Sunday, June 29, 2008

'No' little lady


I know that at this point in my blogworld, it is most appropriate for me to give some kind of life update, and I assure you it will come soon. But for this moment, I need to speak about my Jesus.

Just here lately, I have been pleading with Him over a particular situation. And when I say 'plead,' I am meaning full-on childlike faith, given by Him, to believe and ask for the impossible. I know He is able. However, the answer He gave me was a "No." So, I pleaded some more. And some more. And my pleads turned into full-on childlike tantrums. Still, a "No." Then, I got angry at Him; and I even reverently told Him so. Still, in the same gentle voice as before, He whispered, "No Shelly."

In the midst of my fighting Him, I've been honest enough to acknowledge my rebellion; I've told Him that I would love more than anything if He could give me a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), united with His (Psalm 86:11), delighting to do His will (Psalm 40:8), and submissive to it. But still, I've resembled the ridiculous kid in the grocery store screaming and doing a dance on the floor in outrage towards her Mom because she can't have the sugary cereal with the must-have toy in the box!

I want my 'toy' in this situation and I have been ceaselessly letting our El Roi know it.

Praise God. He answers even our warped half-hearted pleas coming from sinful rebellious hearts. He pressed my heart to submission this morning under the trustworthy nail-scarred hands of a God who is always my "Yes." He changed my heart's desires from an ill-knowledge based 'want' to the all consuming, all demanding, satisfying 'must-have' love of my God.

I still have my 'No' over this particular area, and I'm pretty sure no ounce of His Heavenly Throne was shaken by my tantrums. I'm also pretty sure every ounce of my Heavenly Father's heart was though. Today, He spoke a whisper in my spirit loud enough to bring back life into these dead bones of mine. He reminded me that He is granting me a beautiful Yes. My 'Yes' is in Him.

And that my dear friend is enough for me. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a different season. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a bigger way than I could have imagined, and that's why it has a temporary 'No.' Or He may not. He may be trying to grant us all the true longings of our hearts to have more of Him. He may be inviting us into the privilege and blessing of knowing Him, which is eternal life. He may be extending a gracious Father's hand in protection from a harmless plea because He is trying to give us a greater gift. As in this case, He is extending the greatest gift I ultimately yearn for - that of Him.

"He is my very great Reward." (Gen. 15:1)

"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why through Him we utter our Amen to God for His glory." (2 Cor. 1:20)

I love you all dearly. He is your Yes...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Hopeful for more

Y''s been nearly 4 months! FOUR months....I don't know what to say.

And I can't begin it all here, but I want you to know that I miss you as much as miss my salsa down south - which is an unspeakable amount if you know me :) I'm really hoping to fight back for some time here in blogworld, especially before the Siesta Fiesta in San Antonio in August, so here is my first minute attempt. I will refrain from personal-update bombardments and Jesus loving until I gather some courage (and pick each of you off the floor from shock at my being back here in blogworld).

For now, I am posting my current song-obsession that has my heart bowed on the floor. I believe that it speaks to whatever your circumstances, be it the tragic or the mundane, the joyful or the sorrowful, the ever-changing and the monotonous. His Spirit beckons our hearts to be still, and know that He is God. Psalm 131 says it better than I could, so I will close with it.

"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul
within me."

Are we concerning ourselves with matters too great for us? Are our thoughts spewing in every angle but a pretty one out of distrust and worry? Oh! Be still, and know that He IS God!

...for this I know, that the LORD my God is God, and He is for me