Monday, October 26, 2009

Job-matching

I'm pretty sure I word-vomited, spiritually speaking, on my last post to y'all. I felt horrible about it before I even started. And I felt horrible afterwards. I get total 'booh' points for talking from Genesis history all the way to ... well .... Jesus. It's a problem when I've got 12 months of biblical heart-beat that comes out in the expression of one overly long blog on one verse. It's my fault for not giving outlet to my heart before now. My 52 page exegesis paper two semesters ago bore the weight of some of it, but y'all, it's been too long. My unwanted sabbatical from blogland I hope is finally coming to an end, but y'all might have to bear with me for a few posts until I can get some of it out.

Anyway, to be nice, and not dizzying, I thought I would share something light-hearted. So...here we go. Y'all know that I'm jobless. Thus, because of this, I'm registered with several different temp. agencies that send emails out once a week or so of potential employment opportunities. They seek to email me jobs that would be a match for my skills, education, and experience. Most of the time, they are in the ballpark with types of jobs that I could perform well. However, I got one recently that was such a shot in the dark, I got the giggles over it. Here it is:::

Company X (we'll say) is currently recruiting for a company in the North Nashville area - Not that I live in the North Nashville area...but oh well...I can commute.


We are looking for a motivated individual... - check!



...with Aluminum welding and MIG welding experience - Uhmm....Houston, we could have a problem.



This individual will be welding 95% of the time - Maybe they'll hire me for whatever it is I would be doing the other 5% of the time!


This position requires you to stand... - check! i can even do so in high heels.



...lift up to 50 pounds... - Uhm....Like, bench press style, or free-standing? I might be under-qualified, in all senses. 


...bending, twisting, - Check! Sounds like we get to have a dance party.



and using hands. - Uhm...I went through an origami phase as a child. Does that count?



Must be able to pass a basic math test - Stank. I can't :( No lie y'all, I can only do higher-level math. Don't have enough common sense for it.



Candidate will be working first shift. - Hmm....I wonder how early that is going to be?



Working hours: 7:00 AM -4:00 PM A - Have mercy! Maybe they'll serve doughnuts in lieu of the disdainful hour I'll have to wake up, get ready, and make my commute to North Nashville



Company Y is a leader in matching great people with great companies - I thought so at one time.



Our experienced agents will listen carefully to your employment needs and then work diligently to match your skills and qualifications to the right job and company - Maybe they got me confused with my husband?



Whether you're looking for temporary, temporary-to-permanent or permanent opportunities, no one works harder for you than Company Y - I think they might need to work a little harder, or either I need to go take a welding class. 


Your welder,
Shelly

11 comments:

Bobby said...

Shelly - so sorry. I didn't mean to give Company X your name. I thought I sent Ashley's name and not yours. My bad.

Big Mama said...

I think you should take the welding class. It could open up all new career opportunities.

Toknowhim said...

Looking forward to your return to blogland... I need your challenging posts :)

Denise said...

I am still giggling ... thanks for the joy break this morning!

The Cooke Family said...

That's hilarious! Glad you are blogging more. Love to read your posts!

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

you'd look great in that helmet..wouldn't even have to do your hair since you would have to be there at such an ungodly hour..hahaha :)))

mandy said...

I love you. You made me laugh out loud. And not in a "LOL" sort of way, but in a HAHAHAH sort of way.

PS: I think you took me off the email situation here on this here blog.... so now I don't know when you've posted. :(
We need to do something about this.

Lindsee said...

Oh girl, you had me dying. Just dying. I can totally see you welding. Totally! High heals and all. It's your calling sister, didn't you know!

Love you, lady. Feel free to share with us any more of the crazy match ups you might have.

Mary said...

Girl, you made me Laugh out loud -- and you know how shy and reserved I am!

Of course, this could have been your opportunity to stretch yourself and embrace a new career path.

Ang baylis said...

Cracking me up! I LOVED your last post and hope you'll continue to share what you have learned and how it is affecting you! Please don't ever change!
Much love,
Angie xoxo

Emmy said...

That is hysterical! : ) Did you take it! LOL : )