I know that at this point in my blogworld, it is most appropriate for me to give some kind of life update, and I assure you it will come soon. But for this moment, I need to speak about my Jesus.
Just here lately, I have been pleading with Him over a particular situation. And when I say 'plead,' I am meaning full-on childlike faith, given by Him, to believe and ask for the impossible. I know He is able. However, the answer He gave me was a "No." So, I pleaded some more. And some more. And my pleads turned into full-on childlike tantrums. Still, a "No." Then, I got angry at Him; and I even reverently told Him so. Still, in the same gentle voice as before, He whispered, "No Shelly."
In the midst of my fighting Him, I've been honest enough to acknowledge my rebellion; I've told Him that I would love more than anything if He could give me a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), united with His (Psalm 86:11), delighting to do His will (Psalm 40:8), and submissive to it. But still, I've resembled the ridiculous kid in the grocery store screaming and doing a dance on the floor in outrage towards her Mom because she can't have the sugary cereal with the must-have toy in the box!
I want my 'toy' in this situation and I have been ceaselessly letting our El Roi know it.
Praise God. He answers even our warped half-hearted pleas coming from sinful rebellious hearts. He pressed my heart to submission this morning under the trustworthy nail-scarred hands of a God who is always my "Yes." He changed my heart's desires from an ill-knowledge based 'want' to the all consuming, all demanding, satisfying 'must-have' love of my God.
I still have my 'No' over this particular area, and I'm pretty sure no ounce of His Heavenly Throne was shaken by my tantrums. I'm also pretty sure every ounce of my Heavenly Father's heart was though. Today, He spoke a whisper in my spirit loud enough to bring back life into these dead bones of mine. He reminded me that He is granting me a beautiful Yes. My 'Yes' is in Him.
And that my dear friend is enough for me. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a different season. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a bigger way than I could have imagined, and that's why it has a temporary 'No.' Or He may not. He may be trying to grant us all the true longings of our hearts to have more of Him. He may be inviting us into the privilege and blessing of knowing Him, which is eternal life. He may be extending a gracious Father's hand in protection from a harmless plea because He is trying to give us a greater gift. As in this case, He is extending the greatest gift I ultimately yearn for - that of Him.