Sent here

⁴ So Joseph said to his brothers, “Come near to me, please.” And they came near. And he said, “I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. ⁵ And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. ⁶ For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. ⁷ And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. ⁸ So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. Genesis 45:4-9

It's a little uncomfortable here. I feel alone on this path, cautiously placing one foot in front of another, listening intently to hear the Voice behind me saying 'This is the way, walk in it.' The steady pounding of my heart ricochets back to me, quieting down only when my heart is still before the One who directs my steps. 

A myriad of circumstances and people brought me to this present season of my journey. And I confess, I don't know that I would have foreseen or initially chosen this present place in which I am standing. 

Joseph was the preferred child amongst all of his brothers and was not shy about exalting himself as the favored one. Perhaps he even acted a bit bratty in that gorgeous robe that he wore proudly in front of them. Envious and angry with their youngest brother Joseph, his brothers' plans to kill him were circumvented only by a group of passing merchants who agreed to buy him as a slave. A grim journey, Joseph was then sold in Egypt. In a way that only God could engineer, Joseph becomes a trusted overseer in the house of Pharaoh and later, lord over the land of Egypt, preparing its people for the great famine that would strike. A beloved child. A hated sibling. A nobody. A slave. A man whom "the LORD was with." A servant. A favored lord. A wise steward. A vessel of life. A forgiven man who forgave others.

Perhaps I've been favored by another and that's what landed me here. It's not their fault nor mine. But I've been placed in a position of favor and grace, called to humbly wear  my own robe of sorts. It's what God has for me in this season. Or perhaps my own sin has led me to this place. He is a holy God who allows me to experience the consequences of my sin. Or perhaps, like Joseph, another individual's sin has led me to this place. I didn't want to be here, purchased as a slave and brought to a land in which I don't belong. But the soil I stand upon bears the footprints of one whose poor decisions left or directed me here. I don't know this land. It's not my own. Though not despondent, my heart aches.

So here I am. In a place I didn't have saved in my spiritual GPS. A place I didn't set out pursuing. A place I didn't choose for myself. 

And that's where Genesis 45:8 knocked the spiritual breathe out of me two mornings ago during my study time: "So it was not you who sent me here, but God." The LORD God who directs my steps (Proverbs 16:19) brought me to this place. No person, thing or circumstance ultimately got to dictate my present season without the Almighty Omnipotent One first giving it a nod of approval. No road do I take unless the One who works all things together for good first said 'Yes.' No consequences of another individual's sins are allowed to affect my life without the protective right hand of my God working out His love for me. No one can send me here without it having been orchestrated and approved by God, a platform for His glory and my good. 

And the same is true for you. No pit that another shoved you in was permitted without a miraculous plan for your escape and redemption. No slavery that you found yourself hurled into was given a 'Yes' without a greater purpose of life on the other side. 

Joseph was sent ahead of his brothers to preserve life. And I can't help but cling to the reality that the same must be true for myself and anyone else experiencing a present Joseph-like season. That the One who has come to give us life and life to the fullest will see that His purposes are accomplished. That when the path is not of your choosing, it doesn't mean it's not of His. That the One who spoke the world into being has spoken spiritual blessing and life over you.

And maybe, at the end of the day, it's worth considering that though the present path on which you step is not one you initially choose for yourself, it is meant for the preservation of someone's life, even your own.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Top Ten Indicators that my man is out of town

My peeps,

Nate has been out of the country for the past 19 days and I have two more looooong days to endure apart from him. He takes three to four international trips a year and this constitutes nearly all of his travel time on an annual basis. I love what he gets to do on these trips and wouldn't trade his being able to go for anything. This recent journey has included Dubai, of the United Arab Emirates, Chiang Mai, Thailand, and lastly Hong Kong. But no worries, I'm living it up in Nashville, TN, so don't be sad for me. His trip itself deserves a blog post of its own, but I'm using this one as a platform for the light-hearted self-awareness I gained during these 3 weeks.

For you see, a girl has to keep moving forward when her better half is across the ocean and even out of telephone reach. And I began to observe that I do things a little differently when he's gone. So I started a list of what those variances are. I did so partly because it leaves room for me to laugh at myself. And partly because it helped me for some strange reason. There's a gray line between keeping a softened heart while he is overseas: too soft a heart out of my love for him means I'm a blubbering mess most of the time because I miss him. But too protected a heart out of the desire to avoid a daily pity party leans itself towards a propensity of unhealthy independence rather than interdependence/dependence with my man.

So recorded below are a few of the things I recognized as the Top Ten Indicators that Nate-the-great is gone:

1) I sleep on Nate's side of the bed when he's not here. I don't know why. I don't even like his side of the bed. But it helps me for some reason. Don't judge me.
2) I also let our 65 lb., 2 year old boxer-mix (Hudson) join me. And he can hog the bed and I don't care. He keeps me warm.
3) In the mornings, I turn my praise music on loud while I put on my mascara. When Nate is in town, he's able to sleep a little later than I am, so I don't bust the praise as loudly.
4) I become completely obsessive about making sure the doors are locked. It's actually ridiculous how bad of a scaredy-cat I can become.
5) My frequency of cooking is disorderly and atypical. First, I start off cooking all the things that I love maybe a little more than Nate does. I become a Julia Child wannabee. I purchase more groceries and make more meals the first week than I can even consume. And then, somewhere around week two, I ask myself, "Self, why on earth are you cooking up a storm when you could be relaxing tonight and rockin out a piece of toast with peanut butter and a banana?" And so thyself starts eating like a college student again.
6) I become an employee for Nate's company, Grateful Inconvenience, Inc. No matter how much he prepares, when your husband owns his company and he is out of the country for three weeks, you may find yourself becoming an unofficial employee. I take phone calls. I make sure his invoices go out. And as he told me, there may be three or four packages coming in from Australia that he would want me to bring inside. Yep. A few packages. Or try over 30 large boxes that I came home to one evening and had to haul inside by my lonesome. The CEO of Grateful Inconvenience will be receiving an invoice from me. Grin.

 7) And since Nate is Nate, there's got to be some drama for God to bring along the way. Like the text I got from him while he was in Dubai, at 2 a.m. my time, letting me know that he had lost his wallet or that it had been stolen. So he needed my immediate help in canceling all of his cards. Sure enough baby love. We both prayed that the individual who picked it up would need the cash that was in it more than he did. It took a few hours for the knots in my stomach to unwind. Nate reached hope a little more quickly than I did. I knew it for sure when I got the following picture and text from him: "Baby love, don't worry about the money we lost. I'm just going to belly dance over here in Dubai and get it back." (Yes...that's my man's version of belly dancing. My man who I can never get on the dance floor).

 8) I get flowers. And it's typically quite the scene because he is sending me flowers for my birthday as he's not here. And the sweet lady at the front desk calls me downstairs to come get them. And then they're so big and heavy that I can't lift them. And I love them. Every year. And I try to make them last for as long as he is gone. And I do. I have two cherry blossoms and a beautiful orchid left from this.

 9) Speaking of # 1 and #2, I'm not the only one who doesn't sleep well the first 5 nights he's gone. Our dog Hudson looks out our front window every night waiting for Nate to come home. He cries until I finally convince him to come to bed. He'll sleep for a few hours, wake up and realize Nate isn't here, and then go back to the front window waiting and looking for him. It breaks my heart and my sleep pattern in such a bad way that I'm puffy-eyed for days.
10) I jealously guard my weekend time to be still before the LORD. Yes, I get lonely. Yes, I miss my man like crazy. Yes, I have scheduled play dates with my close girlfriends and have an absolute blast. But when my husband is gone, I tell Jesus every time that I look forward with great anticipation to what He has just for me during this time. It's my time with Him. And His time with this child of His. And I long for it, guard it, and love it.

And before I close, if you're still hanging in here, you may need a little reminder that our God is a God of miracles. Forty-eight hours after Nate's wallet was missing, he received the following email:

 Nate, My name is Jeff. I am in the US Navy and I found your wallet in
a taxi in Dubai on Friday, January 27. I caught the taxi from the Dubai
mall and saw it on the floor in the back and thought it best to NOT to
hand it over to the cab driver. I saw that you are from Tennessee (US)
and figured it would be best to get it to you myself. I did go through
the contents to find out your info and left a voice message on  the
number off of your business card. I can assure you that all its contents
are accounted for... I will be in Dubai until about 2pm
today and then we leave. I was hoping to get it back to you before we
leave. My office number is XXX-XXX-XXXX . Hopefully you get this message soon so you at
least have that bit of peace of mind

Nate and Jeff are buddies now. When he received Jeff's email, Jeff was out at sea so they were unable to connect. Jeff mailed Nate's wallet out on the first shipment and I received it two weeks later, all contents contained therein. 

Only God. 

He loves Nate.

And He loves this married woman lavishly so in the absence of Nate's presence.

The opportunity of provocation

He (Elkanah) had two wives. The name of the one was Hannah, and the name of other other, Peninnah. And Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. And her rival (Peninnah) used to provoke her (Hannah) grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat...She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly."

1 Samuel 1

Hannah knew provocation. She lived a life of maternal barrenness next to the woman with whom she shared a husband - Peninnah, who was nothing but fruitful. And Peninnah took full advantage of Hannah's barrenness. She provoked her about it. She sought much to irritate her. Every year, continuously, Hannah heard words that grieved her. So much so to the point that she was deeply distressed and wept bitterly. She was unable to eat. Her broken heart weighed her down. She was worn and anxious from the incitement.

And one day, in her deep distress and ongoing weeping, she prayed to the LORD. She vowed that if the LORD looked on her affliction and gave her a son, that she would give him to the LORD all the days of his life. And in His great purposes, He did just that. The LORD who had closed her womb, opened it. Hannah conceived and bore a son, whom she named Samuel.

Samuel, who is from the LORD, becomes the last of the judges and the prophet who initiates the beginning of the monarchy, anointing the first two kings of Israel: Saul and David. He stressed the importance of following the LORD's commands to both the people and their king in order for it to go well with them. He prayed constantly for them, instructing them in the way that was right, and walked before them all of his days.

Samuel existed because of the LORD, birthed from the context of a broken heart. Samuel came to be out of the prayer from a woman who endured words that said Samuel was not. Samuel's life was one of paramount purpose, bringing restoration to a woman's life that had been mocked to the point of deep distress.

And here in a late season, the reality that God's saving plan is fulfilled in the ongoing day-to-day lives of human beings has hit me afresh. For I've been provoked. It's been continuous, year after year, but the present moment has weighed down my heart . And I've had myself a good cry. And I've wept. The kind, for instance, where you have to leave church before the very end so as to avoid contact with anyone: my mascara was not waterproof and I could not get myself together. I'm worn from the provocation.

And though my form of my barrenness may differ, I too have dropped myself before the LORD and cried out for Him to remember me. And I know that He does, because He is with me at this very moment. And I too have asked Him to look on my affliction, and I know that He does because He is my El Roi. And I have vowed that I would allow Him to use this area of affliction for His glory, entrusting it to Him all the days of my life. For I believe His intent is to bring forth life from the circumstances that have set a tone of provocation. And I believe that He will birth in me something for His kingdom purposes, just as He birthed in Hannah a judge and prophet who marked the history of Israel in profound ways.

You may be far from a "Hannah" season. There may be no person, circumstance or thing inciting such frustration, heaviness and weeping in you that you're presently on the floor before the LORD. But if you are, I pray that He strengthens your inner being with courage to believe that He brings forth life from death. So hold on sister, for blessed are all those who wait for Him. 

Sin of omission

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

I've got a soft spot for my boy Gideon. He's a scaredy-cat, plagued by fear and unbelief, yet not necessarily paralyzed by it. At the very beginning of the introduction of his character, two examples of Gideon's lifestyle of fear appear. First, in Judges 6:11, we see Gideon threshing out wheat in a winepress, hiding himself and his sustenance from the enemy. Later, in Judges 6:25-27, the LORD asks Gideon to destroy the altar of Baal that his father has and to instead build an altar to the LORD on top of it.

In both instances, Gideon is afraid. He is afraid of his enemy  the Midianites, others' perception of his actions and perhaps even the reaction of the idol he has established in his life. What would Baal do to he and his family? What would his father do to him? What could the Midianites do to him? Even further, what could this LORD do to him?

In spite of his fears, he goes forth and does the thing. He walks in that which God called him to walk in. He threshes the wheat, even though he is hiding from his enemy. And he tears down the altar of Baal, establishing an altar of God in its place, despite the fact that he does it at night, too afraid of his family and the men of the town to do it by day (Judges 6:27).

I see so much of myself in his story. Yet in a recent season, mine has an added dose of sin. Unlike Gideon, I did not go forth and do the thing. Gideon hid himself in the cleft of a mountainside or under the covering of a dark night sky, yet he still responded to God's call. On the other hand, I allowed myself to be paralyzed by fear and flat out failed to respond. I froze and my standing still equated itself to the sin of omission. Delayed obedience meant disobedience this time.

Gideon learned to function in his lifestyle of fear. He's got the act of threshing wheat in an awkward environment down pat. He's got the Baal worship thing down, surely established as a pattern of worship early in his life. It may or may not be working for him, but he's still doing it. Yours truly however, can't even claim that I was functioning well in this particular area. I wanted to be a functioning fearaholic at best, but God in His mercy, wasn't going to allow that either.

God speaks to Gideon early on: "I am the LORD your God; you shall not fear the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell" (Judges 6:10). And He has firmly, lovingly, spoken a word to me a few weeks ago: "I am the LORD your God Shelly, you shall not fear ..." That my friend, is a command, not an option, based on who my God is.

I am His, created and equipped to do the good works He has called me to do. And the same is true for you sister. You were created in His image, called to bear much fruit in areas that He has prepared in advance for you. Things He has called just you to do. Giftings He has given you. Resurrection power working in you, in this season, at this moment, for His glory.

He doesn't need me to make His name great. He doesn't need you either. But we are given the unspeakable gift of participating in His Kingdom purposes. Lord, in your mercy, I sure don't want to miss it.

So I'm going to go forth and do the thing, even if I do it afraid for a little while. For soon, I will walk more boldly in the spirit of power, love and discipline He has given me, realizing that He has not given me a spirit of timidity (2 Timothy 1:7).


I'll do it afraid then, backed by the power of a God who is more than able.

You are beautiful to me

They are appalled
Your laws believed to be confining
Your truth believed to be irrelevant
Your life believed to be merely that of a great spiritual man

They are appalled
Your words believed to be heresy (John 6:52-54)
Your ascension believed to be unreal
Your existence believed to be finite rather than a living, continuously involved, intimate God

They are appalled
Your appearance so disfigured, beyond that of any man
Your form marred beyond human likeness (Isaiah 52:14)
Your kingship questioned and mocked

But I am in love
Your laws my freedom
Your truth my delight (Psalm 119:14)
Your life perfect, the atonement for my sin

And I am in love
Your words, divine revelation of the wonders of your Person
Your ascension, now at the right hand of God, ruling over all (1 Peter 3:22)
Your existence, with the first thru the last of all generations (Rev. 1:8)


And I am in love
Your appearance, robed in majesty and armed with strength
Your form, a slain Lamb at the center of the Throne, a Spirit, omnipresent
Your kingship, the Holy One of Israel, besides you, there is no God (Isaiah 43:15)

My zeal consumes me
Show us your beauty Lord

Because He said so

When the Israelites cried out to the LORD because of Midian, ⁸ he sent them a prophet, who said, “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ⁹ I rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians. And I delivered you from the hand of all your oppressors; I drove them out before you and gave you their land. ¹⁰ I said to you, ‘I am the LORD your God; do not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you live.’ But you have not listened to me.”  ¹¹ 

The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. ¹² When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.

The account of Gideon is at the center of a seemingly carefully constructed story of the twelve judges. Just like the judges before him, he is walking in a season which bears the weight of sin. The Israelites failed to destroy the Canaanites and their gods. Thus, a pattern is established. A Deuteronomic cycle is initiated. The Israelites cease serving Yahweh. He abandons them to their enemies. They eventually cry out for help. And God answers them by raising up a judge who will lead them into victory over their oppressor by His Spirit. At some time later, the cycle repeats itself.

Gideon is living in the beginning stages of such a cycle. God's people have not served Him. God has given them over to the Midianites. The Midianites ravage the Israelites' land, taking their crops and their livestock. The Israelites have to seek shelter in mountain clefts and caves for protection (6:1-6).

And there Gideon is. Threshing wheat in a winepress in the attempt to safeguard that which is sustenance for he and his family. Working in a place not conducive to his work. Hiding himself, his life and his food from the enemy who steals.

And there the angel of the LORD appears. Speaking a name over a man who does not reflect such an attribute yet. Calling forth life over those things which dwelt in the bay of fear and death. Empowering an available spirit to do that which He had called him to do.

"The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

We aren't provided with a prior account of Gideon, but I'm going to make the safe assumption that Gideon didn't feel very mighty or like much of a warrior. Now I will certainly give him some credit for being out there threshing wheat. He's being obedient to his call at that point in time. He's doing the small thing in the midst of challenging circumstances. But, when He hears God's call, his response is somewhat of a respectful 'Pardon me?' His lack of God-centered confidence continues: 'But I am the least in my family.' It gets worse, bless his heart. He asks for three different signs from God before he attempts the first battle and works in the  night on one occasion out of fear that others may see him. 

Maybe that's why I love my boy Gideon so much. Maybe that's why I love my God so much more. I can relate.

For when God speaks, words do not come back void. When God speaks, He accompanies it with action. When God speaks, heaven and earth are created out of nothingness. When God speaks, it is so.

It is a done deal for Him. Because He can see His purposes to completion.

And He does.

"But the Spirit of the LORD clothed Gideon, and he sounded the trumpet." And the Midianites were defeated with Gideon and his 300 men (Judges 6:33 - 7:25)

A man going about his ordinary business called to something extraordinary. A man lacking belief in what God said he would do, even after the signs, who was not just called to something extraordinary, but deemed something extraordinary.

A mighty warrior you are Gideon. Not because you have acted as one. Not because you have won a single battle. But because I say you are. And I watch over my Word to see it accomplished (Jeremiah 1:12).

The LORD God calls those things which are not, as though they are (Romans 4:17).

God calls you by name child. Dare to believe you are who He says you are. For even if you do not feel it is your present reality, the God who speaks can make it so. And you'll know it was all Him. Go forth, mighty warrior, in the empowering Spirit of Christ who is with you.

My olive oil was MIA

 ¹⁷Though the fig tree should not blossom,
   nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
   and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
   and there be no herd in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
    I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
¹⁹GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
   he makes my feet like the deer’s;
   he makes me tread on my high places

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Habakkuk has challenged my prayer life lately. Though my preference would be to expound upon those three verses for three weeks, I don't think that's wise seeing as I haven't blogged in a year and I'd be boring y'all to tears. Instead, I'm going to note those seven words that have struck my spiritual core: 

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD"

I'm stubborn enough in my faith to believe God for the impossible;  I know He delights in it (Genesis 18:14, Jeremiah 32:17, Luke 1:37). On top of that, I'm learning to consistently ask Him to exceed my expectations when I believe those things for which I'm asking are in accordance with His purposes and glory in the church and in Christ (Ephesians 3:20-21). My intent is not to come before His throne in an over-confident manner, but I do believe we can approach it boldly, as a daughter who acknowledges her God's authority and power.

I'd like to call a recent season of mine "lack.' Not like Habakkuk's  where he experienced the depletion, failure and absence of those things which were life-giving to him. But a lack nonetheless. A little spiritual, emotional, relational, material vacancies of some things that caused me to walk through 'Lack.' Now if I'm in Lack, I'm bound and determined to not miss out on what God may have for me there. Perhaps Lack and I need to be friends so that I can know God to be my Provider. Or maybe I've got Lack because there is an area of sin in my life that has put up a wall between the blessing and favor of my Father, who may withhold  out of loving discipline until due time. Perhaps I'm bonding with Lack out of deep emotion over a loved one who is walking through a challenging season and I'm just not quite okay when they're not walking in the 'more' that I want so badly for them. So I've got some lack. The blossoms aren't there and the olive has failed to produce. And I'm not seeing the cattle and I even live in Nashville.

So one early morning, I prayed. I declared the promises of His 'Yes' over some things. I told the Lord how I knew He could deliver the impossible. By His grace, I truly did believe Him. I believed His Word. And I trusted His timing. I was all for whatever He wanted to do. And then I stopped my mouth long enough to listen and turned to my reading for the day.

And there, in those seven words, my spirit was stilled when I realized it wasn't more faith or perseverance that He was calling me to, but some joy. And not just a prim and proper clap of praise, but some serious celebrating. A flat out exultation in my God.

Not to ask Him for the 'more' I knew He could meet. Not to press in and let Him meet those 'needs' of mine. Not to believe by faith that those 'Yes' responses were mine in Christ.

And not that those aren't right. But I'd missed it. I was about to walk with 'Lack' as a martyr instead of a joyful child of God. Ain't right I tell you. Just ain't right.

Maybe each of those lacks have not been met yet. Maybe the circumstance hasn't changed. But, when I lift my gaze to the God who strengthens me, and He lifts me to tread on the high places, joy cometh. A little smile, a nod of who He is in the middle of the day and perhaps a flailing hand of praise in the middle of a jog. 

Choose joy in the God who never fails you. For the fruit may not yield. That person may disappoint you. The job interview may not come yet. The child may still be a prodigal. Or the dream may wait. But your God is One worth celebrating. You may be surprised to find that you, who are willed to do so, can still bear much fruit when that which around you is barren. The joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10).