction of Jerusalem. And they mourn.

Yet in the heavenlies, the kingdom clock resounds. And where the Southern Kingdom ended, God's promise did not. No, God did not forget His promise. And the line of Judah, the lineage of promise, continues. And one man, born into exile, an exile's son, is born - Zerubbabel. More time passes, and decades later, the Persian Empire defeats Babylon.

This Persian king, King Cyrus, issues a decree in 539 BC that allows the Israelites to return to Jerusalem and rebuild their ruined temple. One year later, temple building begins under Zerubbabel. But not without this to start with:
"Moreover, King Cyrus brought out the articles belonging to the temple of the LORD, which Nebuchadnezzar had carried away from Jerusalem and had placed in the temple of his god. Cyrus king of Persia had them brought by Mithredath the treasurer, who counted them out to Sheshbazzar the prince of Judah. This was the inventory:
gold dishes 30

silver dishes 1,000

silver pans 29

gold bowls 30

matching silver bowls 410

other articles 1,000

In all, there were 5,400 articles of gold and of silver. Sheshbazzar brought all these along when the exiles came up from Babylon to Jerusalem." Ezra 1:7-11

Those articles fashioned for the dwelling place of God, stolen by King Nebuchardnezzar merely for their monetary value, and set up in a idol's den, were preserved in the midst of a city destroyed to a state of absolute desolation. And not only were they preserved, but they were returned to the people for their trip home and the temple's rebuilding.

The thought was more than I could bear. They were such a small detail of life, yet they were preserved. Like the Israelites themselves, they too had been taken in to exile, but they too were called back to a life of service in worship. The remnant had been preserved. The temple instruments had been preserved. No sin could usurp the promise of God's steadfast love in the promise to His people. And He called them back home to fulfill His promise. He called them back home to a place of obedience, trust, and worship to the One True God.

I cannot be overly dramatic and exclude the fact that the temple is indeed rebuilt, but with no evidence of God's glorious return. The LORD's coming is delayed due to the sin of His people. But you and I know, on this side of the cross, that He does return, and no temple made by man is necessary, for the Son became flesh, and His glory dwelled among us.

The Covenant-Keeper kept it all. He kept His promise. He kept His people. And He even kept bowls, pans, and dishes, in the midst of their misplacement in the house of an idol, to be set back again in their proper context - one of worship for the One and Only.

I was undone...

Because He does that for me. And He does it for you. No amount of time on that kingdom clock lessens His power to preserve, protect, and keep guard over those things from which He has promised to bring forth life and worship. Even if my past, gifts, talents, relationships, or emotions have been set in an idol's den at some point, God can still keep watch over them to bring them back to their proper setting. That thing I thought I had lost, the Restorer of ancient ruins brings back through the oddest of circumstances and the strongest of healings to full restoration, for the display of His splendor. That 'bowl' I had once used in service to Him, that I lost or gave up in sin to a false god, He does not forget. But He is able, with my obedience, to bring back life to that area of spiritual death, that I may worship Him. He has taken my soul out of prison, be it the one I created on my own, or the one I was placed in by another, that I may praise His name (Psalm 142:7).

He's in to the details. He is in to preserving, for the sake of restoring. He's in to keeping guard over, for the sake of keeping your worship. He's zealous over you and all that you have, for He is a God not willing to share His glory with another.

With what you gave me Lord to worship you, I offer back to you. With the things you put in me, that I offered up to a false god, You call back to true worship. As one who has been brought from death to life, I offer the parts of my body, and all that I am, to You, as an instrument of righteousness. Come, Lord Jesus, and hear the love song that I sing in worship to You, my Covenant-Keeper and Protector of Love. You are my Glory (Psalm 3:3). Come and get Your glory LORD.

He knows

2009-09-25T21:07:00.001-05:00

Sweet siestas,

I have just finished reading yet again your comments from the last blog. Nearly a month has passed since you started responding about where you were in life at that moment. And for a month, the Spirit has brought you to mind and beckoned me to prayer. At times with a lump in my throat, at times with claps of joy because I knew God was working on your behalf, at times on my dirty carpet, face down, and at other times just saying the all powerful name of Jesus on your behalf.

I wondered how the house-hunting situation was going. I wondered if God had provided jobs for a couple of you yet. And then I wondered if He hadn't, could you testify with me about His faithfulness to provide. I wanted to weep over the several comments left anonymously, all denoting rejection, hurt, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Your pain clearly so deep, anonymity a valid grasp for covering. You are covered dear sister...covered indeed under the wings of the Almighty. And lastly, there were a few honest confessions of sin. Don't you know mercy was coming new and mighty that moment?

I told you I would share my own answer. And so here are some phrases that paint a picture of the recent weeks: confused, feeling lost, rejected, rejected, did I mention rejected?, fightin' mad at the enemy, fightin' mad at myself, broken, thankful, humbled, in-stink'in-secure (so tired of that one), deeply loved, chosen, and waiting.

It's Friday night, I'm eating some of my husband's ice cream (shhh! Grin), and I'm mentally pooped. But this is what I wanted to say before I closed. This is what I know.

He knows. He thinks about it. He resolves and purposes to do something about it. And He knows you.

Hurting friend, He is intimately acquainted with your grief and sees your tears (Psalm 56:8). He knows.
Insulted and grieving from painful words or actions, those insults have already fallen on Him (Psalm 69:9). He knows.
Child of God, struggling in sin, your High Priest is able to sympathize with your weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). He knows.
Waiting on a job, a prodigal to return, a spouse to be what you think he/she should be? Waiting on an apology (that may never come), waiting to be married, waiting ....waiting...waiting. Redirect all that difficult waiting unto the LORD, for it is He who ultimately fulfills your desires in Himself. But don't think for a second that He doesn't know (Psalm 130:6). He knows.
Rejected and lonely sister, the LORD, the King of the Universe, receives you (Psalm 27) and rejoices over you with singing (Zeph. 3:17). From the perfect One, who was very much one with His Father, to then be rejected by His own people and abandoned for a moment by His Father, He knows this one.
And to the overwhelmed one, you can cast all those responsibilities and anxieties at the foot of His throne. I suggest maybe throwing them there to make sure they leave your hand. For the One who gives you peace, is able to handle that which you entrust to Him. He knows (1 Peter 5:7).

And not only does He know, but He cares. He's concerned about it. He's concerned about you. He has not forgotten you. How could He when your name is inscribed on the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49:16)? The One whose hand etched 10 laws upon two tablets of stone commanded that we keep those laws. And the One whose same hand bears your name knew we wouldn't be able to do so. And so it is true that the One whose hands bear your name also bear the scar of a nail.

The LORD, the LORD GOD, knows (2 Sam 7:20).

Having taken dance for over 18 years, I can count on my hand how many times I've been a klutz. Not because I'm any better, but I've had some serious training. My single hand count just turned into two however. Last Friday, I ran into a corner wall that jutted out of the hotel room Nate and I were in. (Don't make me discuss the details all out here in world wide web fashion...let's just say Nate was asleep, and my double thud was so loud that it woke him up! (one thud for hitting the wall, the other for hitting the floor) Once I got through the sobs, we had the giggles until 2 am. And an ice-pack covering my goose egg. It has throbbed off and on for about a week, because I'm a cool kid like that. With the pain of my forehead, my testifying goose egg, and my mental hyper-spirituality at times, I couldn't help but to think about God telling the Israelites to impress His commandments upon their hearts, write them on their doorframes, and bind them on their foreheads (Deut. 6:4-9). Because that is how well they were supposed to know the laws. And so a phylactery they wore, literally, wrapped around their forehead, with parchments of Scripture contained inside of the phylactery box. They were to know those laws girlfriend.

I seriously doubt God has any need to wear a phylactery, since A. He's not in bodily form and B. since Jesus was and is the Word, He would have to phylactery Himself up....I don't think that works. Outright heresy. But, I can't help but grin reflecting on the truth that God, without a doubt, has you on His mind. No box necessary.

He knows dear one. Run to those mighty everlasting arms, for He will not fail you.

I want to know

2009-08-22T21:31:00.000-05:00

Hey girlfriends (and guyfriends),

I've been thinking about how I'd like to hop back in to my blogworld and with what topic to begin my first post. I really have been digging some new things the Spirit is teaching me in some of my academic reading and own personal Scripture readings. Buuuuttttttt, it is on the wrath of God. Stank...I thought it best not to write my first overdue blog post on God's wrath, because I love you dear things :) So, I'll refrain from it for just a momentary season.

I have decided that before I write anything, I really really want to know how you are doing. I miss you each. I so wish I could make a drive to Alabama, take a flight to Colorado, or Boston, or Florida, or learn to skype. Well, nevermind the latter...it's best you don't have to rejoice in the sufferings of my appearance right now. Grin. I actually have a lump in my throat thinking about each of you right now. I can see some of your cute hair styles, hear some of your voices in my head, and recall some of the things God has brought you through, because He delights in the impossible.

So if you would be so vulnerable, I would love to hear how you are. I want the honest response. Give me a one-word adjective, or a paragraph. I don't care. I just would love the unspeakable privilege of having the ability to share our hearts in this strange world of blogland so that we can 'encourage one another daily.' If you want to make your comment anonymous, by all means feel free to do so.

Just here lately, we Griffins can say two things that we know for sure. One, life is hard. I mean s-t-i-n-k-i-n hard. Secondly, the LORD our God IS God, and remains enthroned and in reign, despite of, in the midst of, and even for the purpose of (perhaps) the tragedies, evil, and pain of our present society. We are in a season where our extended circle of dear ones are experiencing some serious loss, hurt, effects of sin, or tragedy.

To be honest, I could go cry face down on my pillow this very moment over some of them. But God.....Sigh.....I keep letting it roll over my Spirit. But God....but God.....but GOD.....IS God and in Him all things work together for good to those who love Him. And what the enemy meant for evil, my God means it for good. He will not fail you (Joshua 3:1-9). Let me tell you something, in His presence there is fullness of joy. At his right hand, are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 15:16). He is quite aware of what you're feeling at this very moment.

I love you. And if you'd be willing, give us an answer to the proposed shout-out, anonymous or boldly :) I cannot wait to hear from you. And after a few days worth of responses, I'll provide my own answer too!

Excuses, excuses...

2009-08-06T21:47:00.000-05:00

Y'all,

I might be back to blogworld!!! Here are my top five reasons for my lengthy departure.

1) Theology class --> completed now! I won't even look at my syllabus to tell you how many pages of reading I had to do for this class.
2) Job searching in all spare time --> I have accepted my lot - this seems to be an inevitable part of my life for this season. I cannot tell you how many hours a day one can spend searching for a job.
3) Politely evading everyone in my life for about 3 weeks while my husband was home --> what can I say? We are protective of the time we have together!
4) Friends! Yes, we Griffins are finally getting to have friends who share our season of life.
5) Getting back in the exercise grind in the mornings --> trying to keep up with my man!

So, these are my reasons that I have been absent from blogworld. I hope to give y'all a further shout-out this weekend. Miss you...me, my Bible, and Jesus do that is....Grin

A hello from the Griffins and my big humidity-testifying hair on a lovely Nashville night :)

From Nater

2009-05-29T20:50:00.000-05:00

Greetings my missed blogsters,

Clearly, I haven't had a single moment to blog over the past month. My excuses are as follows: I started a temp job that is keeping me busy, at least for a few more days! Add that to the mix of the long drawn out process of me trying to learn to cook each night when I get home, grow in my marriage, and work on my theology class, and you hopefully can understand why I'm a goner.

Soooo, since I'm still officially a 'goner,' I'm posting something that Nate wrote in response to another blog. That man challenges me in ways I never imagined . Grin. And I love my Jesus all the more so for it. He is good for me.

I'm not typically a blogger but I wanted to share something with you. My buddy and I were having a conversation about freedom. What does it mean to be free? Thinking back over the exchange later my mind wondered to one of those snapshots that all of us have of our past. A distinct scene in our lives illuminated by the flashbulb of our memory and vivid in every detail. Fourth grade.

I was sitting in my little cubical in the middle of a row of identical cubicles struggling with the complexities of diagramming a sentence with more than one prepositional phrase. As hard as I tried I couldn't concentrate on anything but the insane slowness of the big black hands of the big white clock that hung mockingly on the opposite wall of the class room. It was a beautiful day outside and the sluggish heat of the early summer had affected that clock with a serious case of lethargy! I was a typical boy and I was born to be outside. I wasn't much happier than when the prickly feeling of scabby knees and the guilty awareness of grass stains were the foremost realities in my life! Neither the scabs nor the grass stains are present in my snapshot! Just me, my work book and that clock.

Have you ever actually felt realization wash over you? You know that 'felt' since a truth? That since is the brightest part of my fourth grade picture! In that second I had the most profound since of eternity! In the space between prepositional phrase one and two I saw eternity! I knew with all the certainty that a fourth grader can muster that I was trapped! My life as a student would never end! I would be trapped in an endless battle with the minions of sentence structure, presided over by a clock with frozen hands! I wonder if I have ever craved freedom like I did that moment! It was longing that I had! Oh, to do whatever I wanted! No more hour bells, no more detention for being late from our laughably short recesses, no more grown ups telling me what to do! Just me and... whatever I wanted to do! How wonderful! How Magical!

That's an old snapshot. I can scarcely believe that more than 20 years have passed since then. Of course school did eventually let out for the summer. I did eventually graduate, never to diagram another sentence as long as I live. I can now do whatever I want to... no grown ups.

Here's the funny thing. Doing what ever I want hasn't made me free. In fact because I can now do what ever I want I have often found myself not able to do much of anything. Freedom isn't at all what I thought it was 20 years ago confined to my fourth grade English prison. It's not at all the allowance to do whatever I want. In fact I'm learning that freedom is quite often the opposite of that. Most often 'whatever i want' is a reaction to my emotions, my circumstances, my selfishness, my pride. Freedom is a result. Not a prerequisite. It is as much restraint as it is movement. I just got married. In planning our wedding I began to experience all kinds of new and exciting things about the death of bachelorhood! Most of them had to do with um... female dynamics. Now I am a man and as such I tend to very quickly snap into 'fix it mode'. I responded to my beautiful bride to be in very logical ways. So business like and straightforward... Okay, the point is that I could respond to her any way I wanted to. I quickly learned however that if I didn't learn the 'correct' way to respond I would seriously impede my ability to function freely around her! Aka: Dog House! Please don't get me wrong! My now wife is wonderful to me! She is far from a diva. I just had/have a lot to learn in the marriage department. It's the same in all aspects of our lives. The choices we make determine our freedom!

I've long since left the fourth grade. I haven't diagrammed a sentence in a couple of decades and time seems to be passing at an ever increasing rate. Today, for just a moment though, I was back there, at my desk, craving freedom.

nate griffin

My wannabe friend

2009-04-03T21:55:00.000-05:00

My name is fear. I'm not your friend.

But thank you for welcoming me my dear
for I easily invade your thoughts day and night
Paralysis my goal, no strength left for you to fight

I've many disguises, forms, and ways
And I'm often the cause when you disobey
I lie, exaggerate, distort, and repeat
Sowing me instead, you reap defeat

I'll pervade your heart, teaching you distrust
Your lack of authenticity thought to be a 'must'
Self-made walls keep all away
Life-giving Words ineffective held at bay

You've forgotten the foundation on which you stand
The unchanging, unshakable, Great I AM
For I am the god on your heart's throne
And to my delight, I rule not alone

My sister 'Worry', and my brother 'Fright'
My cousin 'Dread', my father 'What might...?'
Tirelessly help me remain in command
Fear is my name, your life I demand

I hope you allow me to stay quite awhile
For there is much I hope to taint and defile
Upon only this condition must I flee:
When you believe His tabernacled Spirit of Truth, choosing Him over me.

A spiritual soap box...should I apologize beforehand?

2009-03-27T20:40:00.000-05:00

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' " Genesis 3:1-3 (NIV)

The dialog between the serpent and Eve once again struck a spiritual nerve of mine, rooted in conviction from the Spirit. Many of us have heard one of the important messages drawn from this story of Scripture, that being of not engaging in conversation with the enemy. By listening to the enemy in conversation, we may already be giving him power, for his words are death, not life.

I do not propose the following as the main exegetical idea of Genesis 3, but God has mercifully struck me to the core with it: Talking to and with God is imperative to our abiding in relationship with Him, rather than talking about God.

I wonder what the 'Fall' story would have looked like had Eve done a couple of things differently. Her response is painfully void of the relationship she actually has with her LORD God. First, just as the serpent deliberately avoids using God's personal name Yahweh (LORD) when he addresses Eve, she responds in exact fashion. Though brought to life by His very hands, she does not use the more intimate name of her Creator. Secondly, Eve talks about what God said (though the words are marred by her human modifications) rather than turning towards God and discussing with Him the previously uttered words. Sad day...

I do pray that we are demolishing arguments and pretensions that set themselves up against the knowledge of God (2 Cor. 10:5) through the use of Scripture and prayer. His Word is our offensive weapon against the enemy. But sisters, I hope we are not skimping over the very relationship in which we know God! We can attempt to stand our ground against the enemy all day long, but if we are not standing our ground in the Holy of Holies to start with I don't think we're going to last very long!

It is frighteningly easy to behave as Eve did in her response to the enemy's deception. We can respond immediately back to that liar, foregoing dropping to our knees in spirit, calling on the LORD by name, and allowing Him to bring back to mind the truth of what He has said in His Word. Perhaps what has been more disturbing to my spirit, in a most holy of discomforts, has been the propensity for this type of action in my own spiritual world. I love getting to talk about my Jesus with you siestas, with my girlfriends over the phone, and with my man. If anybody has the capacity to listen to me, it is one of my unspeakable joys to boast in Him through verbal or written word. He has just been so good to me; I need others to fall in love with Him. It's that simple. But, my blogging about Him does not equate itself to my being in unveiled constant communication with Him.

It is our blessed position as a child of God to 'cry out to God Most High, who fulfills His purposes for us.' (Psalm 57:2) We can draw near to the throne of grace, for we have a Great High Priest (Hebrews 4:14-16). Oh sisters, I plead with you to remain bowed down before Him, speaking to Him, before we run off speaking to others about Him.

In continuity with this privilege of speaking to our Jesus, might I add our need to listen to Him before going to hear of Him from another?! Y'all, you know that I am the biggest fan of learning from others, be they teachers, pastors, theologians, your very own child, writers, or those your elder. For crying out loud, I went to seminary for nearly two years, and could not write notes fast enough of the professors whose classes I had the privilege of attending; they are spiritual heroes in the faith to me, their lives sacrificed and dedicated to learning and teaching.

But for a plethora of reasons, my generation in particular falls into the hole of dashing off to the next conference, bible study session, or iTunes teaching for their spiritual health as opposed to the living and God-breathed words of the Bible sitting before their laps. We are 'fans' of Mr. So-and-So, or Mrs. So-and-So. My heart beats for us to be 'fans' of Jesus instead. Just as we are given the privilege to talk to God, we are given possibly the even greater privilege to hear Him. Ours is a God who speaks. His chosen possession, the Israelites, were marked time and time again by their ability to 'Hear oh Israel...' Girlfriends, He wants to reveal Himself to you. I pray we seek His voice before another's. And I pray we learn to talk to Him as well before we find ourselves only talking about Him. I fear if we don't, we place ourselves at risk of paraphrasing His truth in an impersonal way, tainting it in our fallen fleshly state, and naively believing that we are powerfully defending the enemy.

Dear sister, take your rightful inheritance as the child of God that you are. Call on His name. Hear His voice that created the very heavens and the earth, and then speak humbly back in response. He disrobed Himself of His glory to give you such access. Those of us in Christ have the miraculous privilege to dialogue with the One whose Words never fail.

Domesticity ... or something like it

2009-03-22T16:12:00.000-05:00

Hey my lovely siestas!

I have returned to siestaville, after I myself could not even handle the bombardment of thoughts in my head. I have been thinking about y'all a lot lately. [Pause] Actually, I think I have actually been talking to some of you in my head and to myself. Does that make me crazy???? Yes, I do believe so...

Nate and I got back to Nashville about 2 weeks ago. He hit the ground running with work. I hit the bed in sleep, trying to overcome a brutal cold I got when we had returned from our honeymoon. Four days later, I drove my new husband to get on a tour bus that would take him away from me for a total of about 3 weeks. I don't like that tour bus...don't like it one bit. I would go so far as to call it ugly, but it's carrying precious cargo inside, so I'll refrain.

And thus began my newlywed life in Nashville. And thus began some loneliness. And thus began my short conversations about Scripture with some of you in my head. And thus began my realization that I needed to get a life! Bless my dear Nashvillian friend Abby Lane for her sweet presence. She was in town long enough to take me to church with her last Sunday. I stood beside her, torn between joining in the incredible worship and wanting to sit right down on that cushioned pew with her and talk one another's girly hearts slap out. Rest assured; I behaved. Thank goodness the God I get to serve is bigger than a woman's need for girlfriend time. Grin.

Let me add somewhat intermittently here that I wholeheartedly support my man, which means I support his being gone for this moment as well. This tour was a last minute opportunity of provision that arose for us, and thus he took it. We are both downright miserable apart from one another. Those ahead of us in years of marriage tell me that I will get used to his being gone when he has to travel. Part of me knows that I will come to appreciate those moments of solitude b/c I love nothing more than to hide with my Jesus and some books. But most of me prays, not in disrespect towards my elders, that I don't get used to his absence. If God can sustain and renew my love and excitement for Him through each season, then He can sustain and renew my love for Nate enough so that I will delight in his returning home the 200th time as much as I will this time!

[Insert: Y'all might want to skip this part of you have an insanely weak stomach]. In light of no longer eating in a school dining hall, and wanting to serve my man, Miss turkey sandwich herself has entered the domain of the kitchen. Y'all, I was really coming to enjoy finding recipes and attempting to bring them into fruition. I hadn't burned something in two full days. And I think that's why it happened, b/c y'all know pride comes before a fall. I had just set out what I needed for dinner, and then I did it. I received my merit badge for newlywed domestic activity. I cut the index finger on my right hand with a gigantic knife of ours. (cringing still). Yes, yes, I did. After I caught my breathe from the pain and shock, I ran into the bathroom to run cold water over it. Apparently, in my unconscious, to have just stayed put at the sink I was at and run cold water over it would have been a most harmful decision, since there was a profuse amount of blood. And we mustn't contaminate the kitchen sink, right???

In my 'fight' or 'flight' response, I resumed my 'fight' position as always. In awkward left-handed fashion, I grabbed a ziploc bag, added ice, and made some type of compression over it with a rag so that I could try and get myself to the ER. Oh wait! But not before I ran over to my laptop, pulled up my theology syllabus, and checked to see which book I would need to bring with me to read while I wait. (Oh yes I did, even in the midst of all that pain....y'all know one should not leave home to sit in an ER waiting room for 4 hours without one's most recent theology book. I am highly embarrassed with myself). I actually only read a few chapters of it; I got to have a long-awaited phone date with my Mandy Lu while there. A few stitches later, I returned home, drained and famished. I'll end my story with letting you know that I have eaten a lot of cereal lately and have had nothing but bad hair days since the damage was done. I would pay someone to come brush my hair and fix it, b/c I can't do it with my incapable left hand.

As for these most recent days, I'm mainly job searching and working on my theology class. I can't figure out why there aren't any job openings for someone who loves the Word, lives in Nashville, loves to write, is fairly young and inexperienced, and hasn't yet fully completed her master's degree. It must be my hair y'all....I do so believe it is.

Love y'all. Miss y'all! And will write soon with something the Spirit has been working out in my heart.

Saying mahola to Kauai

2009-03-03T02:41:00.000-06:00

My top 16 favorite Kauai memories upon mine and Nate's 16 days of marriage. Grin.

1) Seeing double rainbows right from the view of our cottage porch. Neither of us had ever seen anything like this particular set, for they landed right smack in the depths of the ocean. Nate stood behind me, arms wrapped around me, and we remained silent except for the name of Jesus coming from our lips a few times. It was breathtaking. He is breathtaking.
2) Not wearing make-up during my time here. I never even broke out my set of curlers y'all. Praise Jesus Nate still thinks I'm beautiful without the beauty products. Bless him...
3) Waking up beside my husband. I love it if I manage to wake up before him so I can see him still asleep; this is a rare occasion however :)
4) Sitting inside our cottage, doors open, reading my book. I allow my focus to be easily interrupted to take in two things: the amazing ocean view Jesus gave us, and watching my man paint. I love the look he gets on his face when he is so wrapped up in it. I can only imagine the look of delight on the Heavenly Father's face so wrapped up in Nate praising Him one paint stroke at a time.
5) Getting mad for a brief moment at Nate during our kayak'ing trip. And then laughing at myself for how stupid I was acting (he did nothing wrong...) And then, he and I cracking up over another couple who was yelling at each other; you could hear them even when we passed them. Nate and I decided that if we ever did marriage training, we were going to make couples take a similar kayak'ing trip. The trip is worth a post in itself, and I haven't made the time for such yet, so I'll get back to it once we return to Nashville and I can attach pictures.
6) Piddling in a number of towns here. Our favorites: Hanalei, Koloa, and Ka'paa. With that, visiting numerous art galleries and watching Nate become mesmerized. I too became mesmerized, just in a different gallery. Well, more like a display of delights. Well, not a gallery at all really. But our discovery of Lapparts - an amazing coffee and dessert place - was quite the beautiful display to me. Hehe
7) Sleeping in, and waking up with absolutely nothing to do, except that which we wanted to do.
8) Cell phones turned off!
9) Reading our Bibles separately, but often in the same space...I felt the Spirit just invade our room with His Presence. I could weep over this one, so I'm moving on...
10) Continuously cracking up when out-of-the-blue I would realize I'm married, and married to Nate at that! We'd grin at each other, shake our heads, and remind the other we were husband and wife. I'm still very much in transition. I asked Nate if it felt so weird (in a good way) and unusual to him as well. His response: "Well....kinda. (Pause) I mean...yea. (Pause) But not really. It feels so natural. Like the way it's supposed to be. The way it's always been." Oh! Be still my heart...
11) Deciding to walk like roosters when we were out walking one day. There are so many of them here, and I jokingly and rhetorically asked Nate, 'What if we walked like that?!' So he did. And so I did....Neither of us caring about any passerby.
12) Discovering that the strawberry pancake I had ordered for breakfast one morning was really more like strawberry shortcake in disguise. Delicious....
13) Taking in the landscape of Kauai: ocean, mountain, and lush tropical foliage. We paused along one of our walks today and I tried to wrap my finite mind around the fact that God 'spoke, and it was so...' (Gen. 3). By His very Word, the Universe was formed. How on Earth (no pun intended) could you and I not believe with every part of our being that His written Word is that true and that bound for fulfillment through Him...It is ours girlfriends. How I long that we walk in obedience to His Truth.
14) Being able to celebrate Nate's birthday here in Kauai, four days after we got married.
15) The praise Jesus hand flings we did in the Jacksonville, FL and Dallas, TX airports on our way here. We realized the day before we were supposed to leave that my tickets were booked as Shelly Griffin, but that we had no copy of our marriage certificate as they were to mail it. And I had no other form of ID that showed Griffin. Y'all, one of the guys got distracted talking to us at 7 in the morning, and dropped my ticket. He picked it back up and just passed us on. I just flashed the other security guard in the following airport the best smile I could manage, and God granted us favor on that round too. You better believe we knew God's favor was on us.

16) How well Nate loves me, even in our inexperienced marriage days totaling only sixteen. That imperfect man loves me so so well...I am thrilled with the privilege to learn how to do life with him as we return to Nashville.
Mahola. Grin.

Day #10 in Kauai!

2009-02-24T16:50:00.000-06:00

Aloha from Kauai,

I just forced myself to close my reading in the Mark of the Lion series. Not that my opinion matters one iota in the literary world, but my oh my this book is amazing! The characters in this book have become so vivid to me, I nearly spoke about a couple of them to Nate yesterday in wondering if he knew how they were doing. Oh dear....I do need a life. Grin.

A couple of noteworthy things have occurred since my last post, so I'm here again, sitting on our porch. My Jesus tunes are going, the oceans waves are roaring, and a rooster is crowing near. [Side note: When we arrived, we learned that roosters would be greeting nearly every island corner we embraced. A hurricane in the early 90's set the farmed-ones loose, and needless to say, they have done quite the job of increasing their boundary lines, outside of their inheritance if you ask me.]

Nate is just a few feet from me, sitting in a chair and painting. He's wearing camo pants, and I've rubbed his back in such an amount of sunscreen, that those tattoos of his all have a nice white glare upon their shapes. Grin... To my absolute delight, Jesus got a hold of that man's mind and heart again in the past few days over an area of gifting that Nate doesn't get to walk in much - that of his art. I have been praying over those holy hands of his, asking them to be an extension of the very magnificent and creative mind of our God. I am increasing in passion for the world of art to be redeemed for our El Roi - the God who sees, and who has created mankind in His image. We are visually-minded people, who are consciously and unconsciously pulled into worship by the visual, be it our strong sense or not. "For since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse" (Rom. 1:20).

Nate wants his art to be a reflection of His Glory. His canvases are nearly all filled with nature, as he wrestles with the holy tension to take joy in the gift-Giver and reflect His Glory back to Him in the minute way that he can with the stroke of a brush . I wonder what it would take for us to be filled with the same sense of awe such as that which floods us over a sunset and that of our own human bodies, created in the image of the Most High God. Yahweh made them both, and they are a demonstration of His Glory; we are not to worship that which we see, but the One who has given us eyes to catch a mere glimpse of His Glory here on this Earth. Before I get myself in a holy hissy fit, don't misinterpret my summarized thoughts here: Girlfriend, you better keep on walking by faith and not by sight! But for a world paralyzed and demoralized in a 'worship' of that which this culture visually displays to us, I am beginning to sense a moving in my spirit for God to redeem the eyes of His people, spiritual and physical. May what we read, view, and look upon reflect the day in eternity where the breathe of God spoke, 'and it was so.' May the literal that we see only feed our minds with what is true and noble. And may we ask Him for a godly view of those around us, realizing that it was YHWH's hands that knitted them together.

A second matter of importance during our honeymoon, and not in the least bit spiritual, has been another favorite local dining spot discovery. Well, uhmm.....it's not exactly a 'dining spot.' [Let me go get my handy tourist book that I grabbed from Barnes & Nobles before we left.] Yes, here is the description of 'Duane's Ono-Char Burger: 3rd decade, still serving some of the best burgers on the island, specialty burger is the teriyaki burger (scrumptious)...most opt to eat at the cement outdoor tables (ahuh) where marauding wild chickens compete for your fries (yep).' We were straight up Kauai hippie beach bumb styling it for this lunch experience. Y'all, I'm not much of a red-meat eater, but this place was so good, Nate and I have plans to go back and order 2 burgers a piece instead of the 1 per individual we ordered for our first experience. That was a lame move... :)

Sigh...this post was supposed to be about mine and Nate's adventurous kayak'ing trip. Clearly, I never made it that far, and I've likely already bored you sweet things who are still reading. I'll save it for tomorrow, m'kay?

*THANK YOU for your prayers regarding the weather! It has improved drastically, and we keep giving Jesus the praise for it!

*We have plans to go hiking in the Waimea Canyon tomorrow or the day after. My Tarzan could run and climb in this jungle, but princess Jane has not yet recuperated from the kayak'ing trip. [Laughing at myself even now...]

Love y'all to pieces. Asking for more of Jesus for you right now...you are so dear to me.

Closing with a few photos

Kauai...

2009-02-20T22:52:00.000-06:00

I'm currently sitting on the porch of our honeymoon cottage, with some good Jesus tunes going, but not so loud as to drown out the powerful roar of the ocean's waves that are right below me. I prefer my Creator's natural songs of praise; it is absolutely glorious. Nate and I keep the sliding glass door of our cottage open all day and night, with the screen door as the covering, so that we can hear it. I wish the photos I have taken of our view do it justice. They do not...they provide an absolutely pitiful display of the majestic view God has given this Jesus-brat of His.

My man and I have had a wonderful past couple of days. Wait, let me rewrite that...my husband and I have had a wonderful past couple of days (insert me with a big goofy grin on my face). We wake rather early, a fact this sleep-lover shamelessly accounts to the five hour time zone difference. We hop in our tan rental car and embrace one of the most rewarding and seemingly endless twelve minutes of our day. It is rewarding because of the breathtaking views that just envelope us: lush jungle spotted with the most vibrant white, orange, and yellow flowers, rolling mountains on one side, and a turquoise ocean on the other. I comment on their beauty every morning as if we haven't taken this drive before, pointing them out to Nate for the umpteenth time. He nods and smiles ... saying warmly, 'I know baby...' I'm a gush for the beauty of creation - I really do feel like God has just fashioned it for me. I know... selfish and ridiculous, but it's our time together and I love it.

A seemingly endless twelve minute drive because of what awaits us. The breakfast selections that we have eaten here the past few days have unarguably become my best breakfast meals ever. No joke y'all. Fluffy, light banana and macadamia nut pancakes with freshly made coconut syrup, eggs benedict, and fresh papaya, mango, grapes, and pineapple that leave me so water-heavy from my fill of them that Nate and I both require walks afterwards.

The second day we were here, we made our way to the pristine beach right by our cottage. Me, being the ever-hungry one, packed Nate and I a cooler. Nate hauled that, along with our little chairs, and water bottles to a sunny spot. We dug our chairs into the soft white sand, and smiled goofily at one another, hearts speaking the unspoken. He opened his 'War and Peace,' and I flipped open the Mark of the Lion series book number one. I forced myself to not bring an academic or technical book with me on our honeymoon. It was a fight y'all: I love to learn and study, but I really felt like the Lord was calling me to learn to rest in all areas, including my mind! I have not read this series yet, and thanks due to school, I am hopping on board four years later after I should have in terms of relevancy. Grin....

Five minutes of beautiful weather passed. And then...well, I got a little cold. Well, more like, I got really cold. I didn't want to complain (who is supposed to be cold when it's 74 degrees outside for crying out loud??! I get on my own nerves in this arena...), so I threw my long sun-dress back on, and a jacket, resuming my reading. Poor Nate ... he was soaking up whatever sun his epidermis apparently had discovered, untouched by the cool ocean winds. And then y'all, it came. That dreaded afternoon shower swept upon us so quickly that we ran back to the car, laughing, flip-flops flapping, and Nate still hauling that untouched cooler. We have sadly not been able to go to the beach yet; the weather has been uninviting. We're asking Jesus to do a miracle for us, because the forecast doesn't seem to be improving. We have plans for kayaking in a couple of days, and I better not get wet :)

It hasn't been too disheartening yet though. We have greatly needed the rest. The ugly weather has given us an excuse for such. For the first time yesterday, I think I was finally able to rest after everything. I have taken long afternoon naps the past two days, and have had a couple of cry sessions for no apparent reason. I think they are rooted in the emotions from the past week catching up with me. Sweet Nate just holds me patiently, suggesting chocolate and a long walk afterward. Good man :)

That's about all for now. Oh yea, we went exploring in this cave today. I am pitifully ignorant of the appropriate terminology to explain it, so I'll just say it was amazing, and post some pictures later :) We've wandered into a number of art stores here; most of y'all probably didn't know Nate was an artist, so he appears in there looking like what I would look like if I were in a library or something. I love watching him stare at the art. He has been living high on his ahi wraps and fish tacos; I have preferred the fresh coconut that I was given yesterday. I walked back down to our car with it, holding it clumsily in my hand for another two miles, drinking out of my umbrella straw. Could someone puh-lease write tourist on my forehead. :) Oh well.

*My second disclaimer: Again, don't you sweet little ladies worry about my being on the computer on our honeymoon. Nate and I both love to write; this down time has been renewing for us both. He was so inspired yesterday, he poured his heart out over a film script he has been stumped upon in terms of writing while yours truly was napping. That's my sweet Jesus...allowing me to love Him more by giving purpose and vision to do that which we love to do, and which brings Him glory.

'Our God Reigns' just came on my iTunes mix. And Nate just came out here to give me a kiss, letting me know that he's going to make us some chicken and zucchini. I'm totally undone, and totally in love. All the more for my Jesus....

Love y'all to pieces...

PS - I so appreciate some of you long-time hidden 'lurkers' leaving your sweet comments. My heart has just swelled over the power of the Father to bring His body together here in blogworld. May my words be ones that denote my joy in 'knowing' you here, and the privilege we have to serve the Most Glorious One...I do so smile at the thought that he takes note on a scroll as we boast in Him (Malachi 3:16).

Becoming Mrs. Griffin

2009-02-17T18:10:00.000-06:00

Hey ladies.
It's the Matron of Honor again. I interrupt this string of live-blogging from Shelly's honeymoon to bring you a video. I'm the one with all the vid footage, and have a few clips I think you'll enjoy.

Here's one:

Activate! from mandy thompson on Vimeo.

My husband...and Elizabeth Pointe Lodge

2009-02-16T12:11:00.000-06:00

This is where my husband brought this hopeless romantic bride of his for

the first 3 days of our honeymoon

Y'all,

I'm not writing too much of a post, just posting a link so that you can see where Nate and I have been these past couple of days. We fly out for Kauai so early tomorrow morning that only the One who never slumbers nor sleeps will be awake to care.

Currently, all Nate and I want to do is sleep. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. And I kinda look like it too; but I don't care :) I have the blessing of waking in the morning next to this fine hunk of a man who is now my husband. Most of the time, Nate and I look at each other and start laughing. Sometimes I get weepy over the fact that this godly man before me is the one whom my Merciful Father has given me....an unspeakable picture of grace. My weary mind cannot seem to process anything else other than that.

We roll out of bed in the mornings and head down to the lodge's breakfast room, where the suns rays' wrap warmly around us. I obsess over their orange juice and fruit (b/c I have a love affair with fruit like no other), while Nate grins over his favorite: eggs benedict. I then manage to gobble down some amazing french toast with warm berries on top and some sugar free syrup, while Nate drools over his beloved piece of orange bread that is literally like orange-flavored poundcake. Yes mam, you better believe we took several slices of those back to our room for later.

We strolled on the beach yesterday. Nate found two little shark teeth. He was like a little boy who had found his hidden treasure. I loved the look on his face. But the one he has on his face these days makes my heart melt and brings a lump in my throat. We are so overwhelmed at God's goodness over our pitiful lives that we do not know what to do with ourselves. We are humbled and deeply indebted to some loved ones who served as wedding slaves in order to pull this wedding together. [Mandy deserves the biggest matron of honor award you could ever imagine. If it were not for her, I would not have been sane or stress-free.]

I'm about to go grab us lemonade and cookies :) Nate's sitting here beside me watching some man-channel on television :) His silver wedding band keeps catching my eye, and I breathe heavily once again to keep my tears down. I cannot believe that my Jesus loves me so to unite this spoiled-Jesus brat daughter of His to this fellow imperfect brother whose name I now share. Our hearts' cry is to glorify the Lord with one voice (Rom. 5)...He is our absolute delight.

*Note: Don't you sweet ladies worry that I'm not enjoying my honeymoon because I hopped on here to write a blog. Believe me...I am! But y'all know that writing is an outlet for me; and I am wanting to remember these days as well. Love y'all...

Shelly Elizabeth GRIFFIN!!!

5 days before we get married!

2009-02-09T10:32:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in our new apartment, drinking a cup of coffee, staring outside at the sunshine who has graced us today with her enveloping presence. I just finished

some carpet-time with my Jesus; now that I think of it though, everything Nate and I have done here in the past week has been carpet time as we are

completely furniture-less. Grin. I wouldn't trade it either. There is nothing like trying to create a dinner with the few pieces of kitchen appliances that you have and one old knife, and then sitting down together on our floor to dine. Personally, I could care less about owning much of anything, so I am more than content to prop our plates on one of my yet-unpacked moving boxes from Boston and laugh about it.

Nate and I are getting married in about 5 days. Oh...my....word. Y'all, I really need your prayers. My marriage to Nate feels so unreal that I cannot believe it's happening! I fear I'm going to get half-way down that aisle and drop flat on my face, veil flying forward, when the fullness of the reality hits me. The last few days, I have spent a lot of time in my car, repeating this to myself: "I'm getting married....I'm getting married....I'm getting married." I keep hoping it will resonate in this ever-active brain of mine.

Unfortunately, it seems more than my heart and mind can wrap around. It seems too good to be true. God has done so much in the 'more than you can ask or imagine' category in terms of my marrying Nate, that I really truly can't! Bless me, and help me! :)

We leave for St. Simons Island, GA tomorrow to prepare for the Day. I'll have friends flying in all the way from Boston

(I treasure them so), and his troop of godly warriors and best buddies are likely going to take over the island. They are having his bachelor night Friday evening. Pause....Did y'all catch that? That's the night before we get married!!! That's all I'm going to say about that.....

The ceremony begins at 2 pm, and the reception (aka - you better bring your dancing shoes and give Jesus some praise time) will follow immediately. According to my future groom, he truly believes we should only have to stay at the reception for

approximately thirty minutes. Bless his heart... :) We'll then stay in Amelia Island for a few days, and spend the next 2 weeks of our honeymoon in Kauai (the 4th island in the Hawaiian Island chain) with cell phones turned off!

This isn't a creative or inspiring post, but for those who wanted to be

informed of the 'Shate and Nelly' future days, here it is. I love him to pieces y'all. I actually want to get back on my carpet and bawl thinking about it. We are wonderfully imperfect (I say 'wonderfully' b/c I know God gets the glory in our weaknesses), but that man is absolutely perfect for me. I hopped in his very manly and sporty car yesterday to go to church and grinned sheepishly over how handsome he is. And then, I realized that he had put my CeCe CD in his player; he said he wanted to get his upbeat praise time on this morning. I nearly died laughing.

That woman (CeCe) makes me want to bust out in Jesus-based aerobics - so I did...in the car, on the way to church, with my man shaking his head at me half the the way. After he surprised me with flowers later that evening, and cooked dinner for us while I worked on the wedding, I decided he, and Jesus, were due some more praise.

Nate makes me love Jesus more. And I know that the only way I can serve

and love that man as I should is by keeping myself bound to my Only True Love. Anything Nate and I have to offer one another is only as a result of the overflow of our personal relationships with the Lord. I'm thankful the Lord has set things up that way. Because ain't nobody allowed to get in the way of my Jesus and I :) I love y'all sweet siestas. Nate and I have coveted your precious prayers - I mean that so sincerely. You could never imagine how they have covered us in this past year and a half.

So I leave you with the very last post as Shelly Elizabeth Bland. I am dropping the last name of the man whom I love more than words express; no name is necessary to remember him. How could I forget my first hero and love? I trust and pray that the life Nate and I live will be an offering of gratitude towards him. I am sure that if my Daddy had the blessing of meeting Nate, he would have given us quite the blessing; He and Nate are alike in many ways. Twinkle in his eye, and lump in his throat, he would undoubtedly have handed his little

girl over to the man she loves. And I would have danced with him one more time at the reception, on top of his feet, held upright by his strong arms, as always. I'll surely dance one for him on that day...

Yes indeed, there will be much to celebrate on this Bland-Griffin wedding day. I suspect the celebration in heaven may be just a little rowdier than ours: If He does dance, God would likely be tapping his holy feet on His heavenly Throne, the angels giving Him praise, and a cloud of witnesses cheering Nate and I along.

We give you all the praise, glory, and honor oh Lord. You are absolute Life to us. It is you that we adore....come sweet Jesus, and may we be a blessing back to you as we join, with one voice (Romans 5), to shout praises unto your holy and magnificent Name. We bless you Jesus.

I should be planning a wedding...but He's divinely jealous

2009-02-08T18:59:00.000-06:00

My dearest siestas,

I would love to grab your sweet hand and take you on the walk of my last two months, but time simply does not allow me to do so. I'm going to post a puny little update after this one regarding my personal life. If you would just cover me with grace though, I'm entering into blogworld tonight with a bit of audacity and rusty writing skills :) I know I left 'your' worlds, but I have felt your prayers, realizing that by Jesus' sweet grace, you never left mine; I think of you often, wondering if you are getting to know and love Jesus more.

My current status: Nashville, job-less, just moved into mine and Nate's new place (applause to Jesus please), celebrated my 26th birthday in Jan. (gasp!), and feeling overwhelmingly hunger about every three hours (Nate doesn't know what to do with me!)

I have such a myriad of emotions these days, it is unfair for me to recount them to anyone but my sweet Jesus. He would be the only One that would not be left dizzy! But, I feel like I just must get this one affection out to you. In this present season of substantial transition, and in preparation for marrying my man, I have not been able to deter from a particular truth about my God: His divine jealousy.

It has consumed me. I think of it all throughout my day, with a lump in my throat. Even right now, I am taking a deep breathe to keep these brimming tears suppressed! I ... cannot ... get ... over ... it.

His divine jealousy. Exodus 20:4-5 provides us with the first mention: "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God,..." In essence, YHWH's jealousy denotes a great eagerness and zeal.

Pause just a moment girlfriend, and let this one sink into the self-protective layers of our hearts where we fear His discipline and avoid the all-knowing gaze of our El Roi. Any time God's jealousy is expressed as wrath in the OT, it is because of idolatry and the breaking of the covenant. The God of the Universe, the God who fashioned you with His very hands, has promised you Himself. Exodus 6:7 reads "I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God..." The Giver and Sustainer of Life must breathe a deep sigh of pain whenever He sees His children turn to another god. The heart of God must swell in pain upon our misplaced affections when He so longed to be your God that He disrobed His majesty and became flesh. He is divinely jealous for you child. This divine jealousy, that can take the form of discipline and holy anger, is the very part of His jealousy that I have come to love. For it is this holy passion and eager zeal of His that keeps this wayward child bound to His grace and will.

When I have been out of His will, it is then that He allows me to be dissatisfied and discontent. When I have walked outside of His laws of liberty, He has at times allowed me to be given over to the fleeting passions of my flesh. As painful as those times have been, it teaches this stubborn daughter of His a lesson: There is no One (or thing) like my God. I frequently ask Him to make me flat out miserable over any area of my life where my heart, mind, or soul is not entirely His. For you see, He is jealous enough over me and you to want every ounce of you. And because He is who He is, He's allowed to demand it. If we realize that His divine jealousy is a gracious holy zeal that keeps watch over our affections and emotions, sheltering them from wrong, we would willingly submit ourselves. As a matter of fact, we would probably be begging for His jealousy to be active in our lives. He already is the Jealous One for you, so He can't not be; but we can fight Him over it every misplaced affection on the way.

Isaiah 9:6-8: For to us a child is born; to us a son is given, and the government will be upon His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over His kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

That's the divine jealousy of God girlfriend. If His holy zeal can establish the enduring kingdom of Christ from everlasting to everlasting, I bow myself in absolute humility before His divine jealousy for me, so that He may be my only true love and establishing His enduring kingdom in me. His Glory is worth it; I can promise you that.

And so I close, foregoing the exegetical details that the nerd in me would love to share with you if I had the time. I am doing this subject a pitiful service to how wonderful and mind-blowing it is, but this is all I can offer y'all at the moment, in this season, 5 days away from being married. I trust God through His living and active Word to spur you on to discovering this for yourself. And I ask the Holy Spirit to soften your heart to the wonderful reality of God's protective, beautiful, and accomplishing divine jealousy over you. For it has saved me. It has redeemed me from a pit of despair, depression, and insecurities. It has set me free from disorders and addictions. It has broken paralyzing chains of fear. It has kept me saved for Nate. And it has kept Nate in his position as the imperfect love of my life. And it has changed this heart of unhealthy desires into one that says instead, "I delight to do Thy will" (Ps. 40:8). It has caused me to love my Jesus more than anyone else in this world.

I pray you come to praise Him for His divine jealousy. And I ask that He would develop in us a godly jealousy for Him, and for one another, for the sake of His Great Name. He is worth it sister.

TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS

2009-01-31T09:03:00.000-06:00

Hello lovely ladies!

This is Mandy again, Matron of Honor Extraordinaire, even though I'm no substitute for your beautiful and beloved Shelly. She'll be back. Eventually. Probably sometime in March or April. After a two-week honeymoon (yes. two - count them - TWO), and then all the post-wedding nesting that will take place. Thank you cards. etc etc etc. Oh yeah, and spending time with Nate.

I wanted to ask a favor of you ladies that Shelly loves so much. (Did y'all know that she has mentioned some of you by name to me before? She thinks of you more than you realize...)

Anyway, back to the favor!

This is the two week mark - February 14th is fast approaching. They finally found an apartment and Shelly moved in this past week. (I heard through the grapevine that the location isn't the best, even though the apt has a HIGH cute factor rating.)

Anyway, back to y'all! :)

I wanted to invite you to give Shelly some last minute advice before her big day - but, I'm asking for a very specific focus to your advice... Since her head is swimming with to-do lists, could your advice be focused in the direction of how Shelly can STAY FOCUSED ON WHAT MATTERS over the next two weeks?

Something like this: Shelly, I know your head is swimming with information, and you have LOTS to accomplish over the next two weeks, but I think a great way for you to stay focused would be by _______________.

She'll be reading these comments via email, as they'll be sent directly to her (and me) - and it's my Matronly duty to make sure she pays attention.

Ok ladies! I'm looking forward to what you'll offer Shelly.

The Happy Couple

2008-12-18T14:33:00.000-06:00

Moving Day

2008-12-18T13:39:00.000-06:00

Hi. I'm sad to report the news that I'm not Shelly. But, don't panic, I've been given permission - as a part of my list of "Matron-of-Honor" duties - to keep y'all updated on the next few months of Shelly's life.

My name is Mandy.

On behalf of Shelly, I want to apologize for her lack of attention to this blog... Let's just say that her energy has been well-focused ELSEWHERE: Wedding plans, classes, world-traveling fiance', etc etc. I'm sure you ladies understand!

I just said goodbye to my BFF. This time a boy has stolen her, and I have a feeling he's not gonna give her back.

Yes. Today is moving day.
They packed up.
Drove away.
Headed south for the winter... and the rest of their lives!

The past few days have been a whirlwind for her... Nate (still worn out from his most recent bout with Malaria - long story) arrived on Saturday, and slept while Shelly finished her last exegesis paper. (I'm not sure what an exegesis paper is. You can ask my husband. He's a student at this seminary as well. All I know is that they are HARD to write.. So, yes, 20 pages in 8 hours is nothing short of a miracle!)

(And we properly gave Him praise for getting her through the paper so quickly.)

The rest of her time this week has been spent saying goodbyes. LOTS of goodbyes. Complete with tears and hugs and more tears. Last night at dinner, Shelly recounted that Nate even cried. He agreed, saying he cried because all her friends took so stinking long to say goodbye!

(Nate's a funny one, yes he is. And, bless him, he's wrapped around her little finger.)

The packing and leaving part has been rather... tense. But, she only yelled at him once. Good thing he knows a stressed bride when he sees one!

(Speaking of. Y'all should see the way he adores her, even when she's a little, um, moody. The man is ruined for life. He needs prayer. Lots of it.)

There's no room for the iPod in this car. My best guess is that Shelly is gonna have to sit in his lap all the way home. We can't have that, now can we? ;)

Over the next few days they'll be wandering all over the eastern seaboard, eventually landing in Nashville, unpacking the car, and heading south for Christmas.

So, that's the latest - with more to come.

I can't make any promises about this blog once they tie the knot, but I can promise you, as Matron-of-Honor extraordinaire, that I'll give you a handful of updates AND a chance to bless Shelly over the next two months.

Well, according to Shelly: SEVEN weeks and two days, to be exact.

~mandy

My God is a show-off...and I love Him for it.

2008-07-21T17:13:00.000-05:00

Prologue:

God glances down from His heavenly throne, smiles, and starts fulfilling the words He spoke long ago over two peoples' lives. He acts with divine orchestration to work out a plan that no mind could conceive. The two people see a little 'darkness' over their minute self-made plans. God sees it as a divine opportunity to get some glory. For then they will know, that the LORD their God is God, and 'nothing is too difficult for Him.'

Scene one:

Character Me and my circumstances --> haven't seen my man in 2 months
--> finishing up Hebrew I (loved it - even more than
Greek
--> can't wait to see my man visit on Friday
Character man and his circumstances --> haven't seen his woman in 2 months
--> whirlwind travel schedule
--> can't wait to come visit woman in Boston

Scene two:

Character man and character me realize the airplane ticket is too expensive if they plan to do such things like eat and pay their cell phone bills in the future. Dern it....Airplanes are dumb :(

Scene three:

Character me --> tries to put on her 'big girl panties' and just deal with it
--> couldn't find those
--> spends a lot of quality time on the carpet with her Jesus
--> sad heart; in-love heart aches much
Character man --> does his best to support and encourage and understand slightly hormonal woman in the far away land of Boston

Scene four:

Character me --> desperate and unashamed to beg to her God, pleads for a miracle

Scene five:

Character man --> wonders if a double-doozie cookie from the Great American Cookie Company would help woman.
Character me --> tells him not even those would help...she misses her man (Character man gasps in shock at the severity of the situation!)

Scene six:

Character man --> receives a check in the mail Thursday morning from a mutual couple of friends of ours to bless us in hopes of making a visit possible
Character woman --> receives an email from a fellow GTech sorority sister Thursday evening making it possible for character man to receive a Delta buddy pass
Both characters - can't believe their friends...wonder if they will ever know how their obedience unto the Lord to give blessed our hearts. Surely not...

Scene seven:

Character me --> cries, laughs, screams, and sits down in her hall for a while
--> marvels at a God of such mercy
--> humbled at the blessings He as a Heavenly Father longs to lavish when
we walk obediently to the difficult things to which He calls us
--> supposed to be studying for her Hebrew final she has the next morning
--> can't concentrate to study hardly because she's too excited
--> can't sleep because she's still in awe of her God and anxious to see a
'second' love
--> recognizes the blessing of the presence of the Body even more

Scene eight: Character Me picks Character Man up at the Boston airport and jumps into his arms -- be still my heart -- thy love is here! -- Curtains close

Trust in Him with all your heart siestas. He is jealous to be your Only passion and love. I rejoice with you over the ways, even the difficult ones, in which He makes sure He is the One who receives all the glory and praise in your lives. I just started back to class this week, so I'll seek to catch up with you more by the end of the week. Love each of you!

'No' little lady

2008-06-29T12:02:00.000-05:00

Y'all,

I know that at this point in my blogworld, it is most appropriate for me to give some kind of life update, and I assure you it will come soon. But for this moment, I need to speak about my Jesus.

Just here lately, I have been pleading with Him over a particular situation. And when I say 'plead,' I am meaning full-on childlike faith, given by Him, to believe and ask for the impossible. I know He is able. However, the answer He gave me was a "No." So, I pleaded some more. And some more. And my pleads turned into full-on childlike tantrums. Still, a "No." Then, I got angry at Him; and I even reverently told Him so. Still, in the same gentle voice as before, He whispered, "No Shelly."

In the midst of my fighting Him, I've been honest enough to acknowledge my rebellion; I've told Him that I would love more than anything if He could give me a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), united with His (Psalm 86:11), delighting to do His will (Psalm 40:8), and submissive to it. But still, I've resembled the ridiculous kid in the grocery store screaming and doing a dance on the floor in outrage towards her Mom because she can't have the sugary cereal with the must-have toy in the box!

I want my 'toy' in this situation and I have been ceaselessly letting our El Roi know it.

Praise God. He answers even our warped half-hearted pleas coming from sinful rebellious hearts. He pressed my heart to submission this morning under the trustworthy nail-scarred hands of a God who is always my "Yes." He changed my heart's desires from an ill-knowledge based 'want' to the all consuming, all demanding, satisfying 'must-have' love of my God.

I still have my 'No' over this particular area, and I'm pretty sure no ounce of His Heavenly Throne was shaken by my tantrums. I'm also pretty sure every ounce of my Heavenly Father's heart was though. Today, He spoke a whisper in my spirit loud enough to bring back life into these dead bones of mine. He reminded me that He is granting me a beautiful Yes. My 'Yes' is in Him.

And that my dear friend is enough for me. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a different season. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a bigger way than I could have imagined, and that's why it has a temporary 'No.' Or He may not. He may be trying to grant us all the true longings of our hearts to have more of Him. He may be inviting us into the privilege and blessing of knowing Him, which is eternal life. He may be extending a gracious Father's hand in protection from a harmless plea because He is trying to give us a greater gift. As in this case, He is extending the greatest gift I ultimately yearn for - that of Him.

"He is my very great Reward." (Gen. 15:1)

"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why through Him we utter our Amen to God for His glory." (2 Cor. 1:20)

I love you all dearly. He is your Yes...

Hopeful for more

2008-06-25T16:17:00.000-05:00

Y'all....it's been nearly 4 months! FOUR months....I don't know what to say.

And I can't begin it all here, but I want you to know that I miss you as much as miss my salsa down south - which is an unspeakable amount if you know me :) I'm really hoping to fight back for some time here in blogworld, especially before the Siesta Fiesta in San Antonio in August, so here is my first minute attempt. I will refrain from personal-update bombardments and Jesus loving until I gather some courage (and pick each of you off the floor from shock at my being back here in blogworld).

For now, I am posting my current song-obsession that has my heart bowed on the floor. I believe that it speaks to whatever your circumstances, be it the tragic or the mundane, the joyful or the sorrowful, the ever-changing and the monotonous. His Spirit beckons our hearts to be still, and know that He is God. Psalm 131 says it better than I could, so I will close with it.

"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul
within me."

Are we concerning ourselves with matters too great for us? Are our thoughts spewing in every angle but a pretty one out of distrust and worry? Oh! Be still, and know that He IS God!

...for this I know, that the LORD my God is God, and He is for me

Current status: MIA

2008-02-28T19:28:00.000-06:00

My faithful siestas who give grace to this unfaithful one!

I just wanted you to know why I'm pitiful as of lately! It's 8 degrees outside right now. And really, according to my southern genetic make-up, that alone is reason for me to be validly pitiful. (Not that I'm saying God isn't bigger than that! :) ).

Anyway, I want you to know that I think of you each throughout the week. I'm pretty sure the Lord calls nearly all of your crazy and fun blog names to my heart and mind as the days past, and I lift your sweet spirits before the Lord while He impresses a specific burden on my heart for you on occasion. I miss you like crazy. But you'll have to bear with me for a little while longer.

I'm taking 5 classes right now, and working nearly 20 hours a week. In case you haven't been to graduate school, four classes is a nice maximum without loosing your insanity. I've also finally been able to get back to the gym for some healthy exercise these days. (I say 'finally' because I broke my toe about 4 weeks ago. Yep - broke my toe. I've been so busy that I haven't even been able to give that one the blog it is so worthy of receiving. Oh but it is. Me, in a black opened-toe cast boot hobbling in the snow....picture it, and I am sure I don't need to say anything more! Don't even get me started on how it never matched any of my outfits). Throw in the fact that I have a long-distance phone-only relationship with my man, and try to throw in some good eating and sleeping during these times, I suppose you can conclude as to why my blog world is sadly empty these days.

Know that my heart is full to boast with you and hear your day to day stories. I am sure one day soon if I don't get to type what my heart is bursting forth to proclaim, some poor victim that I run into on campus one day is going to have to hear it all in one sitting. You are all so dear to me. In 3 more weeks, I'll be down to only 4 classes - so maybe I'll celebrate by posting a blog? :)

Press on...and don't give up girlfriends. He is our exceedingly great reward.

A fleeting moment to vent

2008-02-06T19:43:00.000-06:00

I just needed a moment to say:

I'm at home tonight...er....I mean the library, trying to familiarize myself (translation - study right up until the point where I fall asleep at the desk like the poor guy next to me did last night) with my NT Greek Bible. I'm taking an 'Interpretation of the NT' class this semester, which I could not be more pumped about. It's basically the background course for all my future exegesis classes, and teaches me how to write an exegesis paper, with the hopeful anticipation of my submitting one at the end of the semester.

Anyway...I'm getting my Greek on in Jesus' merciful Name...and going through an extremely technical book that explains some of the apparatuses of this Greek text (i.e. - notes in the inner margin, outer margin, abbreviations, parallel references, and signs for other various texts). They were so sweet to let me know that they included a small light blue card for me to keep in my new Greek Bible as a reference for all of those handy-dandy codes and abbreviations that I hadn't committed to memory yet.

Y'all...I've been staring at it wondering why I was struggling recognizing some things that I'd just spent over 4 hours reading about in detail. The 'handy-dandy' reference card is in GERMAN y'all! IT'S IN G-E-R-M-A-N. Y - to the stinkin' - ES! It is! The authors of the 400+ page book that are telling me how to read this NT Greek Bible are German, so in their translation of that book to English, they must've thought I'd be competent to handle the small card in their original language.

Two for the price of one...I get German and Greek all at the same time. Did I mention I didn't register for a course in the German language? Apparently, I'm to learn Greek through the German language (Okay...I'll quit being so dramatic, but seriously.) Y'all...I need some mercy! Mercy, mercy, mercy!

And PS - Any one of you siestas, miestas, and lurkers can learn Greek! It is amazing...I'm the clueless one that just keeps pushing through until the Lord decides to have mercy on me and hit me with his faithful Teaching skills ;)

Deserving Design with my boy Vernie

2008-01-29T20:50:00.000-06:00

Alright everyone...

To give glory where glory is due, I thought you'd all love to join me in a little praise dancing (closed doors are allowed) for tomorrow (Wednesday) because...

Vern Vip - my boy Vernie as I shall call him - is the host of the show Deserving Design. Have y'all ever seen it? To summarize a little about what he does, and I quote, "Designer Vern Yip hosts a new feel-good design show that gives a break to the people who really need it the most." So there you go.

So guess who is going to be on the show featured tomorrow Wednesday, at 9PM on HGTV??? My Georgia Tech sorority girls - Alpha Delta Chi!!! Yes...yes...yes. We were actually selected this past Spring semester, but the show will air tomorrow evening. Now hold on to your remote control before you completely stereotype my sorority, m'kay? They are an anointed group of young women whose lives I considered it a privilege to be able to walk beside during my years at Tech. It remains, and acts on biblical principles...so we stick out like a sore thumb in the Greek community, which I love. We're rubbing shoulders with that often-times dark world, communing where we've been planted, yet not forsaking the call to holiness. And yes - we did all the cheesy things that go along with being in a sorority. Anyway, I don't think any of the girls will be in the scenes at all..maybe? And it's not about us or the sorority. But I wanted to rejoice in the graciousness of God - that He would allow our small, often-overlooked, going against the tide of the Greek community, to be swept up in His overwhelming favor, and have the privilege to be able to continue to reflect Him, as in a mirror.

We surely were not deserving of anything...and the girls' least concern was a renovated room. But may He receive all the glory, honor, and praise...He'll take center stage if you let Him - and a television show too :)
PS - I have some 'Jesus' mumblings below if you were thinking I still hadn't. But you'd be much more fulfilled going to read your Bible again and hearing the voice of the Living God instead of mine, m'kay? :) Love y'all!

Just a few of the girls

A Holy Limp of Prevail

2008-01-26T20:30:00.000-06:00

I walk with a limp. You may not see me hobble all the time, but I do. No. There are no outer bandages and the crutches were disposed of after a while. They seemed to hurt me more than help.
There is no need to pity me for my walk. I am privileged to limp. I know that seems contradictory to the status quo of superwoman these days who flies through life with her one arm of faith held out in battle against any enemy. But it was God-ordained. It was God purposed. And it was God caused.
Jacob, son of Isaac, is dear to my heart. He was touched by God. God’s touch brought all of the things one normally thinks of when we hear those tender, yet unfortunately, sometimes, clichéd words – ‘touched by God.’ It brought life, wholeness, vitality, promise, and closeness. However, it also brought a breaking. A hip breaking to be more exact. Jacob has the holy limps of all holy limps; the first, but by no means the last. God has likely called you to one as well…
Jacob was returning to his home land of Canaan, but in dread of meeting his brother Esau. Jacob feared that Esau had been wanting to kill him ever since he left Canaan. Jacob had word that Esau was coming to meet him with 400 men. Jacob had stolen Esau’s birthright, and taken their father’s blessing through deception. The brothers were not on friendly terms…and Jacob’s overwhelming fear of his brother was validated. ((It turns out that Esau embraced his brother weeping, bowing down, and with a kiss – what a picture of the mercy of God displayed through Esau towards his brother – but another story for another time.)

Despite this, Jacob continued as God had commanded him. He prays: “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, “Return to your country and to your relatives, and I will prosper you,’ … deliver me I pray from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, that he will come and attack me and the mothers with the children” Genesis 32:9-12. Jacob then sends all of his children and wives across the stream ahead of him, leaving him all alone.
It’s night. It’s dark. Jacob is alone. His loved ones are not with him. The circumstances demand fear. Will he die? Will his wives and children die? Will his possessions be stolen? Will he reach Canaan? Anxiety overwhelms him, and one plea for help has come from his heart to the God of his grandfather and father.

The clock on the kingdom calendar has ticked towards the dramatic circumstances. Against the darkness of Jacob’s soul, against the doubt of what would come in the morning after this lonely night, and against fear and solitude, God steps in.
He does not step in with a vision. He does not step in through the winds, or the stillness of the night. He does not step in by a word. He does not step in to allow Jacob to feel His soft comforting presence of peace. He instead, steps in to battle. He steps in to wrestle with this child of the covenant. He steps in to get dusty with the son who claims Him as the ‘God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac,’ yet remains clearly distant in his lack to claim Him as my God.
Scripture tells us that Jacob wrestles with him until daybreak. When He (God) saw that he had not prevailed against him (Jacob), he touched the socket of his thigh; so that the socket of Jacob’s thigh was dislocated while he wrestled. Upon the breaking of dawn, He asked Jacob to let him go. Jacob said that he would not let him go unless He blessed him first.
A name change and a blessing later, the wrestling ceases and Jacob is left alone again. The sun rose, and the match ended. Jacob has seen the face of God, his soul was preserved and he crosses the river, limping from the holy touch.
Jacob wrestled all night - and he got a ‘hip-breaking’ in the process. But don’t miss it dear one. Do you see it? Does your heart resonate with emotional familiarity? Jacob, whose name meant “heel-grabber” because he heel-grabbed Esau in the womb, grabbed onto Someone greater this time. And he wrestled his way through, still demanding that he receive a blessing. (Some things don’t change do they!?) God, in response, gave him a blessing, and probably more resounding, changed his name. No longer will he be called Jacob, but he will be called Israel, in Hebrew “God will prevail’.
Seemingly contradictory? God gives him a name that meant ‘God will prevail,’ yet Jacob ‘prevailed’ in the wrestling match that night per se. Not in the least is God contradicting Himself, nor on some ego trip of denial. Jacob, son of Isaac, son of Abraham, has the promise of the covenant to him. The blessing he asked for was given by God that night; but what Jacob may not have realized was that he’d already had the blessing. God had already given him the blessing through the established covenant of Abraham. In addition, Jacob had the earthly blessing of his father Isaac. What more blessing could he have needed when the God, Elohoim of the Universe, made covenant that He would be with him, multiply his descendants, and more? Jacob had the blessing unquestionably. God gave him more than a ‘blessing’ – He changed his name.

‘Jacob’ to ‘Israel’. ‘Heel holder’ to ‘God will prevail’. One who holds another back to one who battles forward to victory. God… will… prevail.
Jacob prevailed that night. But God will prevail through Jacob’s heart, establishing Himself to the nation of Israel. God prevailed in the underlying battle. He, in a sense, took Jacob’s face in His hands, looked at him, blessed him, changed his name, and touched him. Through Jacob, God would establish the 12 tribes of Israel - and from out of this continued lineage, Jesus Christ, Conqueror of death, would come.
Jacob got the victory because God prevails. Face to face, no longer called a heel-holder, Jacob’s soul is transformed. It is not necessarily that the future doubts had been resolved; Jacob received no answer about Esau’s coming, no peace about the safety of his family, no conjured up internal strength, and certainly no extraordinary physical strength at this point – an all night wrestling match and a broken hip leaves even the strongest of self-wills weary. But he trusted God.
It was a victory over Jacob’s mind and soul. He had wrestled with God about his doubts, fears, and darkness. He did not wrestle against God.

We have all been there; however, I fear that some of us have missed the blessing of the wrestle. Many times, we will decide to embrace the darkness of our nights, the aloneness, the fear, the unbelief, and fight hard. Unfortunately, we fight against God. We really have not wrestled at all, but hide our innermost thoughts and emotions from God. We may even tearfully pour out a confession and a prayer, such as that of Jacob’s, but place our hands over our hearts in the process, not allowing God to look at the darkness inside. The inevitable happens in these circumstances: when I refuse to jump in the ring of my Almighty and let him deal with me, there is no victory and no glory for my God. I am still a heel-holder…and I grab onto whatever thing or person is nearest me to get my empty blessing and pretentious victory. I lose…
I beg you to wrestle with God. Let your heart and soul fight with God, and the limp of the darkness becomes a holy limp of wholeness and light. Let God get you face to face, dusty in the ground, as He whispers ‘Work with me child! Do you see me? Do you see my heart for you?’ I am for you, not against you. I am your shield and strong tower. I will bless you and make you prosperous. I am God, your God, and I will prevail!
Take courage beloved, and get dusty. Do you feel alone in the emotions of your soul? Is there an area of darkness to look upon? Is there uncertainty of fear over the future? Is there an area of brokenness in your heart over the past? He has called you near. He has called you to battle. He has called you to battle against yourself, and with Him. We lay down our lives, and live. We take up our cross, and follow Him. We grieve for the night, but are promised that joy comes in the morning.
We wrestle with the dissonance of our souls, and what we receive is a blessing of unbroken fellowship, power, and a new name. We are overcomers, victorious in Christ, and no weapon forged against us shall prosper – for this is the inheritance of the saints. We march on across our rivers, gather our friends and family, and embrace our ‘Esau’s.’ We do not draw attention to our limp. But we cannot hide it either. It is a reminder of who God is to us, what He has done for us, and what He has promised to us. God is not just one who has spoken to us, nor the God of our fathers and grandfathers. In the intimacy of battle, He has become our God, and we are His people.
We limp a limp given by the touch of God, visible to the doubting Thomases in us, and around us, who need to know that we have been in the dark lonely nights, and have come through. A reminder of our absolute dependence upon Him, a reminder that He is victory, a reminder that He is for us, a reminder that we have to be for ourselves, a reminder that there is no fear in Him, and no darkness is in Him - for He is light, a reminder that He has given us a new name, a reminder that He is all sufficient and all knowing.
Don’t miss the wrestle sweet sisters. Cease heel-grabbing onto false gods, temporary fixes, idols, or things of this world. God has called you into deep fellowship – deep communion – He’s called you alone with Him to look Him in the face, speak, and work out your salvation with fear, trembling, and a little wrestling match. Has God allowed some solitude in your life? Turn your eyes off of your friends, family, and other loved ones who we need as the Body of Christ, but are not meant to walk thru this valley of your soul with you. They are across the river cheering you on in prayer and encouragement. The Creator of the Universe has called you to Himself. What a divine privilege of grace. What a blessing of His goodness. What a powerful chance to commune.
Don’t miss the chance to get with God over the areas of your heart. He arrives with greatness for you. He gets close, your face in His hands, heart pounding, eyes of love asking you to work this one through with Him, and a new name over an area of former darkness.

Are you ready for the holy limp of wholeness and blessing from God? He is…..

Psalm 13: “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD…”

Micah 7:8 “Rejoice not over me my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me!”

Genesis 50:20 “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”

Psalm 27

Genesis 32

Christmas, New Years, Ducks, and Cake

2008-01-21T13:17:00.000-06:00

Hello all my missed siestas, miestas, lurkers, and individuals who'd given up hope of me returning back to blogworld. I've missed you! And come to the valid conclusion that y'all have made me that much weirder than I already am. For during my absence from you, many of you would come to mind, heart, and prayer...though only through your blognames or blog titles - not your real names. I am not sure that I even have all of your real names memorized, and I've decided I'm not going to try. You are what you are to my heart, so there you go.

Anyway! I'm not going to type much here since I've been out of commission for over a month. A post that would adequately cover such a time period would bore me to tears and surely send you to the store to buy a gallon of ice cream as a means of comf0rt to get through it. BUT, I will just insert some pictures from the past month and a half, and you can catch up with me that way, m'kay? I love you all! And am working on a post to deliver to you in the next few days - thank you for being patient with me. And thank you for your encouragement. Y'all are such a blessing. I love you dearly.

Christmas Party at the end of the semester: Shaney, me, and Natalie (all southern girls). Location: South Hamilton, MA
Wedding #1 back at home upon leaving school: me, Ashley, and Wendi (I've known these dear girls since I was 5 years old. It was a precious blessing to get to be in a wedding together with them for one of our friends.) Nate and I attended another wedding that same day, but I was too tired to even take pictures in that one (which means I'm WAY tired.). Location: Jekyll Island, GA
Tina-Marie (Nate's sister-in-law), me, and Anna (Nate's sister) around the days of Christmas. I met his entire family for the first time, and look...I'm still smiling and functioning. No seriously - they're amazing and wonderful. Explains him very well. Location: Panama City, FL
Luke (Nate's brother), Ivan (his Dad), Nathanael (which they call him, and I tease him about), and his brother-in-law Todd. This picture just makes me laugh b/c he and his Dad are both wearing zipped hooded navy blue jackets. He's already become his Dad huh? :) . Location: Panama City, FL
My other boyfriend - Mac - and I kissing over New Year's Eve :) Location: Greenville, SC

Me and my man over New Year's. Location: Greenville, SC (And yes all my much-needed spiritual mama's out there - we are wonderful. He is wonderful. And I still have the stupid-love face on. He's leaving Sunday to be in Thailand for 3 weeks, so I'd cherish your prayers for him. And me - so that I don't go get that gallon of ice-cream I mentioned earlier.)

All the boys, and me, during the days of duck-hunting after New Year's. Clarification: They got up at 5 am each day to go, and returned home as I was waking up :) I didn't feel left-out at all: I had several good books, chocolate-covered nuts, my pajamas, and my Jesus with whom to bond. Location: Wynne, Arkansas.

My favorite view on campus. This is what Boston welcomed me back with upon return. Apparently, it thought I would miss the cold. It's 4 degrees here today - don't even get me started.

My birthday was this past Sunday. So, Saturday night a big group of us went cosmic candlepin bowling. Translation: cosmic = black light, disco balls, and all oldies music. I was loving it, and didn't care if it felt a bit middle-school'ish. Candlepin bowling = They use bowling balls about the size of a grapefruit, and skinny taller pins that they expect you to be able to hit with the small bowl. Riiiight! lol. Mandy treated me to a quality chick-flick the next day (long overdue), Nate sent me flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries (my favorite...he's a good man), and the girls celebrated over me to such a foolish extent, that I was left outright embarrassed. I just had to get under it, and receive it as straight from my Father's hand (which is what I believe it was). Because y'all know how I don't like receiving any attention for crying out loud.

Okay, you survived. That's it! Finals, 2 weddings, snow storms, a new family, 25 years of age, and 4 states later, you're up to date :) I love y'all

My elf family

2007-12-07T16:06:00.000-06:00

Hey sisters! And you brave men out there!

I don't have much time, because I'm writing a paper at Panera on my theology of corporate worship comparing my background and an 'unfamiliar' church. Try not to be jealous though, m'kay? :)

Anyway, my brain is scattered because I have so much I want to catch you up on! But for now, I'm thinking you really should love yourself and go read 1 Samuel 21 and 22. David is something to behold. I am hoping to get to expound upon it soon...but finals are beating down my door!

I have 3 papers to finish writing, and 2 finals - all due next Wednesday. Big nerd party huh?

Anyway, I thought this would make you laugh, and be a fun thing to do for any of your friends or family. I keep cracking up over it...particularly with my brother in his dancing tights :) Go here!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1206960567

I'm alive...I think

2007-11-19T17:51:00.000-06:00

Siestas and miestas,

I'll refrain from writing much, b/c I still don't make much sense to my own self, and I can't even type without having to hit 'delete' from the number of typos I keep making! BUT, I wanted to say hello, and let you know that I've been absent from blog world b/c I've been sick for about 2 weeks now. Booh for colds and booh for stomach viruses, especially when they come at the same time.

1) I've been sick.
2) I've slept a LOT.
3) I've slept a LOT.
4) Gatorade has become a dear friend again.
5) Nate is wonderful to me. We couldn't see each other over Thanksgiving as had originally planned, so he hopped on a plane last weekend to surprise me with a visit. The boy knows my love language is quality-time, and despite my low-energy state, he made the visit great.
5) I have 3 weeks before the semester ends to get all of my work done. (WAIT...Lemme go try not to fall out over that one. THREE WEEKS! Hmm...prayer for the sickly child who hasn't been able to do her work).
6) Snow fell this morning. I thought someone had spray painted an area of our driveway with white spray paint; I was so flustered that they didn't evenly distribute it (in my Type A Personality self). It was 70 back in GA. Can you tell I've never seen snow fall before? Yep...

Okay...I'm delirious. And done! Happy Turkey Day sweet sisters. Do take the time to reflect over the faithfulness of the Lord upon your lives this past year. It so overwhelmed me. He is such the One to be praised.

From Nate's visit:

Set apart for The King

2007-11-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

1 Samuel 8:4-20 “…they (the Israelites) said to him, “Behold, you (Samuel) have grown old, and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint a king for us to judge us like all the nations. But the thing was displeasing in the sight of Samuel when they said, “Give us a king to judge us.’ … The LORD said to Samuel, “Listen to the voice of the people in regard to all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them…The people refused to listen to the voice of Samuel, and they said, “No, but there shall be a king over us, that we also may be like all the nations, that our king may judge us and go our before us and fight our battles.”

The dark period of the judges exuded a signal of hope when God raised Samuel as a prophet, priest, and judge. Samuel, though imperfect, was committed to keeping the ways of His Lord. Though Samuel was appointed as a mediator to the Israelites' true King, they began to plead for an earthly king. They begged for one to rule over them in order that they may “be like all the nations.” They wanted a judge, one to go before them, and someone to fight their battles. Samuel was no longer enough, and as they cast their glances of comparison at their enemy nations, they opted that they too needed a king.

In 1 Samuel 8:11 – 17, Samuel told them of the LORD's words regarding the negative repercussions that would follow from them gaining a king. What would it look like for the Israelites to have a king? Here are some of the things the LORD said: he will reign over you, he will take your sons and they will run before his chariots, he will take your daughters for perfumers and cooks and bakers, he will take the best of your fields, he will take a tenth of your seed, he will also take your male and female servants and use them for his work, he will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his servants.

“Then you will cry out in that day because of your king whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the LORD will not answer you in that day.” (1 Samuel 8:18)

In His permissive will, God allowed the Israelites to obtain that for which they wished. Samuel appointed a man named Saul as the earthly king over the Israelites. Saul failed to obey the commands of the Lord, missing the mark towards the victorious king for which the Israelites had hoped. Nonetheless, a system of earthly kings ruling over the people of Israel had been established. All the kings to follow would be unsuccessful in meeting the Israelites' hopeful expectations.

Even in the midst of the Israelites' plea, which was actually a rejection of Yahweh, God's glory is not reduced. He does not fight for His rightful lordship over His chosen ones, but sets the stage for the completion of the Gospel by using the lineage of the kingship that He permitted. For in the disobedience and failings of Saul and all future kings, the kingdom clock ticked to display one who would disrobe His divine kingly garment. And this One would be the fulfillment of all that the earthly kings lacked. Samuel was a prophet, priest, and judge. Christ is the fulfillment of the prophecies, the Great High Priest, and the Judge. Christ is King. Christ is Lord. Christ is Master. Christ does indeed judge, go before them, and fight their battles. And His glory is made known.

It seems dumbfounding that the Israelites would know ahead of time the harmful consequences (v. 11-17) of their getting the king for which they asked and yet still plead for one! They would lose sons and daughters to the king’s service, he would reign over them, and even they themselves would become his servants. Yet they continued to ask, thereby rejecting the LORD.

And yet, don’t we do the same sisters? Do we not knowingly sometimes reject the LORD as Lord over our lives, searching and pleading for another ‘king’ to rule over us? We want to be like “all the others” even though the God of the Universe has called you unto Himself, chosen you for Himself, and declared that He would be YOUR King (Ezekiel 37:27). He would be YOUR Deliverer (Romans 11:26). He WOULD lead you in triumphal procession (2 Cor. 2:14). He WOULD love you with an everlasting satisfying love.

Sisters, when we forsake the Kingship of the Lord over our lives, we are allowing another to rule over us. It is not that there is a void on the throne of our hearts. Someone or something takes reign. Sometimes it is a relationship, sometimes it is a materialistic goal, sometimes it is the hope of a future job, move, or image. Sometimes it is even ourselves. Sadly, it often takes us too long to see the sin that results. In our rejecting His Kingship, we will set ourselves up for loosing our 'sons and daughters and the ‘best’ of our income and goods' to the false king. In allowing an idol to reign, we have become its servants. The thing we think we are in control of, or have by the reigns, likely has us in its grips if it is anything less than the complete freeing rule of Jesus Christ.

Sister, I love you too much to share only the ‘feel-good’ truth of His Word with you. If you feel that the reign of your Lord is constricting over your life, then tell Him. I assure you He can handle it. But if you could dare put any weight in these words of a sinner saved by grace, then I need you to know that His laws of perfect liberty really do set you free. His Kingship is of a perfect Kingdom that endures, that wins, and that goes before all things. For in Him, all things hold together. He is all that you could ever ask or imagine.

You are not supposed to be “like all the others.” You are called to be set apart (1 Peter 2:9). Choose Christ for yourselves dear one. “For the LORD will not abandon His people on account of His great name, because the LORD has been pleased to make you a people for Himself.” (1 Samuel 12:22). I beg you not to miss the beauty and freedom of Christ as King over your life in exchange for another earthly king. He is pleased to make you His own. I believe wholeheartedly that He is pleased when you make Him your own. Beloved, go for it.

PS - If you want to know what's been going on in my life lately, and ensure that I haven't fallen into permanent osmosis with my Greek textbook, go here :) I love you all!

Greek by osmosis...or so I wish sometimes

2007-11-03T13:58:00.000-05:00

My sweet sisters, misters, and favored lurkers

(Longest preface I think I’ve ever written: The first thing I want you to know is how much I ache in not being able to keep up with your lives, blogs, and hearts better than I have. The Lord has recently convicted me in my own lack of posting (because it is such a thing between He and I), so I am doing my best to honor His ways for me. I want you to know that if I ever get a spare second, I’ll do my best to stop by your blog. You are so important to me, and I really want to show that better than I have been able to. For now though, the best way I can let you know how important you are to me though is to honor Him through these posts!)

Okay, so forgive me for how lame I am about to be, but I’m going to have to use list-format to update y’all. (PS – Did y’all know that they allow the use of ‘y’all’ in Greek, and consider it to even be proper! I just knew I should not have been ashamed of my southern language! Lol).

I 1) I'm LOVING my classes. Did you get that? LOVING. My favorites right now are Greek and an introductory New Testament course. As for Greek, it is just the Lord’s grace that I enjoy it, because for as much time as I have to spend in it, I’d probably have to drop out of school if I didn’t like it! J The author of my textbook is William D. Mounce. I have often told Nate that he should know that I am seeing someone else other than him…because Dr. Mounce and I have regular dates! As for the New Testament class, I don’t even have words to describe to you how incredible this class is. I am either so overwhelmed that I can’t even make myself take notes, or I am so digging everything He’s saying that my hand hurts from trying to get it all down. Y’all should know that as emotionally wired as I may be, I’m not one to just cry all the time. But I end up in tears every stinking time I attend this class (Praise the Lord it’s only once a week). The Lord just so overwhelms me in it, I leave speechless and in awe of who He is.

2) 2) I started a nanny position with my roomie about 3 weeks ago. She watches the little boy who is almost two years old. And I keep the little girl who is about 9 weeks old now. We have lots of fun, and they are just a hoot, who continually keep us on our toes. Not to mention they’re about the cutest things ever.

3) I have never encountered the season of fall until now. I wish you ladies could have seen the display of His splendor in the gorgeous leaves up here. Breathtaking… The sun coming in my window wakes me up in the mornings, and there is this beautiful tree right outside with bright red and deep orange leaves. I’d stare out at it, squinting my eyes with the strong reflection of the sun’s rays bouncing off of the bright colors, feel that Jesus must love me an awful lot, and plop back down into my pillow (where I usually would then be running late for class).

4) Should we insert panic now? Because I kind of feel like I should. Can someone please explain to me how it is already the beginning of November!? I’m going to need someone to tell me how I am about 6 weeks away from completing my first semester here. And while you’re at it, if you’d like to help me do any of my work, that’d be just fine too!

5) And I’ll close with telling you spiritual mamas out there that Nate and I are doing really well. It’s not always easy being so far apart, but we’re just really trusting the waysM and timing of the Lord to keep us walking abundantly despite being away from one another. Sometimes he’s more pitiful. Sometimes I am. But we trust Him. And yes, he’s treating me as wonderfully as ever. He’s leading me, protecting me, and sending me flowers to come home to when I’ve been gone (and we know that’s always a good thing. Wink wink!).

I could go on and on, so I’ll stop and just show you some pictures of my life up here the past month or so! I love you dearly girlfriend.

Mandy and I

Stephanie (a friend from back home in GA), me, and Mandy in New Hampshire

Me, Natalie, and Teal (my roomie) at a 'Vine & Cheese' Party that our dorm hosted!

PS - Did y'all know I am about to have a fit over the wacky lay-out of this respective post. I don't know why it's got the funk. But I give up. Please pardon the awkward spacing for those of you who are Type A's out there!

From Nate to you siestas, miestas, and all of the in betweens

2007-10-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

My dearest blog moms, sis' and select men of extreme bravery! Please forgive me for taking so long to post. I have to admit that this is one of the more intimidating things that I've been honored to do knowing that I am quite literally blogging to ' a cloud of witnesses' that would most likely have no problem taking me to the woodshed if need be! I am profoundly grateful for you all!

It seems that often the things that most alter the course of our lives happen without warning! Looking back on these last few months, I'm certain that somewhere there was some kind of epic drum role or mighty blast of music that had something very particular to do with the collision of my life with hers. I don't know, perhaps it did happen right there in that arena in Boon, North Carolina and I was just too distracted to notice! To this day, there seems to be a little confusion as to how I ended up with Shelly E's number, but I do remember trying desperately to think up something very business like and official sounding so that I wouldn't have to explain further my desperate desire to get this beautiful girl's number. Well, at any rate by the grace of God my business partner and I ended up having lunch with Shelly and Abby. I remember being ecstatic at the fact that this little tiny southern bell wasn't even a little bit afraid of diving into some fried green tomatoes (Thank you Jesus!) I think we even ordered a second round! Through out the course of our conversation I remember trying very hard to figure out if this girl was actually for real! My life is inundated with people who are, in one way or another, involved in ministry and who have the church culture and spiritual lingo down to a science! This woman was clearly special!

Well, I have to confess that I had no problem finding repeated and very excellent excuses to 'do business' in Atlanta over the next couple of months!I found that the most thrilling thing about this woman is that she truly is in love with Jesus! I think that as a man one of the most terrifying things to face is that of the prospect of a failure of any kind really! As much as I would love to always be Shelly's hero, I have no illusion as to the permanence of my many frailties. I'm so thankful for a woman who allows herself to be adored by me while consistently running first to her Heavenly Father for the validation and fulfillment that only He can provide! Knowing this, I am so free to seek the Lord first as well! I have so much to learn about leading and in some areas haven't the faintest idea what on earth I'm supposed to do, but the deepest desire of my heart is to keep us both free to be everything that our Lord always intended us to be. I take such comfort in Psalms 118:13 - I was pushed hard , so that I was falling, but the Lord helped me! James 1:4 is such a challenge to me! 'And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.' My precious friends, what a joy it is to know that our Lord is so much less concerned with our own ability to grow our faith than He is in our simply choosing to reside in the certainty of the giant portion of His never ending faithfulness to us!

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that in spite of, in the midst of, all of my many failures and much frailty my Lord somehow has seen fit to show me His unreserved love in the most extraordinary of ways! Knowing this my deepest desire is to protect this woman and serve her in every way I know how.

I can't thank all of you enough for the love and support that you show Shelly! Thank you so much for your faithfulness to her!

nate

In the midst of it all...

2007-10-03T15:15:00.001-05:00

Dear siestas and miestas,

(If you don't know what that means, I'll have to get back to you on another day). For some time now, I have had a hunger to sit down in this blog world with you and share a word I received out of 1 Samuel. I'm itching to get the beatings of my heart to translate themselves to the rhythmic pounding noise of the keys on my laptop. But as you can see, I have yet to do so. You have all been so gracious and patient with me in my lack of typing anything serious in blog world as I have adjusted to Boston, seminary, and relationships.

I think sometime soon in these next few days, I may actually type something about my Beloved Jesus again :) But you see, I am receiving that for which my heart yearned here in seminary: some good holy beatings, some major humbling, and the grateful awareness of the poverty of my spirit. I have said it in the initial days of my blog, and for those who are newcomers, I'll say it again: I want to handle the Word with accuracy and Truth. I have a BIG God who I adore more than anything on this earth, and a BIG God who is so holy and powerful that His Word causes us to tremble. So, out of both love and a holy fear, I do not want to speak of something which I know nothing about, or have not already been taught and brought through by my Greatest Teacher. Otherwise, I receive a holy beating straight from Him :)

If I were to walk in my flesh and all of its insecurities, I am sure that I would probably never open my mouth again to share with you the things His Words speaks to me (Our insecurities can be so self-absorbing and prideful can't they girlfriends?) But dependent upon His resurrection power, I assure you I will not keep me mouth closed upon the things which He has asked me to declare from one generation to the next...to speak of His praises, to declare who He is, to boast in Him.

By His sweet grace alone, I have fallen more in love with my Jesus. Somewhere in the midst of parsing new Greek words, somewhere in the midst of pronouncing Greek with a southern accent, somewhere in the midst of taking so many notes in a New Testament class that my hand hurts, somewhere in the midst of going to Starbucks at 6:30 am on MWF to study Greek with my roomie, and somewhere in the midst of many of my paradigms being shattered by more defined interpretation and application teachings, He has captured me - again. His life-giving Word catapults my heart upon the spiritual floor of always-necessary- humility. The more I seek to know Him, the more I realize how much I do not know. Apart from a few other thoughts, I am not sure that I could ask for anything better while here at seminary. For it has been an absolute joy to see that somewhere in the midst of this new craziness, He Himself is in my midst. Again, and again, I ask Him to balance the passions of our hearts with the passions of our minds for Him. So my God has quite the job on His hands with me: I'm an undeniable nerd, and a passionate extremist! :)

The One who is ever More, invites us to know Him. The One who is unsearchable, invites us to discover Him. And to the One who alone can satisfy, I beg that He may grant us a holy dissatisfaction with our current state, only to be given the passion to know and love Him more. He is all that your hearts could long for sweet friends. I am so jealous for you to have more of Him. Not because you do not have Him now, but because He is so much more.

On a lighter note, I invite you to a few recent quotes that have occurred in my life lately here as a seminarian:
1) My roomie (Teal) about 6 am one morning getting ready for our last minute cramming session for Greek before a big quiz: "Uhm...Girl...Do you think they'll drop the lowest quiz grade? (Pause) Or is that just the undergraduate in me?!" (Me = bent over laughing...)
2) Our Greek teaching assistant to one of my hysterical girlfriends in class: "What do you suggest we do with these multiple prepositional phrases here in the translation of this sentence?" (My friend's response) "Girl! I say just get rid of those things!" (My thoughts exactly...that would be less to translate for my confused mind!).
3) Same friend mentioned in #2 in reference to her viewpoint upon the women's role in leading, teaching, etc. We had just had a very intense, unbiased, and wonderful discussion about this in class. (Note: if you're not feeling a bit humorous today, maybe skip this one. OR if you think I'm going to present my stance - theologically - here - there's no need to look for that either).
I'll paraphrase: "Giiirrrrrrll. I mean, I do not have a problem with my soon-to-be husband taking the lead and responsibility to be the pastor of a church. I'm okay not being an ordained pastor. 'Cuz you know girl ... Eve, she went and got all messed up in the Garden. I know myself, and as soon as somebody come bringing me some fake Prada, I'll be all deceived thinking its real, and bring everybody else with me." (Have you ever heard the mention of Prada in the same sentence of defining the role of a woman in the church?! lol)

I love you each and miss you dearly. Nate has a post coming soon, so stay tuned (And for clarification: He's still not allowed on my blog - it is too much of my heart. But I have agreed to let him post a blog back to all of you sweet and hysterical spiritual sisters and mama's that posted on the last one. He will email it to me, and I will post it.)
Hugs ... and so much more

Ladies and Siestas: May I Present to You Nate Griffin...

2007-09-21T14:58:00.000-05:00

Shelly has given me (Mandy) the privilege and honor, as BFF extraordinaire, to write this most embarrassing post introducing her mysterious “friend” to y’all. And, this is an honor indeed!

WHAT IS HE LIKE?
He is tall.
He is dark.
He is handsome.
And (be not afraid!) he does not read this blog!

He’s a missionary’s kid – grew up on “the bush” of Papua, New Guinea (seen End of the Spear?)… He’s traveled all over the world and has landed in Nashville working in “the industry” with a heart for THE Church worldwide.

He also has a heart for Shelly (but that’s not so surprising, now is it?)! He’s charming. And he very much wants to lead this relationship in a godly and healthy way.

WHAT DOES HE DO?

He’s co-owner of a rather unconventional, but highly successful, business in “the industry”. “G.I. Inc.” is a production company that produces live multimedia events ranging from concerts to conferences to films (that’s “the industry”). At the heart of this company is a desire to influence the resounding voices of our culture and the world at large. He’s incredibly talented and passionate, and jumps at the opportunity to serve the Church with the revenue and resources of his company. Interspersed among business trips are mission trips, secret meetings with persecuted pastors of East Asian house churches, and trips to see Shelly.

Nate loves the Word of God, and gushes at the fact that Shelly is in Seminary. (this is important, since she’s headstrong about finishing!) And, as an eye-witness, I can attest to the fact that he is SMITTEN. As he stated, when he’s around her he feels like a 5^th grader who can’t find the right words to impress her. “She’s just amazing… amazing.”

[everyone say it with me: “awwwww… Bless his heart.”]

HOW’D THEY MEET?

Oh, y’all…. Oh, THIS is a story y’all are gonna die over!

They met in the Spring at a Beth Moore Conference. He’s on the production team for Beth’s events! (Many of you have already found him and introduced yourselves to him at the LPL events! Which - by the way - he’s amazed every time because y’all tell him you’re one of Shelly’s blog sisters…and that you’re blessed by this blog that he’s NOT allowed to read! LOL!)

Anyway, at a conference shortly after that, Shelly saw him and re-introduced herself to him… BUT, as Nate put it, he’d already seen this beautiful girl and wondered how-in-the-world he could find some way to strike up a conversation with her. Next thing he knows, she’s walking up to him saying “I know you.” From there, he devised a way to have her and her friend (Abby) eat lunch after the event. Then, he just needed to find a way to get her phone number… And after that, he found LOTS of excuses to do business in Atlanta over the next few months. Yes, he chased her hard – even driving 8 hours out of his way to be in St. Simons with her one weekend in early summer.

From there the relationship has consisted of a LOT of phone calls, emails, pictures, and laughs.

And a trip to Boston to see her:

At the harbor where the Boston Tea Party occurred

Christ Church in the city of Boston where Paul Revere signaled for the hanging of two lanterns (which was to inform that the British were arriving by land and not by sea).

Paul Revere's grave

Nate and Shelly

Paul Revere's house - built in 1680

The 'Old State House' - the oldest in the city, built to house the government offices of the MA Bay Colony

Ship in the Charlestown Navyard with the USS Constitution

USS Constitution

Nate and Shelly eating lunch in some extremely historical place that she has now forgotten the name of ... oopsies!

B/c she felt it only right to share the fact that he has to take pictures of her, with you...

It made them laugh!

A Ben Franklin statue is actually above their heads, but the man taking the photograph kind of missed that part! lol

In Manchester Bay...a beautiful bay town

Manchester Bay

WHAT DOES THE BFF THINK ABOUT ALL THIS?

I like him.

*Disclaimer: My dearest siestas, You should know that my face is terribly red upon reading this myself! So I had to include some pictures of our time in the city of Boston that weren't just Nate and I, but some of the things we really did enjoy. :) In case you could care less about the relationship of a 24 year old, you could always enjoy the tourist shout-out I'm giving to my new 'home.' :)

I'm fah'len for Bah'ston

2007-09-18T17:51:00.001-05:00

My dearest (missed) siestas,

I'm so sorry I haven't had a chance to catch up with all of you this past week. We had our first full week of classes last week. And now I have a friend visiting until Thursday. So, if I'm not being a major Greek nerd, I'm being a major Bah-ston tourist. And I have good news: Jesus is giving me a love for this strange new city! In contrast, I have had my head so crammed with Greek this week, that it is beginning to hurt a bit. I had a heated discussion with the language recently, but we're reconciled now. So don't worry :) I have to tell y'all something though, and if it makes you feel like you need to pray for me, I'll understand. My bff (Mandy) and her hubbie were dying laughing at me because ... well ... I have Greek flashcards on my keyring. I'm for real y'all. And yes - I use them. But y'all, it lets me love Him more...I have to!

Anyway, I've got to get back to things. I'll leave with you just a few pictures, but I promise to give you a lot more on my next post. (I'm just a visual person that loves photos, don't you?). I can't wait to give you all a big blog hug in catching up with your lives this weekend.

In Starbucks studying today. And yes, those are my keys on the ledge behind me with the flash cards attached.

Being tourist in front of the Paul Revere statue. It was really cool.

See all of those signs pointing in the respective position for its street? Seriously, could you even begin to know which direction to go? My mind feels a bit like this still when I drive around here in this city :)

Love you girlfriends!

A Seminarian's plea

2007-09-09T19:42:00.000-05:00

My dear sweet Jesus,

I love you so much. I love who you are to me: my Father, my Portion, my King, the One who sustains me by His very Word. You are Life to me Lord. Thank you for being my Friend - for I fear that my southern accent has nearly scared everyone up here in New England away. Lord you know that I am not really an extrovert. So why is it that whenever I see someone that I haven't met yet, I have this compelling need to introduce myself with way too much passion. It really must be a bit overwhelming for them to try to interpret "Hey yaaaa'lllll. My name is Shelly! I'm from Geeaaoorgiaa!" Please help me not to hug the new girls that I meet (as we southerners do) and at least give them a little time to decide if they can stand me or not.

Lord how I thank you for the opportunity to learn. I am begging you Jesus to balance the passion of my heart for you with the passion of my mind. I ask never to trade knowing who You are for merely learning about You. Let no textbook, no discussion, and no professor minimize You as the Glorious One; may they only be vessels for which I fall more in love with You. May the academic equipping You have provided me with serve only as means to love and know You more. Anything else must be an overflow of You being my First Love.

I went to Greek class on Friday Lord. I know you saw me. I was very nervous. Downright petrified to be honest. I tried to dress cute to redeem my emotions, but it didn't help much. I've had my first chance to study since then Lord. Can I confess something to you? I loved it so much that I studied until midnight one night! Really Lord...You're going to have to help me not be such a nerd. So I don't know what to do. Today is my Sabbath, so I won't allow myself to study. But my heart is really breaking a bit to not be able to pick up some Greek flashcards. I saw this other student with some today and I kind of wanted to snatch them away from him so I could look at them. I'm guessing that when passion leads to stealing it's probably not a good idea huh? Please love me despite my nerdiness...I trust that You do.

And please help some of the young men here know that as much as I love Greek, the following doesn't exactly serve as the best pick-up line for me: "Hey, I can help you with your Greek anytime you may need it. Just let me know." The Jesus dork in my heart resonates with such, but I would prefer some chivalry instead...really... :)

It's cold here Lord. I wore a sweatshirt and jeans today, but it is only the beginning of September. Please let the cafeteria serve more cookies and cake...I'm going to need it to survive the winter time.

And Lord, I know that just here lately my heart has been so overwhelmed. Thank you for the privilege of constantly being aware of my depravity. It so keeps me in love with who You are and the promises over my life. I thank You that regardless of whether or not my circumstances change, You remain. I am surrounded by new friends, a new climate, and new academics. The young man didn't understand me when I told him I wanted the 'fried chicken' option at lunch. And then I had to hold back the tears a bit that their fried chicken wasn't exactly like GA fried chicken. (Bless them!). Some young man was also saying the word "ruf" the other day...it took me a while to figure out that he was referring to the "roof." (Bless them!). I still say 'yes mam' and 'no sir.' If that is not okay with them, bless them. And for all the changing/molding that You are doing even now in my heart and mind, bless me!

You are the One whom my soul loves...

One of my girlfriends, Shaney, and I. She went to UGA, but I don't hold it against her :)

My roomie (Teal) and I being dorks under a big bell on another college campus :) Y'all, she is the coolest and I love her.

For the joy set before you

2007-09-02T15:51:00.000-05:00

"Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?" 1 Samuel 2:29

Hophni and Phinehas, sons of the priest Eli, were wicked men with no regard for the LORD (vs. 12). Whenever a man of Israel came to offer a sacrifice unto the LORD, the two sons demanded the choicest part of the offering for themselves, and threatened to take it by force if it was not given to them. Rather than let the fat of the sacrifice be offered first, as commanded (Leviticus), they required it for themselves. "This sin of the young men was very great in the LORD's sight, for they were treating the LORD's offering with contempt." (vs. 17). Additionally, the two brothers were sleeping with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting (vs. 22).

The father Eli provided only a verbal rebuke to his two sons (vs. 23-35) and disregarded the laws in Leviticus that prescribed the consequences for such rebellious sons. The LORD asked Eli why he scorned the sacrifice and offering that He had prescribed for His dwelling. "Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering...?"

If I were a parent, I'd probably start pointing my finger at the parental faults of Eli here. However, I am not. And I've told you ladies that I could not and would not speak upon something of which the LORD had not already brought me through, or taught me. So, I'll let you contend with that one for me :)

My heart has been attached to this part of the verse: "choice parts of every offering." The two sons demanded the first part of the offering, the best portion, for themselves. And I ached. I ached for the occasions in which I have demanded, and sometimes even kept by force, the choice part of my offering from the LORD. (Is it really even an offering unto Him at that point? Surely not). I ached for the moments when I deceived myself into thinking that the 'choice' part of the offering God had called forth from my life actually belonged to me. What ownership do I have over anything? None.

The KJV rendering actually poses the question in this form: "Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering..." To 'kick' here means 'to trample down.'

Have I not at some point participated in the same kicking session that Hophni and Phinehas have? Have I not trampled upon the altar of God with my demands to keep what I believed belonged to me?

Have we not clung tightly to the 'best' portion of our offering, pridefully convincing ourselves that what we did offer to Him was enough? Have we not allowed the sin of unbelief to inhibit us from offering our all to Him, believing that if we did, it wouldn't be for our own good?

Even more, as the sons slept with the women outside of the Tent of Meeting, have I not spiritually prostituted myself to another god en route to my sacrifice? The god of self undoubtedly was an idol that kept me from offering my choicest parts. I have done as the father Eli: honoring myself above Him, "fattening myself with the choice parts of the offering".

I am not here to bring a spirit of condemnation against you ladies. I am only claiming that I have worn a Hophni, Phinehas, and Eli name tag during moments of my life, and it has cost me far more than what the 'cost' of the offering would have. And I don't want that for you.

Because you see, when you get the privilege of gaining more of Christ Jesus, the 'cost' of offering the choice part of the sacrifice is really no cost at all. When the Lord asks you to sacrifice something unto Him, He wholly consumes it. (Leviticus 9:24). He knows what your heart has had to lay upon that altar. But do you know the One who consumes it? Do you grasp that anything He has asked you to lay down has been for a greater gain for His glory and your life? Can you comprehend that one of the greatest blessings in the offering is the possibility of 'simply' getting to know and love Him more?

"Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling," the LORD asked Eli. And yet ultimately, the sacrifice and offering of the very indwelling form of God, made man, had to be scorned, kicked, and crucified. Our LORD did not keep for Himself the choice part of the offering - He gave it all: His Firstborn, the One and Only, His Son. "For the joy set before him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2)." He knew that a greater joy awaited His obedience to His Father's will. It is the same for you siestas. He Himself is the exceedingly great Reward (Genesis 15:1). Where there is a sacrifice of death to something in your life, there is always resurrection power on the other side.

May we cease kicking at the altar of our hearts with our self-exalting 'sacrifices.' May we identify the lie that if we gave Him the 'choice' part of the offering, we would be left with less. He Himself is the joy set before you. Sweet sister, He is a for you God that is willing to give you all of Himself in place of that which was offered. Grab hold of the nail-scarred hand of your Father. What more could we ask for?

Hi, my name is blondie

2007-08-28T17:32:00.000-05:00

Siestas, ladies, gentlemen, and fellow-lurkers,

Let me invite you into my mental state and life right now. In case you haven't figured this out by now, I'm a nerd at heart. Which means, bless me, I tend to not be the sharpest box in the crayon when it comes to common sense. I love biochemistry, but couldn't tell you how to convert a basic measurement if my life depended on it. It's pitiful...really pitiful. So, this is my first Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary 'I am a first year student' embarrassing moment. You know the kind where you dream you've fallen down the classroom stairs or walked into the wrong room on the 1st day? Well, classes haven't even started, and 'blondie' here has managed to start the season of embarrassing first year moments.

It went something like this:

On my first day here, I received this to be able to access my dormitory room:

Yes. That's right. The 2 keys, the plastic item that says 'To Mailroom: Return to Campus Police," and the key ring which they were both on.

I have spent much of my time the last day and a half getting lost while trying to find this room or that room that I needed to sign this form or that form in. I have dropped off paperwork, picked up paperwork, and gone to and fro through the office buildings of this campus. So, on my 'to-do' list today was to kindly return this little plastic item on my key ring as it had so kindly suggested. I was a little confused if I was to take it to the Mailroom or our Campus Police seeing as that is where it seemed it would eventually be returned to. Soooo, I decided to be the nice girl that I am and save the sweet Mailroom employees the hassle of having to send it to the Campus Police (that just didn't make much sense to me anyway).

Off I go to return this plastic item to the Campus Security Office. Bummer...their office is closed. Oh well, I can just go back to the Mailroom and turn it in to the two sweet young men down there.

I return back to the Mailroom where I've already made my 1st year self obvious seeing as I had to ask them where the outgoing mail drop box was. And here is where it got worse (in case you haven't gotten it at this point).

Me: (in my nicest Southern charm demeanor because it's about all I have left at this point): Uhmm....Excuse me sir, I think I'm supposed to turn this into you. I...uh...guess y'all need them because it says "To Mailroom" on them here (points to the plastic item).

This is how I have walked up to this Mailroom Man. With this in my hand...

Young Mailroom man: (takes the plastic item from my hand and starts rotating it in his hands a bit)....(stares back at me a little confused).
Me: (not sure why he looks so bewieldered....hmm....)
Me:Oh! Sir, I'm so sorry. Mmm...You probably want the key-ring that the plastic item was on too don't you?! (begins to work on removing the key ring from the other set of key rings I have). I'm so sorry.
Young Mailroom man: (now just staring back at me trying to understand). What????
Me: (he's clearly confused) You see sir, I received this (holds up the key ring paired with the 2 keys and plastic item) the 1st day that I got here so I could move into my dorm! But I've moved in now almost and figured I should return to you the plastic item as it says 'To Mailroom' on it and it makes sense for you to have the key ring too! Give me just a second to finish getting it off my other ring, it's no problem!
Young Mailroom man's buddy who's been listening walks up by this point because clearly I'm creating a scene...
Young Mailroom man: (in his most nice voice) "Uhm...well...You see...I think that - uh - you actually keep that on your key ring - in case - you ever loose your keys. Because then they'll just - be returned - 'To the Mailroom' - and the Campus Security can uh - get them back to you."
Me: (then immediately realizing the purpose of the plastic item on my keyring and feeling the heat of embarrassment come to my face). Ohh... (barely making eye contact now) Riiiight. M'kay. Yes. That would make sense. Well, clearly I have just experienced my first year new student embarrassing moment for the week, so please be sure to tell your buddies because I am sure it would really be worth laughing over. (turns and quickly leaves the room).

All the southern charm in the world couldn't redeem this 'blonde' moment. I went and told my bff Mandy immediately after it happened. After we had nearly fallen on the floor from laughing, she said "Shelly! That is the stupidiest thing I have ever heard!" LOL...I think I have to agree.

So now you know why I have yet to post anything about my word from the Lord here lately. I would be the biggest stumbling block to His voice in this current mental state that I'm in, I am sure that I would be citing the NT when I would need to be citing the OT and I would leave everyone in a tizzy! Here's to seeking Him first straight through His living and active Word; Here's to the incredible mind-blowing privilege of sitting before Him and waiting for Him to speak without reading about Him through another's words. Go to Him siestas - He is sitting right in front of you :)

I'll get back with you soon. When I can remember to use an umbrella during the rain outside :)

Dorm rooms, finished travels, and LPL

2007-08-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

My siesta prayer warriors,

This will hopefully be the last of my blog posts about my transitioning to South Hamilton, MA, but I thought it only fitting to close with a few more pictures. I cannot believe that the Lord would allow me the blessing of having you on my 22+ hour journey drive here through your divine prayers. I am forever marked by your gracious hearts towards me.

I have found internet access, so will return to you in the next few days with some Jesus :) But for now, I wanted to let those of you who had asked, know how I was doing.

1) I was an absolute vegetable all day yesterday. I needed it in a desperate way though. If I sat still for more than 5 minutes without anyone talking to me, I was going to be on my way to a la-la nap land in no time.
3) It's 75 degrees here today and I feel like I need on jeans and a fleece. Seriously...I've been used to weather above the 100's lately, so this feels cold! Bless me! If anyone has any winter items/shoes/clothing that they care to get rid of, I will gladly take them off your hands. I'm going to have to redo this GA wardrobe I've got.
4) The walls of my dormitory room are so naked it makes me want to cry. I haven't had a chance to unpack yet, and even when I do, I'm not going to find any wall decorations unless Jesus threw some in my bags when I wasn't looking!
5) I keep looking up when people walk by me. And then I remember that I'm not going to recognize any of them, so I emotionally rock between getting the giggles at myself, or getting sad.
6) One of the girls left me a note saying that she had "moved my pop" to another refrigerator. I just stared at it for about 30 seconds trying to figure out what in the world "pop" was. Ooohhhh yea. (Sigh...doesn't she know that everything is called 'Coke.')
7) I met the president's wife of the school my first morning here, which was the sweetest and coolest thing ever. Except for that whole factor of my not having showered yet, still in my pj's, groggy demeanor, stumbling down the stairs, and trying to remember what state I was in at the moment (I'd been through 10 different states in the past 48 hours - it was only fair.) Yea...it was a 'cool' moment for sure. lol

I end with these:

This was one of the three moments of my drive where I sat in traffic for a very long time. I thought this was hysterical. Clearly, you can see that we weren't moving very fast since the sign wasn't even picking up our speed. I think I was hitting 5 mph every once in a while on this one. I applaud their sign efforts for trying.

I got to meet a fellow blogging sister at the RI LPL conference - Darla! How much fun is that!? She and her 15 year old daughter have been two of the many prayer siestas for me, and it was nice to at least be able to hug one of them in person and say 'thank you.'

Sarah, Mandy, and me at the RI LPL

Y'all. This little fellow (praying mantus) was on top of my car when I was leaving Hartford, CT for my last 3.5 hours of driving. I just stared at him, and stood in humbled shock over my sweet Jesus. I knew He was being my Rear Guard. And I know I had the covering of all of your prayers on this new upcoming season. I do not doubt that He was trying to make me smile and give Him His due praise that last morning. So of course I clapped for Him. I 'ooh'ed' and 'awe'd' over my dear Jesus, and felt the lump in my throat over thinking about His visual reminder of the sacrifice of your prayers for me. Know that He loves you dearly - He wanted to give you a praying mantus to say thank you :)

22 hours later

2007-08-26T16:38:00.001-05:00

I'm here in South Hamilton, MA...finally.

I'm tired.

I'm not fully mentally alert.

My heart is full.

Everything is terribly unfamiliar.

I had to hold back tears at my 1st meal in MA because I realized I could no longer order sweet tea.

And I am already very aware that I am going to get to know my Jesus in ways never before imagined...

Love you siestas...I'll post more soon.

Bah-ston

2007-08-21T21:22:00.000-05:00

Edited with Day I AND DAY II below:

Sweet siestas,
Why the Lord would bless me with the spiritual sisters that you have become to me leaves me humbled on the floor. It is the least I could do to give you a brief update before I leave tomorrow!

The life of Shelly Bland lately:

1) If I have to tell one more individual 'goodbye,' I honestly don't know that I am going to make it. The words would probably refuse to leave my mouth. I don't like goodbye's. My El Olam has set eternity in my heart, and it's just stinking hard. So, if you need to tell me 'goodbye' anytime soon, I probably will run in the other direction and start making weird noises of denial!
2) I am leaving tomorrow morning sometime (aka - as soon as I can manage to get myself out of bed, load up the car, and get to the nearest Starbucks.)
3) I sat outside with my doggies tonight. My feet touched the newly cut grass, I was staring up at the stars, and I had on shorts and a t-shirt. I then got this disturbing ache in my heart when I realized I would not be able to do this when I got to Boston. Well, actually, I think I got a little mad too. I am already going to be having to put on long sleeve shirts and toss my flip-flops aside when I get there. People, I think 60 degrees is cold. No joke. It is going to be just as much of a miracle for me to survive the cold as it has been for my Jehovah-Jireh to financially get me there. Lord bless me!
4) I am actually driving to Providence, RI before I get to Boston, MA (they're not very far from one another). Mandy and one of her seminary buddies are meeting me in Providence for a LPL event. Being with some siestas, praising Jesus, and being in the Word - seriously - what better way to start off my semester?
5) I have had so many people lovingly tell me to 'be safe,' 'drive safe,' etc. that I am just about moved to tears over it. Either that, or I'm a bad driver and they are concerned for any human being that will be on the I-95 path from Georgia to Massachusetts in these following days :)
6) I have done the essentials before I left home: got my nails done (thanks to gift certificates), eaten at every possible restaurant I could fit into these 5 days (thanks Mom),and gone to the beach. This tan has to last me for uh...err...3 years, so I decided I should probably go :)
7) I have more laundry to do, things to pack, and it's almost 11 pm. Shh! Don't tell my Mom. She's got enough Mama anxiety knowing that her baby girl is going to be driving to Boston by herself in these next few days and she would probably have a Mama fit if she knew I were still up. So, because I love myself and I don't want to be drooling on my steering wheel tomorrow, I'm signing off. My heart is full. My mind is full. And I am so looking forward to my first hotel night. I am hoping it will have internet and I can talk more about Jesus with you sweet women instead of my traveling agendas! lol

Always a Georgia Peach

DAY I

This was my first state line I crossed. I thought I could keep myself entertained by taking photos of the rest of them. However, when I crossed the North Carolina one, the sandwich I was stuffing in my mouth inhibited me from grabbing the camera at my 70 mph speed and snapping it. So this is all I have! The rest of the state lines that I crossed, I did so on back roads, so I missed out on the fun signs :(

I really wanted to be this guy's new bff, but we had to part ways. I'm sure that we could've been good friends though.

Y'all. I pulled over at some random exit in SC, and saw THIS roller coaster at a park. I just nearly died. In case you didn't know this, I LOVE roller coasters. It was all I could do to make myself get back in the car. I really considered that 3 hours at the park would be just fine. But then I remembered the 17+ hours I had left to drive. So I pouted just a little bit and got back in the car like a big girl.

I spent many hours driving along the Blue Ridge Mountain path and I have been completely breathless at the beauty of His majesty displayed in creation. Clearly, my picture through my window at 70 mph doesn't do justice...but girls! If you could've just seen the way His sun beams danced and cascaded over the pines on the mountains. He stole my breathe away...again.
Too many hours in the car could, theoretically speaking, also cause one to:
1) Use bath foam mistakenly as lip balm and wonder what the intense lip-plumping (err...burning) sensation must be.
2) Talk to, and then began answering, oneself.
3) Make one think they sing just as well Darlene Zschech or Nichole Nordeman.
4) Cause one to be engaged in a new form of walking known to be similar to that of the Tin Man or your friendly penguin.
5) Beat one's head against the steering wheel at the gigantic size of the state of Virginia.
And PS - I have felt your prayers ladies. Seriously...I have thought about it almost every hour that I've been on the road today. I have been amazed at the thickness of His presence He has allowed me to feel and I know it is because of you. From a humbled and grateful heart, thank you...thank you sweet siestas.

DAY II
1) Well ladies, I've made it to Connecticut tonight and am about 2 hours from where I need to be tomorrow in Rhode Island for the LPL conference.
2) I was speaking with a couple of friends earlier and told them how much I felt your prayers and the thickness of His presence guarding my coming forth and going out.
3) So...THANK YOU! Thank you so very much. I have just smiled back at my Jesus multiple times today telling Him how much I love the adventure. And how humbled I am to get to be blessed by the obedience of your hearts. It leaves me overwhelmed.
4) Y'all. I need to confess something. I stopped in a total of 4 (or was it 5) Cracker Barrel restaurants today. It's not that I'm obsessed, it's just that I know that there are none in Boston and I was really trying to hang on to the thought of lima beans, chicken & dumplins, and corn bread for as long as I could. I knew when I reached one in northern Pennsylvania (near NY)that I needed to take my heavy heart to the Lord because the atmosphere had changed. I wasn't sure if I could order sweet tea, or if they would look at me funny if I said 'mam.' I bought some Buckeye chocolates for fear that I wouldn't get them again for a long time, and returned to my car (aka - looney bin by this point in the drive). I took a deep holy spirit breathe, lifted my head to the heavenlies, and told Jesus I was ready to embrace the northern part of the Mason-Dixie line :)
5) My weary body is telling me to go to bed. So I am :) I'll be at a LPL conference until Saturday, and moving in my dorm after that in Boston.

I love you dearly siestas. Jesus has captured my heart with a love for you and I cannot wait to get connected with you in the spirit again soon. Thank you for your grace over my life in my not being able to post anything about His Word to me lately. Keep seeking Him siestas. He Himself is the Greatest Reward. Hugs

Getting my feet wet

2007-08-16T21:08:00.000-05:00

"The priests will carry the ark of the Lord. He's the Lord of the whole earth. As soon as the priests step into the Jordan, it will stop flowing. The water that's coming down the river will pile up in one place. That's how you will know that the living God is among you. So the people took their tents down. They prepared to go across the Jordan River. The priests who were carrying the ark of the covenant went ahead of them. The water of the Jordan was going over its banks. It always does that at the time the crops are being gathered. The priests came to the river. Their feet touched the water's edge. 16 Right away the water that was coming down the river stopped flowing. It piled up far away at a town called Adam near Zarethan. The water that was flowing down to the Dead Sea was completely cut off. So the people went across the Jordan River opposite Jericho."

Dear precious sisters,

I hate that I can't be as involved in blog-land right now as much as I normally am, but moving is keeping me busy! And when I'm not busy, I need to be with my Jesus! I arrived home (where there's very limited internet access), and have been catching up with friends and family for more 'goodbye's.' My car is packed, bulging at the seams, and I am intending to leave for Boston this upcoming Wednesday.

In the past 48 hours, I have had two dear couples bless me financially (and love me), and received a letter from my Atlanta home-church (Northpoint Community Church) explaining to me that they have accepted my request for seminary assistance to help with my tuition. I sat on my floor, so overwhelmed, that the only emotional expression that decided to express itself was that of tears. I wept like a little girl. Wept - and my two small doggies came to make sure I was okay and help clean up the tears. The thought that the Lord would use others' obedience to bless me has knocked me off my feet and made me fall in love all over again with my Heavenly Father. I do not deserve one iota of His blessing or grace. But I never have. And yet He comes whispering His love to me - again, and again, and again. Girls - He is just too much for me. He is too much. But I love Him for that. I love that He is the unending 'more' for which my soul cries out.

Financially, I am still far from even being able to buy textbooks. (I wonder if they're really necessary anyway? Hehe. I'm kidding!) But I am still feeling the Lord calling me to step foot into my 'Jordan River', and watch Him part it. As New Testament priests (1 Peter 2:9) who carry the very Presence of Christ inside of us (Col. 1:27) , you and I are called to step out in faith to get our feet wet before He'll act sometimes.

So I'm standing on the banks. The heat is a little intense. The crowd behind me with whom I've said goodbye is mixed: some are cheering me on, some are thinking I've probably lost my mind. (Praise the Lord I have...I needed the mind of Christ in a desperate way!). And the waters are roaring a little ahead of me. Oh, but the hope of His glory (Col. 1:27). The privilege I have to lift up one foot, and then another, trusting that He will part the seas. Because then my sweet sister, I get to take another step, and another step until my feet start splashing into a dance of praise for the only One who would have been Able.

I have been moved to tears at each of your prayers, blessings, encouragements, and caring questions over this next step of faith. I hear your loud cheers ringing in the Heavenlies. And I cannot wait for you to get your feet splashing in praise with me in just a few short days. I trust my Jehovah Jireh to provide all that I need. For He is the "living God is among us..."

I had dinner tonight with some friends that I've known since elementary school. I'm thankful that these friendships will never really be a 'goodbye!'

Leaving my Atlanta loves

2007-08-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

Can I get away with telling you about my entire weekend through a series of photos? Because that's the only possible way I can catch you siestas up on this journey! Know that my brief blogging disappearance was a result of this being my last weekend here in Atlanta (aka - need to be party). Since Friday, you could have found me: at a pre-conference Women of Faith day with Beth and squealing over getting to meet some blogger friends, shopping, eating Maggiano's, and 3 different going away dinners, and soaking up as much Chaput family time as I could before leaving. My weekend photo album:

I met these two precious women months prior in Boone, NC. They ended up being seated right behind me! I jumped up and down when I got to hug their necks again. God had so knitted our hearts together...

My Carole and the necessary cup of Starbucks required for all LPL events. Words don't come close to the unspeakable privilege I have had to sit at her feet in the Lord.

Y'all! Jennyhope and I got to meet up and sit next to one another! And, darling Emmy found us too! They were true siestas indeed - hugging and talking like we'd been long lost friends. And if you're looking for notes on Beth's teaching, give Jenny a big shout-out and go here. Did I mention that Beyonce Knowles sat right next to Jenny and I too? Okay, well...not really. But the lyrics "You must not know about me" from her song Irreplaceable started playing as the woman's cell phone ringer in the middle of Beth's teaching, and it was all Jenny and I could do to keep from slap out falling in the floor with the giggles.

And you have to have at least one non-blogging friend with you right? Because otherwise people might think I only have imaginary friends (from the www). Krissy is the real deal :)

Travis, Travis, myself and Nate at lunch, because everyone should have Maggiano's before they leave Atlanta.

Going-away dinner at Casa Grande (because I'm a bit of a chips/salsa addict).

Going away dinner at one of my favorite pizza joints - Fellini's

Top: Birthday party and all the girls. Bottom: the Chaput boys who steal my heart everyday

I will miss you all...

And PS - For those who asked, I'm still awaiting a withdrawal from the spiritual bank regarding seminary. I'll keep you posted! Countdown is about a week and a half! :)

Call me Bitter?

2007-08-07T23:23:00.000-05:00

"She said to them, "Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me." Ruth 1:20

Ruth has just lost her husband and two sons. (See Ruth 1:1-22 for the context of this story). Surely, if anyone has reason to be a little bitter, it would be Ruth. Yet we are commanded to keep a root of bitterness from springing up, causing trouble, and defiling many (Hebrews 12:15, etc.). Note that it defiles many. It is not merely a 'Pity Party for one please!,' but others in our lives are inevitably affected by our sin.

Naomi pleads with the residents of Bethlehem to call her Mara, meaning 'bitter.' Can't you just hear it? 'Just call me Ms. Bitter!' Sounds a little rough doesn't it? And somewhere, covered in the web of insecurities and unmet expectations over our hearts, I believe we may have whispered the same plea for a name-change. Oh sure, we may not have sent all of our friends an email asking for them to please change their address books to match our new name, but the cry of self-pity could be there nonetheless.

Naomi's heart touches a tender area of my own. I've not lost much in comparison to countless others, but I know what it's like to have joined in the suffering. My beloved Dad passed away when I was 20, our material possessions were depleted, and even now, someone I love dearly is facing extended jail charges. And my heart aches. It aches for the loss, while it simultaneously swells with anticipation because I know that I have the opportunity to know my Lord more.

Naomi continues, saying, "I went out full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?" (Sigh ... ). Our finite minds distort our vision. Our limited concepts of the Holy One paralyze us.

Have we not all in some manner, at some point, been a Naomi? We stay fixated on our specific 'loss' so long that we are blind to the 'gain' offered in Christ. We mope, pout, and keep our arms crossed at the foot of the cross in outright anger at the One who has seemingly "brought us back empty" and "afflicted."

Please hear me. There is a season, even a long one sometimes, where you are meant to count your losses. You cannot wholly discover your 'gain' until you face, embrace, and have a girlie mourning fit and hiatus over what is 'not' anymore. There is nothing healthier than crying out to your Father at times.

But, when you refuse to go through the process of counting your loss, He cannot direct your wounded heart to the Truth of Himself. If all we gained in our loss was more of Christ, I promise you sister, He would be enough (Ps. 63:5)

Who do you say that you are? Maybe a more eye opening question is the following: who do you desire others to acknowledge you to be out of self-pity, self-protection, self-importance, self-loathing and more? Can I be brutally honest with some of the name games I think we women play?

Do not call me (insert name), call me afflicted one. (Girls, you need to know that if you sit in the sympathy pit with someone past the God-appointed time, you could be enabling them to stay there and hindering them from 'taking up their mat to walk' again!)
Do not call me (insert name), call me not skinny. (Because when we finally get that boyfriend, husband, or friend to agree to our thoughts that we aren't as 'thin' as we may desire to be, we can then lash out in anger over our physical insecurities. All the while the LORD has been begging you to open your eyes to the most beautiful creation He has ever made - you. Psalm 139).
Do not call me (insert name), call me unworthy or unable. (Once we've believed the lies that we aren't good enough, we accept the accusations of the enemy. Thus, the next time we fall into that sin again, we hear the enemy say 'I told you so,' and we nod shamefully, in agreement. Then, we permit ourselves to live in the vicious cycle of defeating strongholds, excusing ourselves from repentance or the seeking of victory, because remember, we are unworthy to even try to be different, or considered able to be anything but what we are in our flesh.)
Do not call me accepted, call me rejected. (He has made us accepted in the beloved. Ephesians 1:6).
Do not call me called of God, call me useless. (But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9).

What is it sisters that keeps us going around to others with our empty cups, seeking their approval or rejection to confirm what we already may think about ourselves? Quite possibly, it may be fear, pride, or false humility. Because if we are not the afflicted, non-skinny, unworthy, rejected, or useless ones that we may feel to be, we have to accept the Truth that we are disciplined out of His love, beautifully created, worthy, accepted, and chosen children of the Most High God. Can you receive that? Because you must. Do you have the courage to actively walk in the person He has already named you?

God shouts His names of love for you throughout the entirety of the Old Testament and the New. He displays it from the beginning of creation with a 'very good' all the way to His merciful redemption on the cross. You are who you are because of Him. To deny who you are, is to deny who He is. Next time you have a Naomi occasion, take your validly wounded heart to your Great Physician. And ask Him who you are. I suspect if you ask Him to please not call you 'such and such,' He will stoop down, impress His nail-scarred hand upon your bleeding heart, and gently remind you of your identity - His beloved, and the apple of His eye.

Count your losses. Weep. Cry. Give heed to the brokenness. But do not let your circumstances define who you are. Your El Shaddai calls you by a name rooted in His unconditional love for you. You bear the Name above every name - that of Christ - and nothing could be more wonderful...

Do not call me bitter, He calls me blessed.
Do not call me unclean, He calls me holy.
Do not call me not good enough, He calls me more than able.
Do not call me victim, He calls me victorious.
And do not call me unlovely, He calls me beautiful.

I love you girls. And I know the God of the Universe loves you with an even more tenacious love of perfection. He desires you to believe Him about who you are.

PS - Danny, Carole's sweet dog, refused to leave me alone during my Bible study time. He kept plopping on top of it while I was trying to read. Apparently, He has a heart for the Word. I mean really; He was fighting to get Himself on top of those pages. I finally got up and decided to capture the moment!

The call to an 'again'

2007-08-03T21:04:00.000-05:00

In Judges 20, Israel goes out against the wickedness of the men of Gibeah. (Read Judges 19 to obtain further background on this story). Israel seeks to purge the evil out of the tribe of the Benjamites by killing only the men of Gibeah. "Now then, deliver up the men, the worthless fellows of Gibeah, that we may put them to death and remove this wickedness from Israel. But the sons of Benjamite would not listen...(20:13)." This marks opportunity number one that Israel seeks to remove the wickedness.

Because the Benjamites refuse to give their men over, the LORD calls the rest of the Israelites to battle against their brother tribe. On battle number one, the men of Gibeah kill 22,000 Israelites.

"But ... the men of Israel, encouraged themselves and arrayed for battle again in the place where they had arrayed themselves the first day".

The Israelites inquired of the LORD, wept before Him, and then followed His command to return to battle. The second day of battle, the men of Gibeah kill 18,000 men of Israel (20:25). The result? The men of Israel return back to the LORD, with weeping, fasting, and offerings only to follow His command to return to battle once more; this would be their 3rd time in battle.

The Israelites have followed the LORD's command to join this fight three different times and have nothing to show for it at this point but a loss of 40,000 men. Sounds like defeat to me. Looks like defeat to me too.

What has grasped my heart and brought me to my knees in this story is the fact that each time the Israelites lose men, they return to the Lord, only to follow His command to return to battle again.

How often have I not returned to the battle? How often do we walk in the practice of what psychology would call 'learned helplessness?' Learned helplessness is essentially the effect of inescapable negative reinforcement. We participate in a conversation we shouldn't have, but we think we had no choice over our involvement. We maintain an unhealthy relationship because we have (wrongfully) accepted it, seeing that there is no way out. We choose to believe lies about ourselves or the way we view our Merciful God because we do not destroy the self-destructive thoughts that have molded us far too long. We sit back denying our sin. All the while, we are participating in the sin of omission. We do nothing. We say nothing. So we accept. We are blinded by the fact that our acceptance is keeping us bound to a life of defeat because we have chosen not to return to battle again.

Sister, simply because you may have lost on the first try, second try, or even third try does not mean the LORD has released you from that battle, nor the victory. Simply because your losing is more than your current gain does not mean that He has turned in His title as Conqueror and Redeemer. Simply because the 'wickedness' or 'sin' in your life has you in defeat right now does not mean that God has politely regarded your weary state and no longer asked you to remove the evil from your life.

It took 3 battles and the death of 40,000 Israelites until the LORD gave them victory. Why should it necessarily be any different for us? We need to cease dropping our swords and accepting the lie that things 'can't,' 'won't,' or 'don't.' Cease practicing helplessness sister, and return to your battle post. Next time there is defeat, follow the example of the Israelites: inquire of the LORD, weep, fast, and bring to Him the pleasing offering of your surrendered heart and will. But do not accept the status quo - your life is meant to be one of victory. You are meant to be complete in Christ, whole, holy, and free. I have worn the chains of a helpless victim so long that I made them spiritual necklace accessories. Newsflash: They're really not in style anymore! We are not called to be a victim, but we are called to be victors. Greater is He that is living in you than He that is in this world. Go, and walk in your 'again'.

"For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world— our faith." 1 John 5:4

In what area does unbelief keep you practicing in an area of defeat, rather than rising up to an 'again' battle with the Lord? I love you all so dearly. I cannot let you miss the blessing of the again, because it may very well be the last one before He delivers you from it. So I leave you with the question that He has stooped down to ask me countless times during my own paralytic defined times of life: "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:6).

Sisters

2007-07-30T14:26:00.000-05:00

I will leave my sister tomorrow (Tuesday) to return back to Atlanta, but I thought would emotionally prepare myself for having to leave her by talking to you siestas in blogland :)

We've 5 years apart, and have always been close (maybe due to that age difference or the fact that my younger brother would have been pulling out my pig-tails while I was tattling on him). lol. I hate telling her 'goodbye,' for several reasons that include the following: 1) I don't know when I'll get to see her again...maybe not until Christmas 2) She's the best sister you could ever have. She knows what I'm thinking, and we have no need to complete each other's sentences. We don't have to - we already know the other's thoughts. We laugh the same ... sound the same ... and past that, are as different as one could be from the other.

So, if you'll forgive me for the lack of creative writing, and bear with my list-format, I'll share some of the highlights about my vacation here in Clearwater, FL with you spiritual sisters :)

1) I loved that she came out to meet me with camera in hand late Tuesday evening when I arrived. She just had to capture her younger sister driving the Budget truck so that she could laugh for weeks to come.

2) I loved my new sleeping partner. She keeps me warm, weighs 55 lbs., and thus made a great 'spooning' buddy :) I introduce you to Bailey:

3) I loved going to Downtown Disney while my sister enjoyed her favorite activity of pin-trading. It's quite a sight to see ladies. I got the total giggles of the hard-core commitment of these Disney collectible pin fans. We ended the evening by eating at Wolfgang Puck's at Downtown Disney. Ohhh so good!

I also was introduced to Ghirardelli chocolate at Disney. Can someone please tell me how I've made it through life without ever having had them?! Holy stinking cow!

4) I loved going to Sea World with her and her friends. I am a roller-coaster lover if there ever was one. Sure the weather was hot; sure we walked around soaking wet (everything) for hours after a water-ride b/c my sister and I just had to have the front row seats on this particular ride; sure we ate the park out of its food because you work up an appetite from all that walking; sure you aren't the biggest fan of that 'park' look (the 'I need a shower in a bad way, but am having too much fun to care' look); and sure your hands are gross after feeding the dolphins and seals fish. And of course, if you don't think that Shamu is your new bff by the time you leave, you might need to spend a few more hours there before you leave.

5) I loved watching The Cosby Show with her before we go to bed, and giggling way too late into the night.

6) I loved dancing in the car to all of our favorite songs.

I've missed you girlfriends. And I'll be posting soon about a word the Lord has given me. But for now, I love the fact that I have 192 blog posts to catch up on according to my bloglines. ONE HUNDRED NINETY-TWO! You siestas can do some work in a week!!! LOL! PS - If you are a blogger, and don't use bloglines, PLEASE click on the link! Your life will be changed and you'll save yourself a lot of time checking in with other people's blogs. (Thank you Mandy for introducing me to it and making me more blog cool.)

Shamu says 'peace out' :)

Boaz Budget

2007-07-26T13:41:00.000-05:00

I embarked on a 8.5 hour trip yesterday to come down and visit my sister Sheila in Clearwater, FL. I've missed her, and I'm looking forward to 'playing' like we sisters do, beating her in Mario Kart (for you Jennyhope), sleeping in, going to the beach, and being a nerd as long as I want to in Barnes & Nobles. So, I'm writing to let you siestas and any beloved lurkers out there know that I'll be a little quiet in blog land for the next week. I'll check in when I can, and be sure to post some pictures from my time here at the end. And finally, you sweet girls are the ones who have to read what the Lord is brewing in my heart...so whenever I get through this holy beating with Him, I'll let you know.

For now, I just needed to brag about my Jesus. I had to drive a U-Haul yesterday (well - actually it was a 'Budget' truck, but everyone knows the generic U-Haul term). It's full of my apartment belongings from my past 2 years and my sister is kindly letting me store it at her house. This is going to help me out particularly if I go to Boston too.

Uhmm....in case you missed it - I HAD TO DRIVE A U-HAUL truck for 8.5 hours! I don't know about any of you ladies, but this has not been on my resume yet. These are the moments in my life where I really wish I had a boyfriend. I'm not saying I'm discontent without one, but I'm not exactly U-Haul experienced. I thought about borrowing some other girl's boy, but then decided that probably wasn't too legit. So, I waved my finger to the Lord and somewhat sternly reminded Him that He was my Husband. Hence, he better 'act like it.' :)

Kiran helped me all morning with the traveling to and fro's and loading. (She is such a true friend...I am humbled that I get to be her friend.) I told her I was petrified of driving this thing! She told me in all hysterics and seriousness 'Oh Shelly! It is so blog-worthy though. You can do this and those women know you can!' Lol - I took whatever motivation I could at that point. I had several blogging spiritual mama's praying for me, and I needed to let you know that I truly felt those prayers. The drive took me less than it has in the past and I really felt like His angels just picked me up and flew me here. Thank you!

I also felt that since we'd be bonding so much, my Budget truck needed a name. (I give my cars a Jesus Name...I know...I'm weird). So, hence the Lord was being my man yesterday and taking care of the heavy duties of this drive, Kiran and I only felt that Boaz Budget was fitting. We all need a Kinsmen Redeemer right?

Apparently, I was a sight to see. There were a handful of men that lined up to see me off at the Budget Truck company. They stood in a line smiling, chuckling, wishing me a safe journey, and shaking their heads. I also passed by truckers on the road who would take a double-glance at this new driver on their eye level. I guess my over-sized diva glasses and big gold earrings didn't help my look. But I had to be as girly as I could possibly be. So maybe I did overcompensate a little; but the U-Haul just wasn't working with my whole look and personality, so the accessories were in due call.

For your pure laughing enjoyment

(Sorry about the shortness of my shorts. I think they'd ridden up a little when I climbed to get on the truck.)

I bid you Adieu

I needed a Tinker Bell

2007-07-24T10:20:00.000-05:00

Hello blogging siestas! I finally have a moment to catch up on some tags and try to redeem myself from looking like I'm ignoring them. I'm not though! And I'm so sorry if I haven't honored one yet. You can send me a reminder; I'll need it these days! Okay...enough of that. Can you bear with me if I do two in one post!? (Ahh! The breaking of blog etiquette!) :)

Mandy, my bff, wants me to share 8 things you may not know about me. Seeing as this is blogville, this shouldn't be too difficult. But, I'm going to post some really weird ones to see if I can actually list anything that she doesn't know about me. Then I'll tag 5 of you :) And following this one, I will complete homegirl Jennyhope's tag. They're both fairly short, so if you stick with it, I'll give you a high five and a lollipop. Okay....kidding :)

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT ME THAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW

1) The cornea of my left eye has a wee small hole in it. I was on the beach one day as a kid and a grain of sand decided to have a fight with it.
2) My great great great (etc.) grandfather was the chief of a Cherokee Indian tribe. (Does that mean I can claim princess status? lol).
3) I am a shameless dancer at weddings. Give me a dance floor. No partner or alcohol required.
4) I toilet papered my highschool principal's house. And he still doesn't know!
5) I love to drink the juice from a pickle jar when all of the pickles are gone! (I know...gag if you want...you're really missing out though.)
6) I have this huge fear (and hatred of) rubber-bands or pony-tails being aimed anywhere near me for shooting.
7) I giggle in my sleep (like 3-4 times a year apparently).
8) I watched Peter Pan one too many times when I was a kid. You know how I know that? Because there was a period of weeks when I believed that I could fly. This meant I also tried to fly. I'd spend my afternoons in our front yard, running a full fledged sprint to the other side of the yard (giving myself ample take-off room), and then flail my hands simultaneously as I took a big leap to get off the ground at the end. One day, I got smart and decided to pull out my mini-trampoline (I used to do gymnastics) out at the end of my yard so that I could get higher ground when I took my big leap. I just knew it would propel me into flight status. I bounced on the trampoline with all 50 lbs. of me, then waited to soar into the blue skies...and landed abruptly bottom first on the ground. My hands that were in flight status didn't even break the fall. Needless to say my rear end hurt, so I sat there for a few seconds catching my breathe. THEN, I had a hissy fit slapping myself right there on the ground because I'd landed in a massive bed of ants!!! Did you catch that people? My rear end landed in a massive bed of ants! I never tried to join the Peter Pan movement again!!!

I TAG: Military Mommy, My Heavenly Wings, In the Midst of It, Facedown, and I am Not.

FIVE THINGS MEME:

5 things I want to do before I die:
1) Go to Israel
2) Go sky-diving
3) Take dance classes with my husband (oh wait...have a husband!)
4) Fulfill God's purpose for me
5) Go to Barcelona and Paris

5 things I can do:
1) Eat sweets! lol
2) Dance
3) Chill at the beach!
4) Chemistry - b/c I'm a dork
5) Shop!

5 things I cannot do:
1) Eat mayonnaise, butter, or ketchup - uggh!
2) Leave things unresolved
3) Sing. (Sadly, this doesn't stop me in the least bit!)
4) Physics
5) Cook

5 things that make a man attractive to me:
1) His heart for God
2) Humility...I hate pride :(
3) Eyes
4) Love and respect he has for his own family.
5) Honor/integrity/courage

5 celebrities I crush on:
Uhm....I can't say that I have any celebrity crushes, but if I did...
1) Matthew McConaughey
2) Robert Redford
3) Carry Grant (he's just wonderful isn't he?)
4) Pierce Brosnan
5) Jude Law

anyone who wants to tag themselves here for this one, go for it! I've got to get to work on packing! Love you all! Can't wait to see the answers :) Let me know when you do!

A 4:30 am scroll of remembrance

2007-07-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

Update: For all of you girls who apparently have a heart after my own...I'll let you know where the black and white dress is from :) This store: Forever 21

My weekend:

1) Eating at Ted's Montana Grill for the first time. After I got over my shock of drinking from a paper-made straw and my recyclable glass cup of sweet tea (they're an eco-friendly restaurant which was totally cool in my world), I was able to enjoy my tree-size portion of broccoli that came with my meal. ALL of it. I got to meet up with two of my Georgia Tech girlfriends that I haven't seen since graduation and we talked non-stop. And of course, because we're girls, we just had to take photos out by all the beautiful scenery outside. And despite your first thoughts of vanity, we won't get to see each other again because we all moving, so we had to take a few! (Er...uh...I'm supposed to be moving.)

2) A spend-the-night party with Kiran, Andrea, and myself. We watched a chick-flick, and then managed to stay up until 4:30 in the morning talking. My heart is still about to pop from the encouragement of spending time with these girls.

"But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."

As long as it is still called 'Today' ... we, on the other hand thought that just 'Today' was insufficient, and decided to add 'Tomorrow' in that verse as well, seeing as our conversation extended to the next stinking day! (My body cannot handle those nights anymore; my spirit on the other hand could not stop boasting in my Jesus).

"Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name." Malachi 3:16

I have not ceased thinking about this verse since my slumber-party with my siestas on Friday night.

Can you just picture Him leaning a bit on the edge of His holy Throne, His ears inclined to hear your voice as you talk about Him? Taking notes!!!??? I don't mean to imply that He is on some egotistical trip of pride, but I suspect He loves hearing the heart of His children come to further grasp how wonderful He is. In so grasping who He is, they become more devastated by His love. To know Him is to love Him girlfriends.

Take the time to boast in the Lord with one another. Be encouraged by one another. Ask each other the hard questions. Laugh until your sides ache. The Lord will set your heart to burn with the glory of His Name. I just get the giggles picturing Him leaning over to one of the angels, giving them a holy elbow nod, and going 'Did you hear that? She thinks I'm Wonderful. She thinks I am faithful in that situation." A big smile just must come across His face as He nods back to me in the unseen heavenlies, with a knee-slap of delight echoing through the skies, saying 'Yes child' back to me! And the angels cry 'Holy, Holy, Holy' all the meanwhile.

I don't want Him to have cliff notes. Bless the Lord, all my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.' (Psalm 103). Sisters, sometimes you may have to command your soul to 'bless the Lord,' but His person alone is enough reason to praise Him. But I'm sure it will be fine if you go to bed earlier than 4 in the morning from doing so!

Scroll-writing girlfriends

He may be seeking an occasion

2007-07-18T22:57:00.001-05:00

"Then Samson went down to Timnah and saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines. So he came back and told his father and mother, "I saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife."Then his father and his mother said to him, "Is there no woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?" But Samson said to his father, "Get her for me, for she looks good to me. However, his father and mother did not know that it was of the LORD, for He was seeking an occasion against the Philistines. Now at that time the Philistines were ruling over Israel." Judges 14:1 - 4

Samson, a declared Nazarite from birth, goes against the command of Deuteronomy 7:3 "You shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons." He sees this unnamed woman, and she 'looked good to him.' Samson's father and mother indirectly plead for him to not take a wife from the Philistines. Need they remind him who the Philistines are!? Yes - that would be one of their numero uno enemies The ones ruling over them!

Samson throws a feast in celebration of his father going to get this woman and decides to pose a riddle. If anyone was able to answer it, Samson would give thirty linen wraps and thirty changes of clothes (uhm....some really cool party favors! lol. Okay - totally kidding. Sorry). Four days pass, and the guests are stumped. They approach Samson's wife asking her to 'entice' her husband, that she may find out the answer to the riddle, and then let them know. Through her weeping (talk about the manipulation and influence of a woman), Samson eventually discloses it to her. She shares the answer to the guests.

Samson, realizing that they only knew the answer because they had asked his wife to entice him, kills 30 men. And that is just the beginning.

God take one small intermarriage and uses it to oppose His peoples' enemy. You will find that Samson's wife is later given to his good friend (They were clearly not thinking about the possible repercussions of that move.) As a result, Samson destroys the wheat fields of the Philistines. The Philistines, not so happy about their loss of grain, took revenge upon Samson by burning his wife and father-in-law's house down, with them inside.

Samson flees and encounters the men of Judah. The men of Judah, not wanting to get in trouble with their enemy who was ruling over them, return him back to the Philistine bound by rope. Samson breaks free of his binding ropes by the Spirit of the Lord, and kills 1,000 of the Philistines. Later, he is captured again when his second wife betrays him. The result? The Philistines bind him, gouge out both of his eyes, and force him to entertain them one night while they are praising their god Dagon. Never one to quit, Samson makes a move one last time, lifting up the pillars that sustain the house, bending them, and causing the house to fall on him and all of the 3,000 Philistines inside it to death.

God was seeking an occasion against the Philistines. (14:4). He wanted to deliver His chosen people from the ones who were falsely ruling over them. Did you catch how the LORD sought this occasion? Don't miss it dear one. He used what looked like a bad idea to Samson's mother and father (the intermarriage) to begin the process. He also used betrayal (two different times by both of Samson's wife). He used it again when the men of Judah allowed fear to be the motivator of their decision. Samson being in their 'world,' was a threat to their own personal safety for they knew the Philistines would come looking for him. Thus, Samson allows himself to be bind in rope by them and returned to the Philistines. Again, and again, and again, Samson's life is allowed by the sovereign, yet permissible will of God, to enter into the hands of those who were his enemies, so that God could be the ultimate Avenger and Redeemer for His people.

Too often I am afraid we stand with mouths gaped open in shock like Samson's mother and father, worried about a circumstance that looks horrific externally. Or maybe we are like the men of Judah who want to keep our spiritual bubbles 'just so,' and any threat to the way we run ministry, the way we like life, the way we see God, we just bind in ropes and toss back to the enemy.

Sister...your betrayal, or the ropes He's allowed your circumstances to be bound under, may be the exact vessels He is using to seek an occasion against your enemy. For the sin, stronghold, or addiction that is 'ruling over you,' you may feel like He's turned you over to them just as he allowed Samson to be turned over to his enemies. He may just have (Romans 1:24)...but if I could grab your sweet face in my hands to tell you that it could be for your ultimate victory in Christ, I would. When we are given over to the unsatisfying and sickening life of depravity (the enemy of our flesh), God can ultimately use it for our good. It may be that He has allowed you to feel the mud of that pit, or the tightness of those binding ropes, so that you will know that He Himself is orchestrating your freedom behind the scenes so that He can be a Mighty Deliverer to you. He is only waiting for you to cry out to Him.

Perhaps, the most profound thing to me about the life of Samson was that he desired even to die, so that he could kill the greatest number of Philistines possible by doing so. "So the dead whom he killed at his death were more than those whom he killed in his life." (16:30). Could it be that God is asking you to die (to the sinful nature of your flesh ) so that He can truly act upon the occasion He has long been seeking to destroy your enemies? I am sure that with the crucifixion of our flesh, God is readily more available to kill your enemies. And it is in death my sweet sister, that He raises you up with resurrection power. Let Him seek an occasion in your precious life.That rejection, that manipulation, and that death may really be the occasion He is using to give you a life of liberty.

He will be Wonderful

2007-07-17T21:33:00.000-05:00

"Why do you ask my name, seeing as it is wonderful?" Judges 13:18

(Preface: Y'all. I'm so sorry, but I cannot yet write what the Lord is stirring in my heart with my current reading in Judges. He has got me in a tizzy over Samson (aka - the Fabio of the OT as Lisa says at The Preacher's Wife, to which I about fell off my bed laughing). My head has been spinning for days, trying to connect the spiritual dots of what He is speaking to me, and I am not there. There is TOO much! I trust He will get it through my thick head in His timing. So until then, I'll precede with the following.)

Can I invite you for a dose of up-close and personal glimpses into my ever-dramatic Jesus life? For those of you who don't know, I have had a burning passion to attend seminary for the past couple of years. I have not been able to get out of Georgia Tech fast enough so that I could take my Bible, Greek and Hebrew flash cards that I bought months ago, and highlighters to seminary as my new BFF's. (Well, okay...my bff Mandy is there already!) I have not yet opened my flash cards because I am waiting for the perfect moment of sitting at my new desk, unraveling the package, and actually knowing what to do with my new crisp white cards. I know - I'm clearly a nerd, and I have just embraced it. (It really works better if you just do girls...). I am very aware that I can learn about my dear Jesus anywhere, and in my opinion, He really is the greatest Teacher of them all. There's nothing I love more than sitting at His feet, throwing all the commentaries and online tools aside, and just listening for Him to speak.

But I believe with Him instilling this passion in my heart, He has commanded me to go. After much prayer, I made the decision to attend Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in Boston this upcoming fall. I am to leave in approximately one month to be a pretend yankee :)

The kicker? Get ready for this...I have NO money! Hahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!! (I am giggling as I write this.) My job this summer that I had hoped would allow me to get myself there this year has not come anywhere close to meeting those hopes. It was pitiful. And since my Dad passed away several years ago, we are just now getting our feet back on any ground. I think my LORD may have aligned it to be just so though. Because in these circumstances, I have the privilege of knowing that the LORD my God IS God.

I have stepped back the past few days in laughter over my Jesus. He has called me to move to Boston, go to seminary, and all of this without a dime to my name. I told Him that I can't wait to see how He intends to pull this one off. He's got a big 'problem' on His hands that He has to take care of! He must be faithful to Himself, His Word, and His children. And He will not fail me (Joshua 1).

I know that because of the wonders of His person, even if I am unable to go to seminary, this would still not be Him failing me. Wherever He leads me, it will still be the best possible place and season that He could be glorified, and is in my best interest. He is always for showing His glory - He is a Jealous God. So I want to make sure I'm there getting to witness it.

At this time, He has not released my spirit to stop believing Him for the impossible - to be my Jehovah Jireh in a big way. Consequently, I am continuing to believe that I will set foot on that campus come early September. But you know what makes my heart dance sisters? The fact that even if I don't, I'll be setting foot exactly where He wants me to be anyway. He is Wonderful. And nothing is impossible for Him: Be it dropping money from the spiritual bank itself to get me there OR making sure that nothing thwarts His purposes for me, and keeping seminary out of the picture to ensure just that.

Moses only had a staff. David only had a slingshot. And the disciples only had five loaves and two fish. How long must it be before we realize our "only" is the very thing He has intentionally left us with, so that He could do the impossible in our lives. Our "only" is the very thing that allows us the privilege to know Him more in ways we would not have prior. Our "only" is the very thing that keeps us aware of the pauper state of our souls, and the everlasting love of God.

I wanted you siestas to know what was going on, only because I want you to be able to rejoice with me in about a month. I want you to be bragging with me about my Jesus because He is going to be doing some mighty big showing off. Be it financial provision, or setting my ever prone-to-wander feet somewhere else in the paths He has!

"Why do you ask my name, seeing as it is wonderful?" Judges 13:18

We cease asking LORD. Because time and time again, I know You to be Wonderful.

My "only" is Your's...

How do you title this?

2007-07-16T22:17:00.001-05:00

Y'all. Sweet Patty at Girlfriends in God bestowed the following blogalicious award to me. We meet at a LPM conference in Boone, NC and she has been nothing but a treasure since then. You'll have to visit her site and scroll down to about the 2nd post to find out what she said about me, and actually see that I'm not just making this up, because for now, I'm brain-dead and can't figure out how to link the actual post 'here.'

Anyway, I've had to visit several blog sites to determine what in the world the proper blog etiquette was after this happens, so forgive my lack of blog manners if I miss something.

I need you women (and men?) to know that this blog world has been nothing but a extra surprise to me from my Beloved, a gift from Him that consisted of you. I would like to continue in my ramblings about how anything here is only because He lives, but I think I'll leave it at that. It is only because He lives!

"Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have, I give thee." Acts 3:6

How I love Him so...

Always a Daddy's girl...

2007-07-15T22:03:00.001-05:00

I have sat here for a moment trying to decide upon some of my favorite Dad memories. Maybe it was the way he would wrap me up in the covers so tight as a little girl that it took my combined leg strength to get out of the safe cocoon wrap. Maybe it was that time he looked at me in absolute bewilderment my freshmen year of college as he picked me up at my dorm for my first Georgia Tech football game with him - he was decked in his black and gold school colors. I, on the other hand, thought fashion was more important, and wore some red and blue plaid pants (I know - you can cringe), with a blue shirt. It just so happened that I was also sporting the opposing teams colors! He looked at me absolutely dumbfounded, shook his head, smiled, and held my hand to walk to the game. Or maybe it was all those teenage years that I went roller-blading with him as he jogged around St. Simons Island; he would always buy me my beloved fresh boiled peanuts afterwards!

Today would have been his 54th birthday. It has been about four years since his unexpected death, and I still find myself wondering what I need to get him for his birthday this year (while vowing to not get the dreaded tie or socks that every Dad seems to be stuck with :) )

I miss his smile. It put any anxious thought or way within me to rest.
I miss talking on the phone with him. Four years past his death, and I still have days where I forget that I can't call him like I used to everyday.
I miss standing on top of his feet in hug position to dance with him.
I miss the way he smelled.
I miss the way he said my nick-name...
I miss his bear hugs.
I miss him believing in me.
I miss him making up songs that rhymed about me.
I miss listening to him try to sing an oldies song, only to mumble his way through the stanza, and barely know the chorus. It was always an opportunity to laugh at each other.
I miss catching him loving on my cat, while he pretended to be too manly for that.
I miss the way he cared for me.
I miss his phone messages he would leave from work, "just to tell me that he loved me."

And so now,
I will miss his grin, or concerned glance, when I bring home the next 'man' in my life.
I will miss knowing if he approved or not.
I will miss him walking me down the aisle to be married. No other person seems fitting to give me away and I just don't know what to do about that.
I will miss him cradling my future child in his arms the way he held me.
I will miss knowing what his face would have looked like at my college graduation. It was his biggest dream for me, and the day seemed so incomplete without seeing his face as I walked off that stage.
I will miss him raking up a big pile of leaves for my children to run and jump in the way he did for me.
I will miss him knowing what a wonderful grandfather he would have been.
But most of all, I will miss him knowing (despite his imperfections) how wonderful of a father he already was to me.

Call me crazy, but to me, it's still his birthday. He is too much of the reason I am who I am, and thus is ever-present in my heart. I miss him to an amount that hurts nearly everyday.

To a man never to be replaced in my life, the LORD alone has given me something worth counting my 'loss'. Himself. He would be the only One able to fill such a void. Let me assure you girls that He is always the 'more' that you need. Christ Himself, the Word that became flesh, the King of Kings, has become my gain. May I never be satisfied with nothing less than all of Him. He is It for me. The One who sustains my universe has stooped down, and allowed me to climb into the lap of the Father.

Psalm 119 "It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. Your hand made me and formed me...may those who fear You rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your Word."

Given to one Father by another dearly missed one...I have found Him to be my Life and Love.

A birthday...even if only in my heart.

The call for 'Elizabeth's'

2007-07-12T13:53:00.000-05:00

Last night, I went to Carole and Rob's house for an evening composed of 6 kids, 5 adults, lots of wonderful food, and sweet fellowship. Once the company had left, I sat around with Carol, Rob, and their eldest Chris (going into the 7th grade). Their youngest, Blake, was passed out youngin' style on the sofa chair from a full day of serious play. I played with the boys - and looked like it! We sat around, talking and laughing, for another hour until midnight struck and I needed to scoot home. With Christopher making sure he didn't need to walk me out with an umbrella, and hugs from Rob and Carole, I made my way to the car. And as is the case for nearly every time I leave their house, I fought back tears the whole way home.

I don't think Carole (nor Rob) could fathom the depth of their impact upon my life. They don't realize that the moments little Blake serves me my bottle of water have the same touch upon me as the occasions when the two of them pray over me before I head out the door. I'm not sure they grasp the fact that Christopher's little magic card tricks touch the depths of my spiritual soul as much as the couch moments that Carole and I share when we are boasting (and crying) in the Lord together. But for this 24 year old post-college graduate that is a bit of a vagabond right now, they do.

My heart is aching for a trend that I see throughout my generation. We are lacking our 'Titus 2' women. His Word tells us that the "older women are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensitive, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

Now hear me! I am not implying that these older godly women don't exist! I'm merely noticing the pattern of my generation (20 and 30 year old's) being disconnected from those women who are a generation ahead of them or so. I am sure there are a plethora of reasons we could validly say have had an impact on this. Maybe my younger generation has not stepped into the church enough to even be a presence that indirectly demands recognition. Maybe my younger generation is not brave enough to confess their desire (or need) for being discipled. Maybe my younger generation has allowed pride to rob them of the invaluable lessons that comes from a mentor. Or maybe the older generation has dually missed it. Maybe they think that our DVD Bible studies, online sermons, podcast teachings, and conference attendance gives us plenty of 'teaching,' and we would have no need for them. Maybe they think that we think they wouldn't be relevant, thus discrediting their knowledge and depth of insight.

Time and time again, one of the most confessed needs of my college sisters was their desire for a woman older then them to walk with them in life. They were not seeking a crutch, or someone to 'baby' them, but because they were so desperate for Jesus, they were hungry for the touch of one who has seen His face, and could come and teach them. Face in hands, eye to eye, to come to grips with the good and bad of one's spiritual heart.

Mary needed it. May I speak for my generation to let you know that we do too? The angel Gabriel lets the young teenager know that she would conceive the Most High son Jesus by the Spirit. (I wonder what in the world it must have been like to be her...I mean seriously - how did she explain this one to Joseph?). Yet before Gabriel departs, he leaves her with this timed word: Oh yea. Your relative Elizabeth, as old as she may be, is pregnant too in her 6th month. (paraphrasing). Mary then 'went in a hurry' to visit Elizabeth. And she does - for three months. Mustn't they have compared bellies during these three months? Mustn't they have sat somewhere feet propped up, talking and laughing and feeling the beginning kicks of their anointed children? Mustn't young Mary gleaned encouragement, strength, and courage from Elizabeth? I suspect Mary must have been a wide-eyed teenager overwhelmed with this new phase of life. No doubt the God of time divinely intersected the paths of these two women for a little mentoring, a little laughing, probably a lot of hormonal crying, and a lot of praising Jesus.

We are all a Mary. We are all Elizabeth's as well. I beg you sister...as you embrace your season of being a Mary, take heed to those your elder. Be brave enough to seek them out. Learn from them. Hear their hearts. Sit at their feet. And as we embrace our seasons of being an Elizabeth, trust Christ in you to be sufficient to lead the younger ones. Step out in faith, and go grab the younger one that wants you to think she has it all together; I can assure you she is longing for your wise touch.

May He be the reason 'what is good is taught,' so that the Word of God does not go dishonored (Titus 2:5). I hope that one day I can be the women of God that Carole is...for she is undoubtedly an 'Elizabeth.'

Just a few reasons why I love Him so

2007-07-09T11:01:00.000-05:00

Okay! I've been tagged by my sweet Patty to answer the following questions. I am going to do my best to be anti-Shelly in completing it, which means I'll try to be brief!

Here are the rules:

1. those tagged will share 5 things they dig about Jesus…
2. those tagged will tag 5 other bloggers…
3. those tagged will post a comment here with their name and a link to their “dig” Jesus list…

1A - The fact that Christ died on the cross. As much as God is a forgiving and merciful God, He is also a God of justice and righteousness. We wouldn't want Him any other way! But because of the latter, He is a God of holy wrath. Thus, the death of Christ on the cross is something that God is marking deeper on my heart. Ladies, if we are not being reveled and shattered by the cross of Christ, we are missing it.
2A - That He is my Jehovah Jireh and Jehovah Mekoddishkem: He who provides and the One who sanctifies me respectively. These areas are ones where I continually realize my poverty (whether materially, spiritually, mentally, or emotionally), so this side of our LORD always overwhelms and humbles me. Because I am so lacking here, getting to know Him as this has been more than I could have ever believed.
3A - That He is stinking fun! I never have more fun than when I am having fun in Him; and with my siestas! He is NOT boring, nor is His Word!
4A - And speaking of, His Word is another thing I love about Him. Oh how I love it.
5A - And for a final thought on what I love about Christ, I'd have to say that I love how He is a jealous God who wants His glory to be made known. Consequently, He is watching over the affections of my heart and keeps me in line by His grace. It is a privilege to be on His journey.
6A - He's my boyfriend. What else can I say!??? I'm a drama queen that can be high maintenance, yet He still loves me! lol
7A - I'm His favorite :)

2. I tag Mandy, Abby, Anna, Kim, and Jenny

PS - ANYONE can leave their own comment about why they dig Jesus :) I just couldn't 'tag' everyone or I would allow blog world to become a time-consuming stronghold! lol...Forgive me!

Goat-training and sleep depravity

2007-07-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

I went to a first-time babysitting job on Friday evening for a set of adorable 3 year old twins, and an 18 month old. I LOVE little ones, so this is nothing but fun for me. However, before my night even started, I realized that my three nights of insufficient sleep were taking their toll. On my way there, I was following the directions I had written down on a notepad. Guess what? Directions to Macon, GA will not get you to a neighborhood by the Atlanta zoo. But I sure tried! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I realized I was following the directions to Macon from last week's directional needs and NOT the 3rd page of my note pad's directions (which contained those to the sitter's house).

1) I also want to esteem all of you mothers out there. I now understand why you have trimmed biceps and triceps. Clearly, I had not eaten a sufficient amount of my Wheaties that day, for it was all I could do to hold one each on an arm. I looked like a struggling sumo wrestler. Another realization that I needed more sleep.

2) I also understand why you're all stick thin. I could not master the art of feeding the three of them, making sure the green beans went in their mouth and not their noses, and answering a plethora of 'why' questions in the process. I never even thought about the fact that I hadn't managed to feed my own self until about 10 pm that night. I was too tired to care by that point.

3) Guess what else? The 3 year olds diapers doesn't go on the 18 month old. If you do that, it will fall off.

4) The twins apparently had made covenant with one another to not cease talking when they were supposed to go to bed. So they didn't...For an hour, my sleep depravity left me making the poor choice and thought that if I kept walking up the stairs to make them mind me, they would hush. (I'm sure you mothers are laughing!).

Praise Jesus. He brought to 'remembrance all things.' (Yes - It says ALL!). Warning - you can laugh at what follows. I once trained a goat (yes - you heard me...a goat) at the Atlanta Zoo my junior year of college for an Experimental Applied Psychology class. It's quite a fascinating field in all honesty, and the practical things we learned are actually used in child behavior. SO, I remembered how I taught my beloved goat to bow (yes - if you go to the Atlanta Zoo and find a goat named Amani, he will bow for you on command). Now hear me! I'm NOT saying that children are like goats!!! But I remembered how to reinforce and not reinforce whatever behavior it was that I was desiring. Oh yes mam - they were silent within the next twenty minutes :) Jesus really CAN redeem ALL things. Even the embarrassing confession that you trained a goat in college.

5) On my way home, despite my being tired, my empty stomach took reign. Hmm...what do I want at midnight! Oh but of course - Arby's! Because who doesn't love curly fries at midnight!?? I placed my order, got my sandwich, and drove off WITHOUT my fries or drink :( (Did I mention that earlier in my day I drove up to my dry-cleaners, rolled down the window to hand her my clothing, and didn't have any of it with me. Yea...I looked real cool then too.)

In conclusion, I want all of you to know that I got lots of sleep Saturday night. I was scheduled to work a double 13 hour shift at work, and told Jesus that I just didn't have it in me. Wouldn't you just know it that we had an extra person for the evening shift who was able to take my place. Oh He is so good.

And so is my bowing goat :)

PS - If you haven't done so yet, I'd love for you to give a new blogger friend of mine a hello by this.

Overcoming blogging fears and embracing siesta land :)

2007-07-07T15:31:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone!

I have a couple of things to bring to bloggityville, but first comes first! I've got exciting news! (Well - for me and Mandy at least!) Trust me, it will be for you too once you get to know her. Carole is a precious woman of God that has been a mentor, friend, and unspeakable blessing for me during my hears here in Atlanta. Mandy and I are putting together a blog her so she can take ownership of the siesta identity she has already owned but has been hidden beneath technology (i.e. - blogging!) fear! lol The idea came because we have been SOOOO blessed to join the blogging world.

We want her to experience the same blessing that you all have given us, so we’re setting it all up for her & she’ll find out about it on Tuesday!

If you can, stop by carolebyfaith.blogspot.com and leave her a quick comment!

THANK YOU!!!

A bit of a speech problem

2007-07-03T19:04:00.000-05:00

The men of Ephraim were called to arms, and they crossed to Zaphon and said to Jephthah, "Why did you cross over to fight against the Ammonites and did not call us to go with you? We will burn your house over you with fire." And Jephthah said to them, "I and my people had a great dispute with the Ammonites, and when I called you, you did not save me from their hand. ...Then Jephthah gathered all the men of Gilead and fought with Ephraim. And the men of Gilead struck Ephraim..And the Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan against the Ephraimites. And when any of the fugitives of Ephraim said, "Let me go over," the men of Gilead said to him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" When he said, "No," they said to him, "Then say Shibboleth," and he said, "Sibboleth," for he could not pronounce it right. Then they seized him and slaughtered him at the fords of the Jordan. At that time 42,000 of the Ephraimites fell."

The Ephraimites were having a bit of a fit with the current judge of Israel, Jephthah. Jephthah had just finished leading his fellow Gileadites into a victorious battle against the Ammonites. The Ephraimites, wanting the plunder and spoil from the battle that the Gileadites had gained, were angry that they were not invited to join them. (Not exactly pure motivation here hum!).

Jephthah would not have this talk or behavior from the Ephraimites, and fights them in battle, overtaking the fords at the Jordan. (Now, I will refrain from making the judgment call about whether Jephthah's actions against the Ephraimites were too severe or not.) However, when any Ephraimites tried to disguise the fact that he was an Ephraimite and escape as a fugitive across the Jordan, the Gileadites called them to a test of pronunciation. An Ephraimite could not say "Shibboleth," due to their own language dialect, and pronounced it as "Sibboleth" instead. One letter off and an Ephraimite was discovered to be who he truly was. The result was death.

I have not been able to stop saying "Shibboleth" and "Sibboleth" in my head this past week. (You want to talk about feeling even more weird in Jesus than I already do - try having these words repeating in your head without asking your permission if it was okay for them to land there in your subconscious for days on end.) Go ahead - say them out loud a few times.

All I have been able to think about is the hissing sound made in the latter word. This has thus turned my thoughts toward Satan, our cunning serpent and deceiver. He hisses lies, and twists the truth just so to make you actually believe it to be the truth. He comes to you as an Ephraimite (so to speak), trying to cross over to your God-possessed land that you worked hard to attain in battle, and wants to step into it! He wants to take back the plunder of fruit that you have born as you've been victorious in Christ. It is to your Father's glory that you bear much fruit sister! And your enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy. He's jealous and he's downright mad. He wants access to your land, and it is not going to be pretty when he comes prancing in as a fugitive on the run to wreak havoc.

Would you try asking him to a test of pronunciation? (Now hear me, the enemy knows Scripture; I'm speaking more theoretically here - not literally!)

May I call you to authenticity before the Lord for a moment? I have had to ask the Lord to show me my 'Sibboleth's' (if you will). There were some areas where I had allowed some hissing to take place in my thought life; the enemy had twisted the truth just so to keep it initially subtle, but nonetheless, be a flat out lie when compared to the Truth of His Word. My "Sibboleth" sounded like, and even really looked like, my "Shibboleth."

Let me give some practical hissing occurrences for you:
1) I believe God's best for me.
BUT
I've settled in 'this' particular area. (I thought I was fully trusting the Lord, but when I really let the light of His Word search my heart, I realized maybe I'd started giving heed to the hisses of the enemy, and started believing some lies rooted in fear, thus settling.)
2) I believe God has more for me than my mind has ever conceived.
BUT
I've settled in my life of ministry for what I do well and am competent in. (When I cease actively walking in something that is beyond my own capacity to do for Him, I am probably not walking where I should be. He is a big God that demands big faith because He demands His endless glory to be made known. If I am not receiving the dreams He has for me that scare me half to death, then I am possibly walking in the pitiful limited dimensions of my flesh, and have ceased believing Him for the 'MORE' that He already is).

Beloved, you have been given the authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy (Luke 10:19). Cease allowing the hisses of his lies define your present reality. The ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world (Revelation 12:9) is alive and active, seeking whom he may devour. I beg you to take your thought-life and heart to the Lord, and allow the touch of His nail-scarred hand to draw forth any areas where you have allowed the poisonous venom of a hiss to taint the Truth that He has promised to be alive and active in you - if you will allow it.

Call the enemy out sister. Call his stinking self out. Oh I pray you get as mad at him as I have been. He will not come pretending to be truth in my life (as a disguised Ephraimite did with the Gileadite) for I am going to call him bluff when I compare Him against Christ Himself - the Word that became flesh. And for this one, I will make the judgment call about the severity of the punishment upon discovering him not to be real. Indeed and without arguing, you need to slaughter those pretentious thoughts and acknowledge them as death, that the alive and active Word may reign upon your heart. Tread upon him until it becomes death to you. He is nothing but a hissing venomous fake, and I am frankly tired of his old games. Care to join me in calling him out???

Dare your enemy to say a 'Shibboleth' to you...I bet if you listen closely, it doesn't come out as pure Truth. If the Lord so speaks, and you're brave enough to do so, let's confess them as we post comments. What twisted truth or lie have you been allowing him to hiss at you? Make sure you replace it with a reference of biblical Truth. I love you dear siesta. I call you to the hard stuff only because He has first called me to it...and I want as much of Him for myself as I do for you.

Kumbayah

2007-07-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

Y'all. My Boston best girlfriend Mandy had a humorous song linked on her worship blog tonight. Check it out here. Just click to play. It totally made me laugh.

(Disclaimer: I know the 'yah' does not mean Lord, since it's not Hebrew, but it still made me laugh)

PS - I promise I've got a rhema coming soon; Jesus has just been dealing with it in my own heart first (which can take some time in between blog posts). And I make it a point to never write something to you that He has not worked through and through with me first. It just would not be fair in siesta land!

I love you girls! (And I can officially say, 'guys' now too! I've got a few braves souls out there!) :)

Gig on the Grass

2007-06-30T23:56:00.000-05:00

Y'all. About 3 weeks ago I went with some of my girlfriends to Gig on the Grass at my church. It's an event that serves as a safe environment to bring friends, a frisbee, a picnic, and a blanket to sit on for the nights' events. The evening is nothing but fun music sang by godly Christian worship leaders here and elsewhere. Candi Pearson Shelton was there singing powerfully enough for the stars to hear. (I love her heart for the Lord; so she's a favorite of mine). One of the purposes of the night was to be able to create an environment for non-church going individuals to step foot into this world - well, more likely step foot onto the grass lawn of the church. Thus, your safe, clean secular music was played throughout the evening that included 80's, oldies, country, and every girl's (I like this song even though maybe I shouldn't be belting it) - Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable.'
I have no idea why I've made a post out of this. Maybe because it made me laugh and I wanted to share it with you. Maybe because many of you probably don't know that I have a dancer's heart and have been dancing for 18 years. Maybe because I want you to know that I love Jesus more than life itself, but am just as naive and human as the next person. So, here I am, sharing my embarrassing photos with you.
You will be less worried to know that no one could hear us singing (the music was too loud). CLEARLY though, I was having a good time. CLEARLY, the music had a good beat. CLEARLY, God was wise in not giving me the gift of singing because I think He would slap wear Himself out trying to keep me humble over it. BLESS HIM! He knows what He's doing! (It's always been a dream of mine to be an egg-shaker for Jesus though...LOL. Mandy, who actually IS a songwriter and musician, FINALLY gave me an egg-shaker this past year for my birthday.
It was such a fun night. We danced our way through most of it out in the warm Atlanta weather under a night of bright stars. I mean seriously...girls do just want to have fun :)
PS - And yes. That is a cell phone I'm using as a microphone. I had to make do!
PS Again - And yes. Not anyone else in our photo background is standing up singing foolishly like we are. But since we were more concerned about our quality girl time than picking up cute guys, and don't have to take ourselves too seriously, we opted for the stand up singing sessions. It was so worth it...

Nope - you're not hallucinating!

2007-06-29T21:37:00.000-05:00

PS - Sorry for the blog design change with no warning! It's not b/c you haven't had your coffee today. I'll try not to change it again without an official warning! (Well - 'I' didn't technically change it. Mandy was super nice and took the time to do it for me. You know you got a good friend when you let them change your blog :) Besides, she's totally artsy and creative and a singer and an artist, and I'm totally not). The former lighthouse background made me feel like I constantly needed to throw someone a life preserver. Seeing as I have zero upper arm strength, am a pathetic 'savior,' (trust me - Jesus is so much better) and couldn't climb the stairs to the top of it anyway, I just had to have something new! Thank you for bearing with me. Love you siestas!