I should be planning a wedding...but He's divinely jealous

My dearest siestas,

I would love to grab your sweet hand and take you on the walk of my last two months, but time simply does not allow me to do so. I'm going to post a puny little update after this one regarding my personal life. If you would just cover me with grace though, I'm entering into blogworld tonight with a bit of audacity and rusty writing skills :) I know I left 'your' worlds, but I have felt your prayers, realizing that by Jesus' sweet grace, you never left mine; I think of you often, wondering if you are getting to know and love Jesus more.

My current status: Nashville, job-less, just moved into mine and Nate's new place (applause to Jesus please), celebrated my 26th birthday in Jan. (gasp!), and feeling overwhelmingly hunger about every three hours (Nate doesn't know what to do with me!)

I have such a myriad of emotions these days, it is unfair for me to recount them to anyone but my sweet Jesus. He would be the only One that would not be left dizzy! But, I feel like I just must get this one affection out to you. In this present season of substantial transition, and in preparation for marrying my man, I have not been able to deter from a particular truth about my God: His divine jealousy.

It has consumed me. I think of it all throughout my day, with a lump in my throat. Even right now, I am taking a deep breathe to keep these brimming tears suppressed! I ... cannot ... get ... over ... it.

His divine jealousy. Exodus 20:4-5 provides us with the first mention: "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God,..." In essence, YHWH's jealousy denotes a great eagerness and zeal.

Pause just a moment girlfriend, and let this one sink into the self-protective layers of our hearts where we fear His discipline and avoid the all-knowing gaze of our El Roi. Any time God's jealousy is expressed as wrath in the OT, it is because of idolatry and the breaking of the covenant. The God of the Universe, the God who fashioned you with His very hands, has promised you Himself. Exodus 6:7 reads "I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God..." The Giver and Sustainer of Life must breathe a deep sigh of pain whenever He sees His children turn to another god. The heart of God must swell in pain upon our misplaced affections when He so longed to be your God that He disrobed His majesty and became flesh. He is divinely jealous for you child. This divine jealousy, that can take the form of discipline and holy anger, is the very part of His jealousy that I have come to love. For it is this holy passion and eager zeal of His that keeps this wayward child bound to His grace and will.

When I have been out of His will, it is then that He allows me to be dissatisfied and discontent. When I have walked outside of His laws of liberty, He has at times allowed me to be given over to the fleeting passions of my flesh. As painful as those times have been, it teaches this stubborn daughter of His a lesson: There is no One (or thing) like my God. I frequently ask Him to make me flat out miserable over any area of my life where my heart, mind, or soul is not entirely His. For you see, He is jealous enough over me and you to want every ounce of you. And because He is who He is, He's allowed to demand it. If we realize that His divine jealousy is a gracious holy zeal that keeps watch over our affections and emotions, sheltering them from wrong, we would willingly submit ourselves. As a matter of fact, we would probably be begging for His jealousy to be active in our lives. He already is the Jealous One for you, so He can't not be; but we can fight Him over it every misplaced affection on the way.

Isaiah 9:6-8: For to us a child is born; to us a son is given, and the government will be upon His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over His kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

That's the divine jealousy of God girlfriend. If His holy zeal can establish the enduring kingdom of Christ from everlasting to everlasting, I bow myself in absolute humility before His divine jealousy for me, so that He may be my only true love and establishing His enduring kingdom in me. His Glory is worth it; I can promise you that.

And so I close, foregoing the exegetical details that the nerd in me would love to share with you if I had the time. I am doing this subject a pitiful service to how wonderful and mind-blowing it is, but this is all I can offer y'all at the moment, in this season, 5 days away from being married. I trust God through His living and active Word to spur you on to discovering this for yourself. And I ask the Holy Spirit to soften your heart to the wonderful reality of God's protective, beautiful, and accomplishing divine jealousy over you. For it has saved me. It has redeemed me from a pit of despair, depression, and insecurities. It has set me free from disorders and addictions. It has broken paralyzing chains of fear. It has kept me saved for Nate. And it has kept Nate in his position as the imperfect love of my life. And it has changed this heart of unhealthy desires into one that says instead, "I delight to do Thy will" (Ps. 40:8). It has caused me to love my Jesus more than anyone else in this world.

I pray you come to praise Him for His divine jealousy. And I ask that He would develop in us a godly jealousy for Him, and for one another, for the sake of His Great Name. He is worth it sister. 

TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS

Hello lovely ladies!

This is Mandy again, Matron of Honor Extraordinaire, even though I'm no substitute for your beautiful and beloved Shelly. She'll be back. Eventually. Probably sometime in March or April. After a two-week honeymoon (yes. two - count them - TWO), and then all the post-wedding nesting that will take place. Thank you cards. etc etc etc. Oh yeah, and spending time with Nate.

I wanted to ask a favor of you ladies that Shelly loves so much. (Did y'all know that she has mentioned some of you by name to me before? She thinks of you more than you realize...)

Anyway, back to the favor!

This is the two week mark - February 14th is fast approaching. They finally found an apartment and Shelly moved in this past week. (I heard through the grapevine that the location isn't the best, even though the apt has a HIGH cute factor rating.)

Anyway, back to y'all! :)

I wanted to invite you to give Shelly some last minute advice before her big day - but, I'm asking for a very specific focus to your advice... Since her head is swimming with to-do lists, could your advice be focused in the direction of how Shelly can STAY FOCUSED ON WHAT MATTERS over the next two weeks?

Something like this: Shelly, I know your head is swimming with information, and you have LOTS to accomplish over the next two weeks, but I think a great way for you to stay focused would be by _______________.

She'll be reading these comments via email, as they'll be sent directly to her (and me) - and it's my Matronly duty to make sure she pays attention.

Ok ladies! I'm looking forward to what you'll offer Shelly.

The Happy Couple

Moving Day

Hi. I'm sad to report the news that I'm not Shelly. But, don't panic, I've been given permission - as a part of my list of "Matron-of-Honor" duties - to keep y'all updated on the next few months of Shelly's life.

My name is Mandy.

On behalf of Shelly, I want to apologize for her lack of attention to this blog... Let's just say that her energy has been well-focused ELSEWHERE: Wedding plans, classes, world-traveling fiance', etc etc. I'm sure you ladies understand!

I just said goodbye to my BFF. This time a boy has stolen her, and I have a feeling he's not gonna give her back.

Yes. Today is moving day.
They packed up.
Drove away.
Headed south for the winter... and the rest of their lives!

The past few days have been a whirlwind for her... Nate (still worn out from his most recent bout with Malaria - long story) arrived on Saturday, and slept while Shelly finished her last exegesis paper. (I'm not sure what an exegesis paper is. You can ask my husband. He's a student at this seminary as well. All I know is that they are HARD to write.. So, yes, 20 pages in 8 hours is nothing short of a miracle!)

(And we properly gave Him praise for getting her through the paper so quickly.)

The rest of her time this week has been spent saying goodbyes. LOTS of goodbyes. Complete with tears and hugs and more tears. Last night at dinner, Shelly recounted that Nate even cried. He agreed, saying he cried because all her friends took so stinking long to say goodbye!

(Nate's a funny one, yes he is. And, bless him, he's wrapped around her little finger.)

The packing and leaving part has been rather... tense. But, she only yelled at him once. Good thing he knows a stressed bride when he sees one!

(Speaking of. Y'all should see the way he adores her, even when she's a little, um, moody. The man is ruined for life. He needs prayer. Lots of it.)


There's no room for the iPod in this car. My best guess is that Shelly is gonna have to sit in his lap all the way home. We can't have that, now can we? ;)

Over the next few days they'll be wandering all over the eastern seaboard, eventually landing in Nashville, unpacking the car, and heading south for Christmas.

So, that's the latest - with more to come.

I can't make any promises about this blog once they tie the knot, but I can promise you, as Matron-of-Honor extraordinaire, that I'll give you a handful of updates AND a chance to bless Shelly over the next two months.

Well, according to Shelly: SEVEN weeks and two days, to be exact.

~mandy

My God is a show-off...and I love Him for it.

Prologue:

God glances down from His heavenly throne, smiles, and starts fulfilling the words He spoke long ago over two peoples' lives. He acts with divine orchestration to work out a plan that no mind could conceive. The two people see a little 'darkness' over their minute self-made plans. God sees it as a divine opportunity to get some glory. For then they will know, that the LORD their God is God, and 'nothing is too difficult for Him.'

Scene one:

Character Me and my circumstances --> haven't seen my man in 2 months
--> finishing up Hebrew I (loved it - even more than
Greek
--> can't wait to see my man visit on Friday
Character man and his circumstances --> haven't seen his woman in 2 months
--> whirlwind travel schedule
--> can't wait to come visit woman in Boston

Scene two:

Character man and character me realize the airplane ticket is too expensive if they plan to do such things like eat and pay their cell phone bills in the future. Dern it....Airplanes are dumb :(

Scene three:

Character me --> tries to put on her 'big girl panties' and just deal with it
--> couldn't find those
--> spends a lot of quality time on the carpet with her Jesus
--> sad heart; in-love heart aches much
Character man --> does his best to support and encourage and understand slightly hormonal woman in the far away land of Boston

Scene four:

Character me --> desperate and unashamed to beg to her God, pleads for a miracle

Scene five:

Character man --> wonders if a double-doozie cookie from the Great American Cookie Company would help woman.
Character me --> tells him not even those would help...she misses her man (Character man gasps in shock at the severity of the situation!)

Scene six:

Character man --> receives a check in the mail Thursday morning from a mutual couple of friends of ours to bless us in hopes of making a visit possible
Character woman --> receives an email from a fellow GTech sorority sister Thursday evening making it possible for character man to receive a Delta buddy pass
Both characters - can't believe their friends...wonder if they will ever know how their obedience unto the Lord to give blessed our hearts. Surely not...

Scene seven:

Character me --> cries, laughs, screams, and sits down in her hall for a while
--> marvels at a God of such mercy
--> humbled at the blessings He as a Heavenly Father longs to lavish when
we walk obediently to the difficult things to which He calls us
--> supposed to be studying for her Hebrew final she has the next morning
--> can't concentrate to study hardly because she's too excited
--> can't sleep because she's still in awe of her God and anxious to see a
'second' love
--> recognizes the blessing of the presence of the Body even more

Scene eight: Character Me picks Character Man up at the Boston airport and jumps into his arms -- be still my heart -- thy love is here! -- Curtains close

Trust in Him with all your heart siestas. He is jealous to be your Only passion and love. I rejoice with you over the ways, even the difficult ones, in which He makes sure He is the One who receives all the glory and praise in your lives. I just started back to class this week, so I'll seek to catch up with you more by the end of the week. Love each of you!

'No' little lady

Y'all,

I know that at this point in my blogworld, it is most appropriate for me to give some kind of life update, and I assure you it will come soon. But for this moment, I need to speak about my Jesus.

Just here lately, I have been pleading with Him over a particular situation. And when I say 'plead,' I am meaning full-on childlike faith, given by Him, to believe and ask for the impossible. I know He is able. However, the answer He gave me was a "No." So, I pleaded some more. And some more. And my pleads turned into full-on childlike tantrums. Still, a "No." Then, I got angry at Him; and I even reverently told Him so. Still, in the same gentle voice as before, He whispered, "No Shelly."

In the midst of my fighting Him, I've been honest enough to acknowledge my rebellion; I've told Him that I would love more than anything if He could give me a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), united with His (Psalm 86:11), delighting to do His will (Psalm 40:8), and submissive to it. But still, I've resembled the ridiculous kid in the grocery store screaming and doing a dance on the floor in outrage towards her Mom because she can't have the sugary cereal with the must-have toy in the box!

I want my 'toy' in this situation and I have been ceaselessly letting our El Roi know it.

Praise God. He answers even our warped half-hearted pleas coming from sinful rebellious hearts. He pressed my heart to submission this morning under the trustworthy nail-scarred hands of a God who is always my "Yes." He changed my heart's desires from an ill-knowledge based 'want' to the all consuming, all demanding, satisfying 'must-have' love of my God.

I still have my 'No' over this particular area, and I'm pretty sure no ounce of His Heavenly Throne was shaken by my tantrums. I'm also pretty sure every ounce of my Heavenly Father's heart was though. Today, He spoke a whisper in my spirit loud enough to bring back life into these dead bones of mine. He reminded me that He is granting me a beautiful Yes. My 'Yes' is in Him.

And that my dear friend is enough for me. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a different season. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a bigger way than I could have imagined, and that's why it has a temporary 'No.' Or He may not. He may be trying to grant us all the true longings of our hearts to have more of Him. He may be inviting us into the privilege and blessing of knowing Him, which is eternal life. He may be extending a gracious Father's hand in protection from a harmless plea because He is trying to give us a greater gift. As in this case, He is extending the greatest gift I ultimately yearn for - that of Him.

"He is my very great Reward." (Gen. 15:1)

"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why through Him we utter our Amen to God for His glory." (2 Cor. 1:20)

I love you all dearly. He is your Yes...

Hopeful for more

Y'all....it's been nearly 4 months! FOUR months....I don't know what to say.

And I can't begin it all here, but I want you to know that I miss you as much as miss my salsa down south - which is an unspeakable amount if you know me :) I'm really hoping to fight back for some time here in blogworld, especially before the Siesta Fiesta in San Antonio in August, so here is my first minute attempt. I will refrain from personal-update bombardments and Jesus loving until I gather some courage (and pick each of you off the floor from shock at my being back here in blogworld).

For now, I am posting my current song-obsession that has my heart bowed on the floor. I believe that it speaks to whatever your circumstances, be it the tragic or the mundane, the joyful or the sorrowful, the ever-changing and the monotonous. His Spirit beckons our hearts to be still, and know that He is God. Psalm 131 says it better than I could, so I will close with it.

"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul
within me."

Are we concerning ourselves with matters too great for us? Are our thoughts spewing in every angle but a pretty one out of distrust and worry? Oh! Be still, and know that He IS God!

...for this I know, that the LORD my God is God, and He is for me