I poured out my wounded heart before Him. I told him all about it. All about it. He got a spiritual ear full before I could even began turning my heart to start claiming who He was (which is what I probably should have started out with). In the middle of confessing who He is, shattering the dark with the light of His Truth, I approached a park in the new neighborhood in which I now live. I veered off the pavement and followed the winding gravel road.
It was absolutely beautiful. The Lord totally started showing off and I slowed myself to a walk to enjoy His glory. The sun rays were dancing through the trees. Blue jays and red robins flew diagonally back and forth ahead of me, inviting me further back into the woods. The Chattahoochee River roared to the left of my path. I sat on a bench and watched fish jump, heroins swoop down into the river, squirrels chase one another, and the birds continue their aerial dance.
My heart was only slowly unwinding, allowing my tender Physician to finally press His nail-scarred hand upon the open wound. I finally shut my mouth (I am sure He had been waiting, tapping His foot on His throne...wondering when in the world I was going to stop chattering) and listened for His voice amidst the praise of His creation. And I heard Him. Loud and clear in my own spirit. Firm, yet tender, with an "I love you". (I think my heart skipped a beat). Again, and again, and again. An "I love you" from my Father. It was very clear that I needed to sit on that for a bit. So I stayed on the bench, letting the everlasting arms of my Savior embrace me, love on me, and hold me tight. I basked in it, reveled in it, and let it fill every empty crevasse of my soul.
Don't miss it: "I love you."
When I can "know and rely on the love that God has for me," it is unnecessary to look to another thing or person to fill my need for love, affection, or acceptance. The KJV renders "know and believe the love that God has for me." To know it. To believe it. To lean up against it. To let Him devastate me with His love.
I realized how much of His glory must be a stake when I do not know and believe His love for me. "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Jeremiah 2:13 What is your cistern? Where are you digging for love, only to arrive empty? Your job, your performance, your ministry, your marriage, your children, your image, yourself? If we could grasp who He is, these competing sources of fulfillment in our lives would be exposed as the mirages that they really are.
Dear sister! I beg you to cease digging cisterns. Cease sowing the things of this world. And let the love of Your Mighty Heavenly Father be sown into your heart. Let it absolutely ruin you, so that no other affections can even compete. Let Him steal your heart each new day with the wonders of who He is, and the marvel that He loves you as tenaciously as He does. When you can grasp this, the cisterns around you fade...the shallow water you had tried to keep sustainable in them dries up...and you look to the Fountain of Living Water. You behold the One who satisfies your needs in a sun-scorched land (Isaiah 58:11). You taste and see that the Lord is good! To never thirst and hunger in Him. Dig away Beloved into the richness of the Bread of Life. Dig away into the endless marvelous feast of who He is.
And you'll find His love. He will whisper your sweet name. His merciful love will rock your mundane world and steal your breathe away. Oh how I want Him to be the Lover of your Soul!
His glory is at stake. Get rid of the shovel that digs your cisterns, and grab hold of your sword. Wield it. Believe it. Walk in it. Dare to believe that you really are loved by Him. He will not fail you. He is the Fountain of living waters (Jeremiah 17:13)
I eventually pulled myself from that moment, and turned towards home. Forgive me, but I'm a Jesus brat. When I am getting all loved on, and reminded that I'm his favorite ( insert smile), I don't really care to leave! I mean...I'm HIS for crying out loud! Life called, and I left. I started running back. No........skipping :) I couldn't help it. For He loves me so...